posted on April 20, 2009 at 9:29 pm

outside my window
some fragile rainbow is stretched across a sky
that goes from the deepest blue to the palest dawn
the jackhammers up the road pound the pavement
the garbagemen do their thing
the buses stop and start with mechanical groans n shudders
the cars pull up with squeaks n squeals
motorcycles roar off in the distance
the regular birdies : tweet tweet tweet
the mynah birdies : clack scratch brrrrrrrrng!
the door knockers : bang bang bang
the wind : woooooooow n sssssssshhhhhhhhhh
the intermittent rain : tap tap tap
the workmen : shout talk argue
the radios : ad rubbish ad rubbish
the tvs : rubbish ad rubbish ad
the lizards : no sound at all
the cactii : no more frickin’ rain
the downstairs neighbours : slam bang slam
the tinnitus : ring ring ring
the voices in my head : whisper whisper whisper
my stomach : gurgle gurgle
my heart : thumpetty thump thump
the clock : tick but never tock
the insects in the house : rustle nibble rustle
the memories in our heads : sigh sigh sigh
the regret in our hearts : oh oh oh
the compassion in our souls : ah ah ah
the megalomania extant : me me me
the poverty : brake breaking broke
youth : going going gone
time : i’m leaving you behind
sex : fuck !
drugs : zzzzzzzzz
petty ambitions n petty obstructions : ha!
the weather : burn freeze soak fry
the sea : crash roll crash
the traffic : roll crash roll
the planes : roar ROAR roar
the children : grow grow grow
i am alone in my body
same old me
whose seen today by the thousands
the nsw autumn days that hurl the storms about
the choppy ocean
the half deserted towns
one day my mother picks me up from school
on a day like this
at lunchtime
she arrives in our blue morris minor
i think shes very pretty
i’m always relieved when she arrives
i havent got any lunch if she forgets to come
i look at the picture of our young queen elizabeth
every morning we sing god save the queen
save her from what? i think…..death…..?
i love the happy n glorious n victorious bits tho
i guess the date is the 21st of april 1961
this day is always trying to reclaim me
my mother drives down the road and i sit beside her
my mother is a secretary for a guy called jim leadingham
i never met him but i heard about him plenty
same as my dad
his big boss was called george buckland
i never met him either
but they’d get mentioned at home a lot
my mother drives along the kembla grange
away from dapto and my school
towards wollongong and the lighthouse
we drive through unanderra
and all the houses n shops have significance for me
they all call out to me
i see their lives
i see their secrets
my mother keeps driving
we come to figtree
a turn off up there would take us to aunty mays
thru figtree
past the hospital where russell will be born
into wollongong
the 3rd biggest city in nsw we were told proudly
50 miles south of sydney
the steelworks
the milk bars
the weeds and the cigarette butts
lemonade delivered in crates on tuesdays by brough brothers
gee their cola had a great taste
mum likes to shop at anthony horderns
anthony horderns…what a great name for a shopping emporium
can you imagine an emporium called steven kilbeys?
we park by the lighthouse
outside a motel with sea shell window sills and frames
we sit on a bench
under a seagull sky
while the wind whips out our hair about
my mum is about 33
we have a strange relationship
i want to be her little boy
but somehow i’m already too old
already i’m too old in my shoes to be a boy
even though i’m only seven
somehow she keeps me at arms length
she loves me of course
but she doesnt really seem to like me
its ok
i’m beginning to accept the fact
that a lotta people dont really like me that much
i seem to have been born with this general dislikeability
just like some have a big nose or an aptitude for sports
i was born a bit hard to like
i kinda know why that is
even at seven
and i kinda secretly rejoice in it
i realize it is my strength n weakness kinda combined
and i immediately feel different
as soon as i could feel anything
the first thing i felt was different
and i wasnt justa kid
and i wasnt justa little boy
i was something less n more
women saw it in me
and the grown up ladies treated me strangely
never mind
i’m sitting under the lighthouse in wollongong
the fresh sea air
the sea gulls wheeling in the sky
we eat our sandwiches
the sun shines and is covered by cloud
the world seems so new
the world seems so shiny
the world seems so noisy
on mornings like that
in times like these
another noisy morning

21 Responses to “noisy morning”

  1. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 20 April 2009 at 10:03 pm #

    what, have the kids for you on the hop this morning? how are they going being on holidays?
    love always…

  2. avatar
    restaurant mark | 20 April 2009 at 10:21 pm #

    a short but great blog!

    take care

  3. avatar
    steve kilbey | 20 April 2009 at 10:52 pm #

    t vlach has written another lovely poignant thing about
    #23 at h.womb
    you are brilliant
    you always explain to me what i have done
    some of the aspects i never realised
    long may you comment on my music n words

  4. avatar
    princey | 20 April 2009 at 11:13 pm #

    I love when men talk/write loving things about their sweet ol’ mums (it gives me hope my boy will remember me this way when I’m old and grey!).
    Love Amanda
    P.S.I can’t find vlach’s comment, is he Verdalay?
    Hey sk, do the comments about ya music from the rest of us mean nuthin to you? :((((((

  5. avatar
    heyday2day | 20 April 2009 at 11:26 pm #

    sk, you are correct. both vlach and fando have a talent for writing reviews, putting hard to describe, intangible things into words. i can’t possibly do #23 the justice it deserves but they can. intuitive and cerebral are their descriptions. there are many like me who feel the same but can’t express it in the same ways. i’m glad you noticed.


  6. avatar
    never really new what i was looking for when the moment came i was looking away | 21 April 2009 at 12:19 am #

    a beautiful thing to be you

  7. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 21 April 2009 at 1:01 am #

    Vishnu is sustaining Sk. The ongoing SK verse mynah birds saga is mentioned again. Remember the souls of humans may be entrapped in those mynah birds (According to Empedocles and Devout Hindus). It’s earth day on April 22. The killing of animals for “meat” causes more environmental toxicity and global warming than any other destructive human activity. It’s concurrently known by Kilbey, Morrissey and the dude who sang “Let It Be.”

  8. avatar
    linjo | 21 April 2009 at 2:26 am #

    Beautiful blog Steve. I can almost smell it,having spent time there as a kid. Lucky we are to have been loved children. I just came back from Bi-Lo (supermarket) where I witnessed a father threatening his ragged little tot that he would hit her if she didnt shut up, then out in the carpark the abuse continued with the bastard screaming at her shut up and get in the fkn car. Poor little thing so young and forlorn in her grubby clothes. I slowed down near then but he gave me a most threatening look and I didnt want confrontation today. I walked home with a tear in my eye, but what do you do? I hope someone will help.
    Wollongong is now in the grip of a severe unemployment crisis due to the steelworks laying workers off and the fallout from that.(4 corners last night). I worry about the future of my teenage boys. How will things reverse when businesses are relocating to Asia?
    Gotta keep positive. Linda

  9. avatar
    M E M | 21 April 2009 at 2:38 am #

    killer, we keep seeking and seeking, and what truly matters, your heart and hand has touched so many,
    all my thoughts are with you… and yes, so beautiful…

  10. avatar
    the dean | 21 April 2009 at 3:42 am #

    did you have any close friends growing up?

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 April 2009 at 5:01 am #

    Steve- the new supergroup has been put together! thank god for real rock and roll-

    i wish u and marty went heavy-

    chickenfoot is sammy from montrose and VH, michael anthony VH(bass) chad smith (red hot peppers) and guitar god Joe Satriani!
    wow! the sound is back in the day!
    rock and roll!
    steve check this out!!!

    money! you need money!$$$$$
    maybe your musical life could change for an album or two???

    ~Mathieu in Tucson AZ, USA

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 April 2009 at 9:16 am #

    wait til you get home, tired, and just want to flake…and then the doof doof starts…

  13. avatar
    fantasticandy | 21 April 2009 at 9:50 am #

    as a kid ray bradbury was my favourite writer.
    as an adult it’s steve kilbey.

    linjo…that kinda thing really gets to me, i guess anyone who’s gone without something for their kids feels that way.

    anon 3:01 in tucson….that sounds like the most boring godawful cliched band ever.
    technically they’re all staggeringly good….but where’s the magic?

    #23….STILL waiting!

  14. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 21 April 2009 at 10:15 am #

    …i remember going to the beach when i was very small in our clapped out blue ford….sometimes we’d take our dog snag (and yes he was a sausage dog) and he’d lay on the floor with his head under the drivers seat or sit om my lap with his head out the window sniffing the wind….we used to go to lighthouse beach in ballina and there was a shower outside where you could clean the salt water off but you always had a crotch full of sand….also had a tuck shop there where you could get hot chips with vinegar on them…so much bite in the vinegar that it’d make your mouth hurt….the roar and bellow of the summer sun and the uncomfortable way your sticky and sweaty skin would stick to the vinyl of the car seat on the way home…..
    i know what it’s like to be a distant child… parents thought i was autistic for quite a while…..quiet and reserved…..
    love always…..

  15. avatar
    restaurant mark | 21 April 2009 at 1:13 pm #

    that’s better…when i went to the site the first time it just had a title up and that was it. didn’t know if was just the site or you steve???
    really liked that one…not sure what to say, just connected with me…

    take care

  16. avatar
    John Garratt | 21 April 2009 at 3:11 pm #

    I continue to wait for “#23.” I’m getting it the less-expensive way. Which means I have to wait about another month or so.

  17. avatar
    CSTCoach | 21 April 2009 at 3:32 pm #

    “the radios : ad rubbish ad rubbish
    the tvs : rubbish ad rubbish ad”

    jaysus, isn’t that the truth!

    beautiful reminiscences, killa. some great blogs over the past few days.

    “as soon as i could feel anything
    the first thing i felt was different”

    is that true of everyone, i wonder? i always felt this, from as early as i can remember. but when i ask friends i grew up with about it, they didn’t have it. none of them can remember feeling infinitely more intelligent than the teachers we outsmarted with our schemes, for example. but i always did. i always knew that, though i was powerless as a kid in their system, i could plot circles around em, play dumb, act naive, and carry out my pranks unscathed. it surprises me to learn that not everyone felt that way growing up.

  18. avatar
    Cee | 21 April 2009 at 4:26 pm #

    people still believing…

  19. avatar
    davem | 21 April 2009 at 6:13 pm #

    No crow? there’s got to be a crow!!!
    We all like you SK.
    We adore you!

  20. avatar
    catchow | 21 April 2009 at 7:49 pm #

    once again,a wonderful blog!
    good writtings
    good considerations,with a bit of
    emotions,disli”kealbi”lity is a painful feeling to live with…
    21st of april 1961:failed to invasion of the bay of pigs???

  21. avatar
    veleska1970 | 21 April 2009 at 9:49 pm #

    sounds like you need some peace and quiet for a change.

    enjoy your day, steve.

    lotza love….

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