posted on March 22, 2011 at 3:12 pm

black cat/white man

is there meaning in suffering

or are we simply suffering

random lifeform on a lucky planet

bizarre microbe evolved into poetry-writing monster

that primal pool of cosmic goo struck by lightnin’

vishnu dreams up planets floating out of his pores fully formed

weird visitors shaping us in their images

children from the future

ghosts before their time

ive got a feeling this is all a joke

ive got a joke this is all a feeling

so i got my feelers out sensing the atmosphere

i am bound to a certain extent by my age my gender my race my belief

time and space and race prevent much understanding

fragments come thru from someone unknown

i want to understand at least myself but i remain impenetrable

i want to change the settings but the panel is inaccessible

i see no way in i see no way out

the manipulation of opposites may contain a clue

but a clue to what……?

how do you manipulate opposites anyway

well you stretch them apart and in the middle is something else

and the mind held half on half off

flickering between the two opposite things or qualities

suddenly temporarily jammed open and in comes X

oh sk you say i can hear you what doth X equal

oh ho ho but i tried to describe X for 31 one years in sound n song

childe there is no simple equation for this thing X

but X feeds something inside your many selves

you your heart your mind your ethereal body your sexual desire

oh my god if i but could freely dispense X they would nail me up

i would be taken away in a big black car for a lonely ride

i would be found miles away insane or appearing and vanishing

everyone wants that X

everyone that had it never says no again

so these other ones try to learn to manipulate opposites to obtain X

but X is illusive and elusive and allusive

hard to sift thru all of the dross to find theres not a trace

no nothing in your test tube or philtre

the more you push

until eventually travelling in an opposite direction

youve become youre own opposite

with all the things that come with that

the humdrum surrounds us choking our senses

the mundane alternating between cozy and stifling

the momentary pull of jesus or opium

the jolt of injury the explosion of orgasm

the hurtling train of the thought in my mind

derailed it goes plowing through the fields of your memories

some call this madness some call it vision

some call it a nuisance and block it all out

the afternoon has turned nasty

the electricity builds up in our cortex and sky

love charged storm ….will it emit X

maybe indirectly maybe as an accident

X will be released in some gland in the cyclonic eye

washing right through us like red dye thru a cloth

crashing down on the buildings and towns

the human race comes alive reborn from the earth

children resembling seraphs

reassembled from spirit and atom of yore

convulsed up at the beginning of time

(i laugh to think it was that long ago)

spat out by creation whatever it was

formed by some god

unknown by a name







36 Responses to “philosophic ramble”

  1. avatar
    meg manestar | 22 March 2011 at 5:51 pm #

    I shall bestow my appreciation of another stellar peice of philosophy with a little historical anecdote you may find amusing (especially the last part).. as no words are needed to express my delight at reading your words.
    First a bit of background….
    1938 the first Coelacanth was found…thought to have become extinct 50,000,000 years ago. It was caught in the Bay of Chalumna, off South Africa and was named Latimeria-Chalumnae, in honour of a Miss Courtenay-Latimer who kept the fish.
    Behind the story of the writer who recorded it in bookform….
    The Story of
    the Coelacanth
    J. L. B. SMITH

    Illustrated with Photographs

    This book is dedicated to

    Miss M. Courtenay-Latimer

    one of South Africa’s

    most able women


    THIS Story has been dragged from my reluctant pen by the
    unflagging determination of my wife, consciously aided and
    abetted by numerous friends and unwittingly by publishers and
    literary agents from several countries.

    In succumbing, for the sake of historical record, it has been my
    aim to present this extraordinary event as accurately as possible.

    This has involved the mention of many different persons who
    played their part in the creation and course of this story. I have
    spared nobody, least of all myself, which is the extenuation I
    offer to those inclined to find my descriptive words harsh.

    The general public is apt to regard people like leading scientists
    or cabinet ministers as almost superhuman and beyond or above
    ordinary human emotions. They are not, emphatically not, and
    to scale the heights a man must be prepared to wage an unending,
    bitter battle with those persistent fundamental weaknesses that
    constantly plague us all. One friend who kindly read the manu-
    script asked me if I realised how it revealed myself. I do not mind.
    No man is a god.

    J. L. B. Smith

    August 1955

  2. avatar
    Dutch Pierre | 22 March 2011 at 7:49 pm #

    Very thought provoking on the eve of my 50th Steve ! Excellent at trying to sum things up but still asking questions – cheers Peter

  3. avatar
    Linjo | 22 March 2011 at 9:21 pm #

    Does there have to be an opposite to attract? Like minds attract the most but yeah I think we do try to manipulate the opposites to our own way of thinking! Suffering will always be there, but how to handle it Steve? I am in the thick of handling dad’s old age depression and neediness! But life is good when you got the fundamentals going ok. xxxx Kids are the reason, thank god we got em, dear little sponge brains asking why why

  4. avatar
    algebra | 22 March 2011 at 9:34 pm #

    X is the reason we want to live
    which, most of the time, we do
    even though we don’t know Y

  5. avatar
    . | 22 March 2011 at 9:50 pm #

    buddha got it right
    the journey here is suffering
    so many points of view, death and life
    the ladder to and from heaven
    with angels coming up and down
    Jacob’s dream, does it really matter
    paranormal or historical event
    that seems to be the chatter
    philosophers and scholars debate the significance
    the literary meaning of a prose so ancient
    what it means in the present day
    is for you and I to interpret
    an intriguing subject that will not sleep
    Abraham is not excluded either
    the test of faith, the human factor
    did the angels test him and for what reason
    how lowly of a creature must we be
    to be tempted, tortured, and tested by things heavenly
    human sacrifice, anguishing precipice of our emotional capacity
    blind spiritual refinement so impossible for humans to understand
    if you were commanded by an “angel” you’d probably do it, too
    with no way to question them, he’s just a humble man
    why the extreme examples to signify the importance of resolve
    how many lives have been lost for an empty cause
    malevolent intruders into this realm we call our own
    devious in their agendas, with no place to call home
    we’re an easy target as our need for faith feeds the belief
    between good and evil, are we awake or are we all asleep
    we’d rather not be bothered, there’s too much to do today
    daily patterns keep our conscious succinct and to the point
    realism over what “ifisms” is easier to contemplate
    choral hymns in a chapel, southern revival in the hot summertime
    praying in synchronized rhythm under theocratic control
    reincarnation to settle your cosmic debt, pondering a blade of grass
    religion and philosophy there for each individual, race, and class
    do the gods realize that their experiment is prone to divide
    so many truths out there, they can divide our minds and soul
    silence the individual, they’re just a rivet in the orbital panel
    see through the smokescreen, you may just keep your soul
    whatever that is…

  6. avatar
    DavidP | 22 March 2011 at 10:24 pm #

    we seem to bounce off each other a bit sometimes
    “i want to understand at least myself but i remain impenetrable
    i want to change the settings but the panel is inaccessible”
    – I read this book and started putting it into practice some years ago
    – thats what i and many others have found really works but it can take time and really needs to be combined with doing some other things whilst also not doing certain other ones to be successful.
    hopefully youve got that book in easy reach, i gave it to you before.
    well worth reading, there really is something to it in my experience.
    but, each to his own. can take it or leave it, i don’t mind. But i reckon you will find it an interesting read at least.

  7. avatar
    evilren | 22 March 2011 at 10:41 pm #

    good stuff, wish I had time to comment, however, I’m off to work to afford the car that takes me to work.

  8. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 22 March 2011 at 11:53 pm #

    I walked to the edge of a cliff-
    High above crashing water and splintering rocks-
    I pondered –
    If I jumped, would I fly?
    At that given moment, would I evolve?

    Crawled out of the ocean…
    Dug out from under a rock…
    Fell to earth…

    Could I change history?
    Will I be remembered historically?
    Shall I take this leap of…Faith?

    What if this is all a Joke? A practical joke between good and evil, the line drawn in the midst of light and dark? If so…is this funny?

    Thousands upon thousands washed away, death from above dropping down like fireworks, agree to disagree, engaged without violence-no such thing…

    I stand and take a step back-
    Fuck, this cliff is higher than I thought-
    Test the boundaries, Test the existence-
    Test the laws of nature, nurture-

    No, Not This Day
    Will there be a tomorrow?

    Darrin K.

  9. avatar
    Jonny Hollywood | 23 March 2011 at 12:27 am #

    planet X to the rescue, come rapture me away…

  10. avatar
    Lara | 23 March 2011 at 2:14 am #

    I like this, SK. Just knowing that X is there is really something.

  11. avatar
    monksphere | 23 March 2011 at 4:22 am #

    Mr. Kilbey, much respect and thank you for the Feb. 8 show at the Triple Door, would’ve gave both my kidneys and left nut if you played Heyday for an encore. I’ve thought about opposites now and then–“…there is no simple equation for this thing X”, i came to the conclusion that the world really is black and white and it can be explained in the yin/yang symbol. So i suppose the equation ain’t simple but maybe a start? End? I took the thoughts of opposites further and figured god is female and satan is male. I think if god really is male, satan would have been blown away rather then given his own kingdom. Wasn’t the bulletproof vest invented by a female? Suffering and pain might just be reminders that we’re still living, for good or ill. Some days i can embrace my suffering and on others…all i can do “is forget about today until tomorrow” as best as possible or something like that, hell it’s so difficult to explain something so personal. Keep your head up, i hope things get better sooner than later.

  12. avatar
    Once | 23 March 2011 at 4:36 am #

    I think I know what X is
    Unconditional self love
    I’m not talking narcissism
    Or masturbatory indulgence
    Or a great hair day
    Or even the light of laughter
    X will never have
    (This word after it)
    Because it doesn’t have a source
    Because it doesn’t have an end
    I know that it comes through the sky
    I know that it’s radiant
    And it’s looking for a home
    I felt it only once
    When I was doing nothing
    No drink, no drugs, no sex
    Not praying, hoping, or wanting
    I was driving home, song on the radio
    It was Elton John, but that’s not important
    Tho I’m pretty sure X likes music
    Because it makes math pretty
    Math being order and structure
    Equations we can’t exist without
    And it pleases X
    When structure begets feeling
    Begotten not made, remember
    X scattered my molecules
    Pink and frothy
    Like the clouds that day
    Like diluted blood
    And they vibrated
    With everything in life
    With everything beyond life
    Which is it’s own better life
    I wasn’t there, but I was everywhere
    And I loved that
    Who flipped the turn signal
    And exited the freeway?
    My surprisingly aesthetic animal psychosis
    And I will not love myself
    Until I am no longer human
    All love here
    Has conditions.

    • avatar
      Once | 23 March 2011 at 9:22 am #

      Almost forgot…((points at blog photo)): KITTY!

      Cat’s know X…oh, yes…but they ain’t sharin’.

      • avatar
        Once | 23 March 2011 at 10:14 am #

        Second misplaced apostrophe. I know. It’s = It is. Possession is its. Cats is simply a PLURAL – how’d I fuck THAT one up?

        If I loved myself, I’d go, “yeah, well they know what I mean!”

        That’s never good enough, never will be.

  13. avatar
    D.A. | 23 March 2011 at 8:05 am #

    Steve, I recommend In Search of Time (the History, Physics and Philospohy of Time) by Dan Falk. Good read.

  14. avatar
    andy | 23 March 2011 at 8:32 am #

    hey, it could just as easily all be totally meaningless!
    surely that’s possible too?
    i just take things one day at a time….amazed by everything.

  15. Kraig
    Kraig | 23 March 2011 at 8:36 am #

    X=The Kitty? Hey Steve…so when and where did you find the kitten at? We have 3 and love them to death! Is that X? I think so, at least in my mind!

  16. avatar
    Narelle | 23 March 2011 at 9:12 am #

    “Above all, we need a renewed Enlightenment, which will base itself on the proposition that the proper study of mankind is man, and woman. This Enlightenment will not need to depend, like its predecessors, on the heroic breakthroughs of a few gifted and exceptionally corageous people. It is within the compass of he average person. The study of literature and poetry, both for its own sake and for the ethical questions with which it deals, can now easily depose the scrutiny of sacred texts that have been found to be corrupt and confected”….quoted from a known author who knows who he is…in the meantime…will keep an eye out for any suspicious looking black cars

  17. avatar
    Freddie | 23 March 2011 at 11:27 am #

    The X factor…hmmm…
    honestly, I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.
    But it is fascinating so keep at it!

  18. avatar
    mattyc | 23 March 2011 at 11:42 am #

    would we know suffering without pleasure or know love without hate?
    the space between is the transition. the point of singularity around which the universe revolves. in a lucid moment we can see it, touch it, know it, but it evaporates like a dream and we were never there..
    so close your eyes, and keep looking.

  19. avatar
    captain mission | 23 March 2011 at 11:54 am #

    philosophical thoughts..
    in an infinite universe everything is possible, it’s just a matter of probability if your a mathematician, if your a mystic it’s surrender, if your a magician it’s about taking control and responsibility. belief is the key. i subscribe to the old mans saying, ‘nothing is true everything is permitted’ but love is a good place to start, in fact i think it’s the essential ingredient like the good lady ‘once’ says above, unconditional self love.
    i guess to reach that place one has to embark on knowing oneself, and there lies the paradox. for the brain we use is limited, like the flea that comprehends it’s own existence may be upon the body of a dog, but it would never understand the greater geography. we are limited by our minds, which is why once in a while it does make sense to get out of the mind for cosmic perspective.
    however this road is not for everyone. undoubtably knowing thyself may reveal something we don’t like about ourselves. that’s okay. it is the great work and we are all stumbling towards knowing…
    it’s a melancholy solitary path, but once in a blue moon you meet others who are on the same journey and that’s a good thing. and once in a while you see glimpses into the ‘truth’ the true nature of reality, although these can only be described my metaphor.

  20. avatar
    queenhatshepsut | 23 March 2011 at 12:58 pm #

    “Is there meaning in suffering
    or are we simply suffering”

    One of my heroes, Viktor Frankl, pondered this question whilst in the concentration camps. He then wrote one of my favorite books, “Man’s Search for Meaning.” I think it’s up to us to give things meaning, even suffering.

    The kitty, even in shadowy profile, is adorable. I’m just in love with kitties. : )
    Denise xxoo

  21. avatar
    Joe Gibson | 23 March 2011 at 2:55 pm #

    Great stuff, SK.
    X is out there. But we can spend our whole lives trying to explain to other people.

    Here is my attempt at an explanation:

  22. avatar
    Karen | 23 March 2011 at 3:38 pm #

    x = 42 …
    I have no idea it makes my little brain go all fuzzy trying to think

    one of thoe strange coincidences though
    when my mother died in 2003 dec 29th she died on the same day my father died 34 years before In 1969 on his birthday at 45…

  23. avatar
    Ingrid | 23 March 2011 at 4:13 pm #

    Ah yes the X Factor – you definately have it SK.

  24. avatar
    DavidP | 23 March 2011 at 11:24 pm #

    maybe sometimes x is ego and other times x is the bit of divine consciousness that we all have? That spark of consciousness is beyond the mind, we activate it when we are truly aware in the present moment, it gives an objective cosmic perspective. By being aware we step out of the pendulum swing of thoughts and emotions or at least reduce the amount of swing, we step outside of time by just remaining attentive to the present moment, we conserve energy by not losing it to lower emotions, and we activate and exercise this divine consciousness which then gives it strength. The more aware we are during the day every day, then soon we can start to see more of this same awareness emerging in dreams, we start to become more lucid there, we start to wake up psychologically and therefore spiritually.

  25. avatar
    . | 24 March 2011 at 12:34 am #

    is looking for the complete explanation
    the explanation we’ve been looking for
    maybe it’s at the core of our cosmic yearning
    everyone’s perceptions are unique and inviting
    searching leads us to closed and unlockable doors
    having the entire truth about eternity would frustrate
    and dull the possibilities of finding out something great
    i still can’t fully grasp infinity and its’ dimensions
    maybe, just maybe, it’s meant to be that way

  26. avatar
    Martha | 24 March 2011 at 9:26 am #

    For a long time, I’ve tried to put my finger on X. Found that I enjoy the journey of thought rather than any satisfaction that could possibly be brought by reaching a conclusion.
    Meaning? Why? Why bother? Why seek answers and risk ending curiosity – ending the drive for knowing?
    Yes, another observation, another feeling, another opinion from another filter/observer.
    I think until I am nothing but thought. Stare until I see nothing – or perhaps everything. Listen until my soul resonates in harmonic frequency.

    The observer decides, consciously or not, the most comfortable time and place from which to observe…

  27. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 24 March 2011 at 10:39 am #

    The life of a black cat is just as precious as the life of a white man. They both experience joy, pain, comfort suffering and the the death experience. People who abuse black cats are morally cretinous reprobates.

  28. avatar
    Cocoamo | 24 March 2011 at 11:38 am #

    To quote Paul the alien, from the movie “Paul” (pretty good movie by the way)(Too much swearing for children).

    “Whatever, Dude”.

    Your friend in Pennsylvania
    (Now in Cocoa Beach)

  29. avatar
    Steven Krut | 24 March 2011 at 11:43 am #

    I’ve been reading this book about process philosophy. The basic idea is that reality can’t be understood in terms of static, fixed things, but rather as processes – modes of change. So the X that you’re looking for can never be found because there is no discrete, stable entity that can carry it’s label. Looking for some “thing” is fundamentally the wrong approach. It’s more complicated than that, of course. Otherwise the book wouldn’t be 400 pages long.

  30. avatar
    hellbound heart | 24 March 2011 at 7:18 pm #

    damn, but this is good………
    love always…

  31. avatar
    rob | 25 March 2011 at 4:40 am #

    There’s the mistake, it’s sitting there under it’s own weight, clear as anything we may or may not see. Desire to manipulate opposites places our energy outside of ourself, it is a state of weakness, embracing opposites is love and power.

  32. avatar
    rob | 25 March 2011 at 5:24 am #

    BTW, I am not a Buddhist, never believed in suffering as a necessary result of desire, although, perhaps, misguided desire is a well traveled path on which we all spend a lot of time. More of a taoist in my ways, not the religion, the philosophy, which is a study in the ‘way’ of feeling, the ‘way’ of being, the ‘way’ of living things, and a path to least resistance. Why make our life a grinding of rocks against one another when there is a softer way which may bring us other possibilities? Some info here:

  33. avatar
    Laicee | 7 July 2011 at 8:15 am #

    Many many qutaily points there.

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