hollow cheeked messenger of the gods

one to the left

one to the right

one in black

one in red

one in man

one in wo-man

possession nine tenths of the lore

i been possessed

angry elemental gnawing at me betweeen my body n brain

oh baby its a mystery

no wonder i so angry

a cat in a world of dog

a snake in my eden

how to forgive the unforgivable

no you cant imagine what i went thru

some stupid evil all over me in its ignorance

never mined

a doctor i have lost my patience

yes i turn again to the white witch

and she again does not fail me

restoring hopeless faith in my heart

i rise from the ashes of my latest downfall

i dust myself off

how much can this old frame endure

the witch says now smile

and lo i finally smiled

the witch a tall gaunt witch she is

the witch said rise up n walk my boy

and lo i could again walk

and the elemental black spirit temporarily banished

but it hovers about me still

and its ever watchful and waiting for me to fall n fail

and thru my thin worn out fabric it will pierce my heart again

and i just wanted to pursue happiness

and i just wanted to be like i could

and thats life

with its awful ogres

with its uselessnesses

with its death n disease

with its mistakes n its mysteries

and even in my travails i remained calm

oh my fiendss you would have been proud of me

wronged and busted still i remained calm

outraged and imprisoned reasonless

i saw it coming

thus i knew it would eventually be

and it was

and i stood there letting it wash over me

all my life leading up to this

st steven the martyr shot by the arrows of pitiless destiny

alone in a lonely stinking place

hoping the nightmare would cease n i would awake

but alas the bad dream was real enough

no none of this is metaphor

yes i was injured needlessly

and the angry elemental is screaming in my fucking ear to do something about it

and how hard it is to resist that black invisible thing hounding me down

and how hard it is to be cheerful after everything now this

and christ jealousy and anger brought you down

and krsna killed by the shot of a poor ignorant hunter

and buddha poisoned by the meat of a stupid farmer

and achilles slain by a coward

and ever yes it was thus

and ever yes it will be

and now i am hanging on by a thread of pure reason

and in knowledge that surely things happen that none of us deserve

and that one day i will laugh and cease to remember all of this

and that things may be restored to me

and that acceptance must be mine

and that as usual i will prevail

because thats what i always do eventually

i prevail

i go on

i smash my head against the wall till the fucking wall collapses

i learn my lesson

i keep moving forward

i turn every minus into a plus

i defy the lesser men who are so readily plentiful

and whatever they sling at me

i remain true to myself

angry maybe

stupid as well

but i remain on my own terms despite the worms

and i plunge into my coldest pool

to cool down this white hot righteous n unrighteous anger

to swim in that freezing water so that i can face another day

and i stand in my yoga poses

trying not to listen to the whispering spirits

who goad me into some new deleterious misadventure

who astonisheth me with their persuasive powers

and for now i have accept it all with a grimace or grin

but surely soon i will be released

thats it for today

make of it what you will

and will of it what you make

your very humbled hero

me