posted on November 11, 2006 at 9:52 pm

ok ok ok
so uh
yessaday
you unnerstand fiends
im in the studio
im a strumming my geetar n singing
when the young n rather naive engineer
motions to me to come into the controlroom
“ah steve theres someone outside to see ya!”
who is it, sunshine? i ask
“some olde guy” says the ‘neer
n then he looks up n has a good deco
at my white n bristly beardie
“…i mean, even older than thyself” he mumbles
i stand there puzzled?
who do i know whos older than me?
joycie bennett….gee there arent that many others..
“hes american” offers the young engineer helpfully
american? oh wow
this is interesting..
“..hes got straight silver hair…” he says
tom verlaine!!!!
oh wow its tom verlaine
suddenly a large figure strides into the control room
gee tom has put on weight…a real lot
but his hair is real nice now….
hang on…waiddaminnit..jus’ lemme c
that aint tommy milfigur vermont
its …
no it couldnt be
its…
“steve? im donald! call me donny r!”
no way
i mean
not the ex minister for war n death…?
what the hell…?
“lemme explain mahself”
said donny r in a brandy n cigar voice
and he sat down heavily
clutching his geetar case
“ya see i lost mah fucking job last week
and i look in the mirror
an i say donny yer still a fine lookin’ guy
yer silver hair looks pretty good
a lot fuckin’ better than eltons rug transplant
all that boyish hair on top of that silly old face
an billy joel …..ha!
and you know
i got the contacts
wanna play turkemenistan, boys…?
an’ you know
i aint just a gunslinger
im a geetar slinger too
and my motto?
make love and war baybee..
so ok you square cats
lets boogie woogie…!”
but donny i said very confused
whatcha doing here in botany with the chrunch?
“ah ha ya see i been thinkin bout a change in direction
for a while now”
donny confided in his big important voice
“and theres 3 things i know about rocknroll:
there are those who rock
there are those who do not rock
there are those who might rock
and then
there are those who rock
but neither we or them know it!”
but donny thats 4 things i said
“any way….”
says donny , giving me a furious glance
“i been looking for a band i could join
and i kinda hoped that after i had keith pushed outta his tree
i might get the job of rhythm guitar in the greatest rocknroll band
in the world…but the little bugger recovered
so i need to join a band where the guitarists have gone awol..”
but pete n marty aint gone ……awol….
suddenly i swallowed
the awful truth was dawning somewhere in my heart of hearts
“no, aint they?” smiled donny r with a twinkle in his rheumy eye
then i remembered
id gone round to get mwp in paddo that morning
a fucking no show
then out to the airport waiting for pk to get off his plane
nada, nothing
no luggage
not a trace
tim n i tried to ring em
we got a weird message from both their mobiles
a kinda white noise n some machine clicking..
but why the fuck didja choose us.i asked almost in tears
well i just googled mah name n the phrase space rock
and ya came up from yesterdays blog
and w
said as a last favour take the prez jet down under
and visit the boys
n
see what y’all can work out
and then w says
my little pal howard the coward
says theyre gonna be changing to a republic soon
and under the milky way gonna be a shoe-in
for national anthem
so yer in on a good thing donny!!
….anyway here i am
and im ready to fucking rock!”
the silverhaired warmongering old space rocker
pulled out a black les paul with gold fittings
plugged it into a marshall amp
he dipped his hand in his pocket
and pulled out a bloodred geetar pick
the donny r logo emblazed in silver like his hair
“a present from the boys at halliburton”
he chuckled to himself
then quickly tuned up the guitar
“check this out, boys”
he launched into a scorching riff
a macine-gunnin’, divebombin’, napalmhurlin howl of pain
tp and i looked at each other
youre in
i said
donny looked up from his fretboard
“you wont regret it” he grinned
he picked up a joint from the ashtray
n sparked it up
“and boys…?” he said in that deep croaky voice
“I fuckin’ inhale…!!!!”

39 Responses to “lesser of 2 weevils”

  1. avatar
    Noel Christian | 12 November 2006 at 5:53 am #

    the tension mounts, on with the body count

    Security is going to be substantially more substantial on the next tour, I suppose.

    Number one with a bullet!

    I love Rummy joining the Church on Veteran’s Day. He’ll have his Air Force jet looking like Klaus Voorman’s cover art on Revolver.

    The Big Music meets the Big Oil.

    ‘On rhythm guitar, the fossil fueled by fossil fuel, Donald fucking Rumsfeld. Take these motherfuckers South Baghdad, Don…. ‘

    And he slams into the guitar riff on Roman.

  2. avatar
    Melquiades | 12 November 2006 at 6:06 am #

    what a great riff
    from beginning to end

  3. avatar
    Melquiades | 12 November 2006 at 6:06 am #

    love that last line.crushes

  4. avatar
    sue cee | 12 November 2006 at 6:07 am #

    i sure hope he doesnt think he can sing too!

  5. avatar
    Melquiades | 12 November 2006 at 6:19 am #

    btw, This eveing I strolled into this
    local liquor store where I recently moved and
    passingly asked, “Do you have Unicum?”
    The salesboy replied, “Why yes, yes we do.”
    I just about freaked when he said yes, because I’d looked
    for it elsewhere and most were like, “Unicorn? Uni-what?!”

    Anyway he led me down the aisle and
    whallah there it was. What a store. This package
    even came with some nice cordial glasses to
    serve it in.

    Well, it was a bitter tonic at first
    made me grimace at first really
    but like scotch, it’s an acquired taste right?
    Well, it’s moving on me now and it feels
    really nice. like sitting in front of a glowing fireplace
    with a warm fleece wrapped around your frame
    And I’m kind of feeling amorous
    maybe an aphrodisiac as well?

  6. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 12 November 2006 at 6:21 am #

    “Once in a while, I’m…standing here, doing something… And I think, ‘What in the world am I doing here?’ It’s a big surprise.”

    (Donald Rumsfeld interview with the New York Times, May 16, 2001)

    Oh, Donnie…you have evoked a “2001 Space (Rocker) Oddity” Spirit with your 2001 question.

    And we here at “The Time Being” underbelly, in the spirit of July 9 soothsaying, have found you a July 9, 2001 answer!

    (That’s enough e-synchronicity for one day…I’m even starting to scare myself!!)

  7. avatar
    davem | 12 November 2006 at 7:06 am #

    Brilliant SK,
    You’ve got some outdoor gig in January, non?
    Can I suggest a Keith Relf could be in the offing?
    Love you more,

    Dave M
    Hope studio time went well with PK, MWP & TP. Looking forward to hearing the results when you’ve finished.
    x

  8. avatar
    craig1.618 | 12 November 2006 at 7:47 am #

    so donny boy showed up on 11.11 huh??……..i’d keep my eyes on the door and my back against the wall if i were you……and by all means…….hide your car keys……..no tellin’ where you’ll end up with him behind the wheel

  9. avatar
    damien | 12 November 2006 at 7:59 am #

    Great blog, today, SK.

    Hope it was a good day in the shtoodio yessaday!

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 November 2006 at 8:15 am #

    Gee, why was i secretly hoping it really was tom verlaine?

    c escherbach

  11. avatar
    don joe | 12 November 2006 at 10:24 am #

    Funny Steve, great way to end the slog that was a week.
    You have lifted mah spirits and fused closed the nagging, raw canyon that work left. Tonight is going to be choice. Many thx.

    ML,
    don joe

  12. avatar
    Altres | 12 November 2006 at 10:31 am #

    I laughed so hard I may have to install a urinal in front of my laptop. Can you use a laptop standing up? What happens to your lap when you stand up? What other parts of your body disappear when you stand up?

    These things worry me.

    Brian

  13. avatar
    fantasticandy | 12 November 2006 at 10:56 am #

    did donny observe two minutes silence? n.p.darkness(11/11)by van der graaf generator.—-marty probablly has that one!

  14. avatar
    eek | 12 November 2006 at 12:00 pm #

    i sure hope he doesnt think he can sing too!

    Haha! That’s just what I was thinking Sue!!

    That was hilarious! Well, I did feel kinda bummed when MWP and PK got killed off (and I haven’t even seen a good pic of Marty’s moustache yet either, dammit!). Then this South Parky voice popped up in my head and said “Ahhhh! They’ve killed Pete and Marty!” and I was back to laughing. (sorry guys, but I know you’ll be back in next week’s episode 🙂 ).

  15. avatar
    Cameras 4 Eyes | 12 November 2006 at 12:09 pm #

    [Mr Burns]Excellent[/ Mr Burns]

  16. avatar
    fly | 12 November 2006 at 1:42 pm #

    “I fuckin’ inhale…!!!!”

    http://vidsearch.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1405700368

  17. avatar
    That's so pants | 12 November 2006 at 2:01 pm #

    After politics there is only burlesque

  18. avatar
    mandn | 12 November 2006 at 2:19 pm #

    HA! Orpheus,

    I bet Rummy ran Robert Johnson over in his SUV while
    suckin’ down a Starbucks latte, in a Haliburton hat
    makin’ a better deal for Enron execs and buying
    a vacation home in Florida, where they can’t take
    your home from you if you’re prosecuted, talkin’ on
    the cell phone to Cheney to set up a duck hunting
    date with Marty and Peter for a better deal from
    Old Scratch for those skills.

    whadda you think?

    xo
    Mary

  19. avatar
    the pissenger | 12 November 2006 at 2:59 pm #

    hello pee pee man

  20. avatar
    Deep Goat | 12 November 2006 at 3:05 pm #

    Ah, but does he inhale through a sax while doing rude things to an intern with a cigar? And will she dry clean, or no?

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 November 2006 at 3:08 pm #

    i make zee peepee dance for Der Grandfazz

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 November 2006 at 3:16 pm #

    SK i watch you!

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 November 2006 at 3:17 pm #

    i eat nice tasties

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 November 2006 at 3:18 pm #

    you do not shack hand? we will see who is sorry now

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 November 2006 at 3:19 pm #

    I make the watching!

  26. avatar
    restaurant mark | 12 November 2006 at 3:20 pm #

    well i think marty and pete are better looking, but if rummy wants to toke and rock, well so be it. personally, i think he’s better suited for the stones these days! keith won’t really know if rummy’s on stage too.

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 November 2006 at 3:23 pm #

    I smile at you throu windowss of house.
    you dont see what i see.
    i want you there in Der hotel tomb

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 November 2006 at 3:39 pm #

    I took my Heil, I took it down under
    Moved to Bondi and I got turned around
    When I saw my reflection in Kilbeys window pane
    I knew the alcohol would brought him down

    Oh, Black Sun in the sky
    Where are my drugs
    Can the aryan within my heart rise above
    Can I Heil thru the changing ocean tides
    Can I handle the seasons of my reich

    Well SK, Ive been afraid of changing
    cause Ive built my life around you
    But time makes you colder
    Der Grandfasser got older
    Im getting older too

    Oh, take my Heil, take it down under
    Moved to Bondi and I got turned around
    I saw my reflection in SKs widows pain
    I hope the alcohol will bring me down

    If you see my reflection in the SKs widows shame
    Well maybe the pills have brought him down

  29. avatar
    ambnt1 | 12 November 2006 at 4:25 pm #

    Steven,

    Can I join the band, too? Can’t really play any instruments, but you can fire up a doobie, sit me down in front of a synth with ample reverb units, and I’ll crank out some ambient drones for ya.

    -sirhc

    n.p. Robert Carty, “Dreaming Earth Water Memories” (deep sky musick)

  30. avatar
    paul hogan | 12 November 2006 at 5:00 pm #

    ehhh , that’s not a knife !!!!!

  31. avatar
    sssssssssssssss | 12 November 2006 at 5:58 pm #

    not funny

  32. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 November 2006 at 6:04 pm #

    bite

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 November 2006 at 6:17 pm #

    Hotel Tomb,

    I played that audioclip in your blogger profile and my dog started barking at it.

  34. avatar
    Tony Pucci | 12 November 2006 at 8:16 pm #

    good tale, sk, loved it!
    careful though,
    W will be looking for a gig
    in a couple of years…

  35. avatar
    THE YOUNG relict | 12 November 2006 at 11:48 pm #

    Hotel Tomb,
    That is exactly what I was thinking. Why no posts on your blog? Throw us a bone would ya?

    Steve,
    Keep em coming I love these stories. I had to read this one twice I thought i was hallucinating from smoking too much Uranium.

    Arbeit macht french fries!

  36. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 November 2006 at 1:26 am #

    brilliant sk just brilliant

  37. avatar
    Centuryhouse | 13 November 2006 at 5:58 am #

    I got a good laugh out of that one, good writing! 🙂

    Speaking of Rumsfield rolling a joint, this is hilarious – from that Scottish gentleman’s comedy show:

    http://www.metacafe.com/watch/295058/rumsfeld_is_very_talented

    And no, I don’t know how to insert the link directly here…

    Daniel

  38. avatar
    sockfacepuppetmunch | 14 November 2006 at 12:21 am #

    Who the fuc is Hotel Tomb???

  39. avatar
    John Garratt | 14 November 2006 at 2:55 pm #

    Oh, if only he really inhaled. We might not be in this mess.

    John


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