posted on February 14, 2007 at 7:29 pm

stabbing in the dark
billy franklin shut down his neurotine fountain
bad science fiction always made him cringe
and this wasnt gonna be any different
god i hate all those conjunctive pseudo-bullshit words
he said wiping the preda-tour from his chrypto- puce
franklin
as you may remember
is your futuristick magickal uber-agent
working for a cabal of tycoons n millionaires
intent on subverting “reality”
franklin is gaunt n wasted
his thin air plastered against his scalp
like steerpike on meth-analog
or like andre breton on neo-pix
or like robert the bruce on shreddy-mones minus the fucking kilt
or like apollo mc god on ambrosia dipped purple heads
yeah franklin is a cool cool cat
hes got nine lives too
one for the flaming sun
2 for the location
3 for the martyrs and the etc etc etc
billy franklin always gets a 5 star review too
for all his music/chrymes
franklin is the laydees man
franklin is the last word in hideo-cute
he hunts down carnivores n picks em off with his appender
nothing funny than a flesho out of phase with himself
franklin dont care
they been warned
franklin hadda laugh
a cannister of clean air was now more expensive
than a bottle of clean water
i mean you could still breathe the “free” air
but everynow n then you hadda pop a can of kleen-heir
or yer lungsd give up the ghosting
ever since china n india had become chindia
everytime franklin took a deep breath
he could hear his lungs straining n weezing
trying to find any stray oxy-gen in there
todays assignment: the time being
21 st century blogger n spacerocker
the being had seen it coming way way way back
the 1970s…can you credit that ?
but then in 2007 came the beings crisis of faith
where hed come to a fork in the road
and the being had chosen the nonexistent middle way
deserted by his protogees n disciples
lost in a roman wilderness of pain
for 40 days n nights
tormented by grotesque visions
tempted by the deville
now manifested as a big fat aussie show biz exec
maaate dont ya wanna make some real munnie?
asked the tasteless buffooon
his safari suit open to reveal a leo pendant on his hairy chest
the devilles beer n wine gut hung over his calf-leather belt
and upon his fingers flashed ostentatious gold
maate all ya gotta do is play unguarded moment n eat this
he pushed over a barrel of mc chicken-knuckles
he pulled out a copy of “the charts”
it wasnt just the music charts
the deville had the charts on everything
who was making the most money
who was getting the most sex
who was taking the most drugs
who was living in the nicest house in vaucluse
who was listening to the most hip n obscure music
who was envied most
who stuff was coveted most
whos image was the most copied
who was the most enlightened
who was the most young looking olde guy
who was the most holier than thou
it was all there
an index of where you stood
now he offered the being the world
get thee behind me seitan muttered the being
but the lord of evil was not thru
maate remember how ya used to sell out 2 nights at the enmore?
maate remember how ya used to stay at the poshmore hilton in vaucluse?
and how ya always had a ford waitin for ya at the heir-porte
and ya started with a fuckin falcon n then
i took ya up to a forte
n then a futura
then a fairmont
then a fuckin fairlane
then finally
a LTD
maate you were drivin round in a LTD!
the devilles alcohol swollen veins popped in his face
whats fuckin wrong with ya maaate
you coulda haddit all
you had the loox
you had the choons
you had a grate banned….
my 7th wife n i danced to unguarded moment
at my # 6s beheading n our wedding
the old deville belched a sulphorous !
scuse me mate
ive gotta fuckin ulcer!
missus served up chicken vindaloo
n i feel crook…
have you thought of a vegan diet?
asked the thoughtful being
mee….naaah…im the deville aint i
you cant have a vegan deville can ya?
well why not? offered that pleasant being in his melodious voice
well…began the dev
suddenly he exploded in anger
look i just like the taste…ok?
sure said that handsome calm being
the deville said
how olde art thou being?
verily replied the radiant being
i am 52 summers
no fuckin way groaned the deville
as he eyed his flowing chins n greying flesh
he held his bulging belly n his knees creaked
im only fuckin thirty nine…
the deville stopped and the room grew silent
suddenly franklin burst thru the door
he was naked…all timetravel must be naked
franklin stared at devilles buxsome gorgeous vegan secretary
hey honey do ya like time travel…?
the security men burst thru the door levelling their salami guns
at the being n franklin
and the sprinkler system went off
the infra red alarms went off too
and the whole place was breaking up
the being ,franklin n the naked secretary
ran thru the now cracking apart building
take them
take them
screamed the dev
his men all crack shots
could not seem to hit our hero
the 3 fled out a secret passageway
that ran under a nuclear playstation
suddenly they came to a sheer drop
the ocean crashed around rocks far below
the devilles men were on their trail
there was only one thing left to do
(to be continued)

57 Responses to “pluperfect”

  1. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 14 February 2007 at 9:09 pm #

    this lil devil here in me dark room is only thirty-seven me esskay, 3+7=one just for you…
    Ne iko

  2. avatar
    eek | 14 February 2007 at 9:33 pm #

    have you thought of a vegan diet?
    asked the thoughtful being

    I love that the TB was trying to convert the devil himself! While the switch would certainly be good for the devil, I’m not really sure that giving in to a nut cutlet would be such an evil that it would seal the deal for a tempted soul. Then again the Time Being is a subversive guy, so perhaps that was exactly what he had in mind. 😉

  3. avatar
    Centuryhouse | 14 February 2007 at 9:42 pm #

    Cool 🙂

    dw

  4. avatar
    gator | 14 February 2007 at 9:51 pm #

    Was this building made of plas-crete?

    Wintermute signals approval, ringing every phone on the airport wall.

  5. avatar
    the dean | 14 February 2007 at 9:56 pm #

    at what point did the secretary become naked?

  6. avatar
    veleska1970 | 14 February 2007 at 10:00 pm #

    “there was only one thing left to do
    (to be continued)”

    ….i’m anxiously awaiting….

    🙂

  7. avatar
    Fandorin | 14 February 2007 at 10:14 pm #

    steerpike on meth-analog

    bleeh…

    who was listening to the most hip n obscure music

    that must be MWP – if that guy would write a daily record blog, the world would be a better place…30.000 records… 30.000 divided by 365… that’d be over 80 years of record blogging…. come on, hook em up, and i’ll stop eating seafood…!!

  8. avatar
    restaurant mark | 14 February 2007 at 10:15 pm #

    that was great…can’t wait for part 2
    if you convert the devil you are indeed a smooth and convincing fella!
    take care

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 February 2007 at 10:33 pm #

    uuumm..I guess you hadda be there.

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 February 2007 at 11:01 pm #

    Steve,

    Ive been away for far too long, but oh my its great to be back here. I love this place.

    Seeya at Manchester Lane – Slay em.

    Pierre

    Melbourne, a bright n clear 31 degrees.

  11. avatar
    cold in ohio | 14 February 2007 at 11:04 pm #

    awesome post today/ i love it !

  12. avatar
    Celticat | 14 February 2007 at 11:31 pm #

    Oh yeah – loved this morning blog.

    Much Love

  13. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 14 February 2007 at 11:41 pm #

    …all my dreams seem so long ago

    you know who said it

  14. avatar
    Tim | 14 February 2007 at 11:50 pm #

    Nice!…Salman Rushdie meets Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure…

    Can’t wait for the sequel…

    Bartering with the Devil…hmmm..

    In the business world we call this “negotiating from a position of disadvantage”

    Best!

    Tim.

    P.S. Day 4 on the wagon!

  15. avatar
    nic | 14 February 2007 at 11:55 pm #

    brilliant!!! (as usual)
    awaiting part 2…..

    nic

  16. avatar
    nickfiction | 15 February 2007 at 12:00 am #

    Looking forward to the next installment

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 February 2007 at 12:10 am #

    Does an electric kilbey dream of human sheep…? D in Tx asks…by the way, I was just awoken by a thousand baby blue jays drinking from my fishpond…they left behind a load of crap- but man they were beautiful to watch! swirling and fluttering all about..

  18. avatar
    Imber | 15 February 2007 at 12:27 am #

    Love it!

    “you cant have a vegan deville can ya?
    well why not? offered that pleasant being in his melodious voice”

    Looking forward to reading the rest.

  19. avatar
    CSTCoach | 15 February 2007 at 12:43 am #

    Love that science friction & poetry 🙂

    ryan

  20. avatar
    fantasticandy | 15 February 2007 at 12:44 am #

    such an inventive mind.
    and sooooo funny.
    bring on part 2.
    love,
    andy L.

  21. avatar
    adina | 15 February 2007 at 2:21 am #

    ^_^

  22. avatar
    Melquiades | 15 February 2007 at 3:13 am #

    Did they switch on their lexmass moleclular regenerators and vaporize just as the devil lept for their souls?

    regards,
    pins and needles

  23. avatar
    mattdavison | 15 February 2007 at 3:56 am #

    Great one Killa-bee…

    NEVETS….ISODORE,

    YOU MUST GO BUY IT…IT’S FRICKKEN UNREAL sk,s best non Ceerrcch stuff yet. Infact Sanskrit mabee the best song I ve ever heard..Ultravox Vienna level……Y know what I mean!!

    i AM gonna talk 2 ya all about the world’s best drummer mr Timmo Powles..when I get a chance…md

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 February 2007 at 3:58 am #

    Matt ,
    I like you better when your at the casino.

    Russell Crowe

  25. avatar
    Emily Teechin | 15 February 2007 at 4:01 am #

    hilaaaarious

  26. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 15 February 2007 at 4:27 am #

    Snowflake said softly:

    “Who is our greatest enemy, Raindrop? Whisper it to me. I don’t want the children to see how frightened I am.”

    “Shhh,” Raindrop replied. “Have courage. Remember, I am with you.”

    But the tunnel through which they were dashing grew more chill and narrow all the time.

    Faster, faster, faster! Some mighty power had them in its grip. Then without warning they felt themselves being snatched upwards.

    Raindrop cried:

    “Courage, Snowflake! It IS our most bitter foe. Fire!”

    There was a house in a crowded city street before her. Black smoke and yellow flames were pouring from the roof and windows. Orange tongues of fire were licking upwards.

    Then, with the powerful stream of water shot from the brass nozzle of the hose held by the firemen, Snowflake was hurled straight for the centre of the fiery furnace.

    The heart of the fire glowed red and evil. Bright blades of yellow flames leaped like sword strokes to destroy all in their path.

    Gasping for life, all but seared by the blast from the raging furnace, Snowflake was near to giving way to despair and defeat.

    She recalled what Raindrop had said: “Give all your strength, all your heart and soul. We must win!”

    And in that moment she thought of the One from whom her heart and soul had come, and she cried out: “Help us. Remember, when I was a child you loved me… If you must, take me, but spare Raindrop and my children.”

    In that instant, Snowflake and all those who were rallied beside her in the fight against the red destroyer struck at the glowing heart of the living flame and vanquished it.

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 February 2007 at 4:43 am #

    Have you taken ‘Steve Kilbey’ out of your meta data or something….the blog don’t come up on google anymore. Is this so the charmingly infuriating and infuriatingly charming mob downstairs can’t google you and read about themselves on the bloggeroo…?

    …or is it just me?

    B.Bon

  28. avatar
    Samosanx | 15 February 2007 at 4:57 am #

    yes, (the dean)…at what point did the secretary become naked?
    or are we femmes to be graced with franklin’s material delights?

  29. avatar
    Baby Lemonade | 15 February 2007 at 5:05 am #

    Wow – put the crack pipe down SK.

    The sicko-fants always get it but you really got me on this.

    Please Please…..

    Baby Lemonade

  30. avatar
    Baby Lemonade | 15 February 2007 at 5:05 am #

    Wow – put the crack pipe down SK.

    The sicko-fants always get it but you really got me on this.

    Please Please…..

    Baby Lemonade

  31. avatar
    Baby Lemonade | 15 February 2007 at 5:05 am #

    Wow – put the crack pipe down SK.

    The sicko-fants always get it but you really got me on this.

    Please Please…..

    Baby Lemonade

  32. avatar
    captainmission | 15 February 2007 at 5:38 am #

    one thing left to do…..
    ……summon up a door ?

    nice reading todays entry, yr a creative blogger.

  33. avatar
    eek | 15 February 2007 at 5:45 am #

    woah! baby lemonade REALLY means it too — said it three times. 😉

    Maybe the secretary got nekkid in preparation for a spot of time travel everyone knows all time travel must be naked — can’t go to the past or the future in the wrong clothes after all). I’m guessing that when the story resumes, the TB will drop trou (intentionally mooning the devilles men in the process) and with Billy Franklin and the buxom secretary will time travel out of that particular bit of trouble.

  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 February 2007 at 5:45 am #

    It all seems a bit quiet here, where did Kevin Beestly go ?

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 February 2007 at 5:50 am #

    Strange pakkidge arrived, 2 discs. No note. Half of a Solaris (24 min.? I’ll still have to plunk the $50 down eventually 4 da rest) and another one that’s pretty good (Ok, maybe even great), music ‘n poems ‘n stuff by some groop I never herd before. Thanx and farewell from the banished ‘n jilted.

  36. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 February 2007 at 6:12 am #

    Steerpike has always been one of my favourite badguys.
    If only the Lady Fuschia had come across, much trouble could have been saved.
    Did you know the song “The Drowning Man” by The Cure was inspired by “Gormenghast” ?

    George Taxi

  37. avatar
    God, I have so many of my own Problems, | 15 February 2007 at 7:15 am #


    Do i realize, at the core of my addiction and affliction there is one and only one source of my inhibition? Do i see its me? Realy? My question to myself at this moment in time

    once somethings said its said and once its done its done and ya gotta own it, if its a shit sandwitch or if its, yes, ambrosia, it belongs to no-one but me. and yup, you guessed it, who’s gonna take the first bite?

    the funny thing about language, its an inherent limiter. Its parameters and definitions and inflections – can we realy ever say what we mean – are all contained within this abcdefjejhj form, but there’s something else, isn’t there?

    Thought itself is a sorta ‘fractal awareness’, an infinite set of combinations and variables within finite constraint. paradox, seemingly, but tht=closer to what the future is gonna be and complexities don’t stop there.

    kinda like right now. for example, on this language thing, if you say the future depends on a willingness, is it willingness? or is it ability? or even further, is it capability?

    look at the +/- distinctions between each: willingness, ability and capability.

  38. avatar
    davem | 15 February 2007 at 8:17 am #

    Hi.
    Given that they’re crack shots and that the naked sec isn’t our hero do I have to assume that the bullets have ripped into her?
    Damn, I was waiting to see whether this buxsome, gorgeous individual was a man or a lady or a ladiesman. She never said.
    Roll on tomorrow.

    Dave M
    xx

  39. avatar
    mattdavison | 15 February 2007 at 9:43 am #

    the shore came running to me..

    Ha’ I am just a metophore..

    What’s your intentions Russell Crowe..

    >I am the time beings right hand man.
    So show yourself..or forget yourself…; or mabyee stones and insects will fight over your historic blog, body of dust..

    ))))))))))))))))))))))md

    you were only good in the insider caus of Al Pachino..you git!

  40. avatar
    mattdavison | 15 February 2007 at 9:49 am #

    where the fuck is my blue thing that came up on my blog name..

    ggrrrr friccin Eblogger )))))))))mattdavison

  41. avatar
    don joe | 15 February 2007 at 10:07 am #

    Pure satire Steve. That was utter magic to read. This is what I envy you for, the ability to write this type of literature. It’s evident that it just oozes out out of you slowly and seductively like manuka honey out of a jar. The ‘no laborious fine tuning’; just start, continue, then finish. It is such a world away from the reality but so close to what goes on (recently) it’s a lovely adventure. Thankyou for doing what you do best fiend.

    ML,
    don joe

  42. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 February 2007 at 10:15 am #

    nothing to do with anything but man, bordello is one fine tune. makes me want to slap my knees and sway around with some sort of pitch fork device firmly held in my left hand…

  43. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 February 2007 at 12:18 pm #

    anonymous 9:15, I feel the same way about the song, Lay Low on Forget Yourself. F’n great song. The one dissapointment on the FY tour in the states was it didn’t make the setlist. argh… would’ve loved to hear that live…..maybe next time?

    regards,
    cerberus

  44. avatar
    Fireseed | 15 February 2007 at 12:25 pm #

    steve

    cheers for passing on marty’s clever parrot story yes-a-day – managed to get a whole language lesson out of it this morning

    love

    fireseed

  45. avatar
    veleska1970 | 15 February 2007 at 12:25 pm #

    to mattdavison: blogger is having some ongoing issues (gee, THAT’S obvious!!). a few times i was put as “anonymous”, but then my picture was still there. (go figure) i found you can still click on your name, though, even though it isn’t blue.

  46. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 February 2007 at 1:28 pm #

    ek-sell-end

  47. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 February 2007 at 1:54 pm #

    In the ’70s the prevailing scientific opinion was that climate change would result in a new Ice Age.
    I fucking loved that idea!
    But no – it’s the opposite.
    Wankers.

  48. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 February 2007 at 2:01 pm #

    Steve,
    I have unearthed a cassette copy of an Ultravox gig at the Marquee in London, December 1978, that includes He’s A Liquid.
    If I sent it to you c/o Karmic Hit, would you actually get it? Could you convert the primitive technology to cd or wotever?
    Could you be bothered?
    Should I bother?
    I dunno…

  49. avatar
    Daniel 12 | 15 February 2007 at 2:57 pm #

    Hmmm these nefarious music biz
    carricters seem to be a recuring theme in your writings.
    Sounds like youve been burnt..

    However, sometimes the villans we conjure really represent aspects of ourselves we perhaps find disstastefull.

    For example.

    Safari suit with leo pendant = Vanity.

    Ostentatious gold = Avarice

    Charts of who’s getting the most = Envy

    You know I once encountered this guy matching your description of the Deville.

    It was a beautifull summer day and I was walking home after a swim.

    The sidewalk was bustling with
    smileing sunkissed people of all nationalities.

    Life was feeling pretty relaxed and groovy untill I saw him..

    He was sitting by himself at a street corner cafe.

    His clothes looked expensive and his face carried a cruel and grotesque sneering grin.

    His hands caressed a set of gold worry beads which his eyes veiwed with a glazed lustfull gleam.

    Fearing we might make eye contact I quickly looked away.

    That’s when I saw you Steve !

    You were inside the same cafe dressed in white.

    You had your back to the evil one and your face carried a detached but holy expression.

    The room was full of blinding white golden light!!…..

    It was from the camera crew.
    I think you were making a rock vidio or somethin.

  50. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 February 2007 at 3:29 pm #

    kilbey

    a drunken rendition of almost with you is what we just delivered. it flowed sweetly like delicate wine.

  51. avatar
    adina | 15 February 2007 at 4:59 pm #

    yea, I was gonna ask if anyone else is having issues with Blogger. It makes me sign in now with my email instead of “Leelinau” and my profile is all still there but it wont let anyone see it (I made sure the settings are correct). So I dunno…but its me Leelinau.
    ^_^

  52. avatar
    veleska1970 | 15 February 2007 at 5:37 pm #

    yeah, leelinau, i’ve had the same problem……i hate it!!!

  53. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 February 2007 at 5:52 pm #

    Whats for dinner Mr. Kilbey?
    Cheeseburger, some ribs. A nice juicy steak. It’s kind of sad on how you have so much hatred for people who enjoy eating meat. I enjoy eating meat. Does that make me a bad person? You enjoy using illegal drugs. Does that make you a bad person? I have been supporting you and your drug habbit since 1987. I think thats the problem with this blog stuff. You can really get to know someone when in years past, all you knew was what you read in a magazine. I enjoy the music of The Church. It just seems that you have become very bitter at, maybe your lack of sucess. A lot of bands get only 1 or 2 chances to ever really do something in the music world. You have been able to do a lot. Tour the world and see many different places. Play and record music. Do you appriciate what you have been able to do, or are you that bitter that you never made a zillion bucks and had 20 gold records and 10 #1 singles. There a lot of other people out there who play music that are just as talented as you are but have never had a sniff of being able to what you have done. It just seems like all you do is complain. Maybe thats what all these readers what to hear? It’s like now when I look at my Ausie EMI import record of Heyday that I have had for some 20 years and see your mug, I am thinking… there is Steve Kilbey, he hates me because I eat meat. Sad….. 🙁

    A sad guy who lives in Portland
    Oregon.

    One more thing, if you think the animals are sad, how do think your lungs and teeth feel.

  54. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 February 2007 at 5:59 pm #

    Jonathan Rhys-Myers as Billy Franklin, please

  55. avatar
    verdelay | 15 February 2007 at 6:58 pm #

    Oh, for crying out loud…

    And I really, really love Portland. I do.

    Seems like it’s raining and it won’t ever stop. Quick, the castle’s filling up…pass me my hype and slippers something sweet.

  56. avatar
    fantasticandy | 15 February 2007 at 7:26 pm #

    sad guy (4:52am)
    jeez, get a sense of humor eh?
    and i’m not having a go at you either,really.
    DON’T be sad.
    please.
    andy L.

  57. avatar
    don joe | 15 February 2007 at 9:18 pm #

    A sad guy who lives in Portland
    Oregon.

    yawn…..


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