posted on December 2, 2007 at 5:28 am

1. i hate cricket
what a boring load of codswallop
i particularly hate the way it prevented several of the churches
vids from airing on a pop show in australia in the eighties
because the cricket came before anything
i once wagered a man in the public service 50 dollars in 1976
that more people in our office had heard of david bowie
than dennis lillee or whoever it was
i lost the bet
2. silverchair
this may be unaustralian to say so or something but
i never heard one thing by them i didnt think was awful
3. brendan nelson new leader of the libs…..two chances, buckleys and none
4. ads that promise men their hair back with faked pictures of regrowth:
listen if there was one thing that would make a gazillion bucks overnight
it would hair restorer but it aint been invented….yet
now at 53 i must admit my locks aint as thick as they once were
but i dont think theres really much to be done (readers tips?)
its still nice and brown…the greys all in the beard
but its wispy and fine and thinning
i was walking behind a guy the other day
oh he had such lovely hair
thick black and shiny
the wind playing in it was a delight to behold
if only if only if only i was thinking
and then i saw his face
the lovely hair only served to emphasise his ugliness
and it suddenly all changed
a bit like robert plant
the hair of a sixteen year old girl
and the face of 100 year old debauchee
anyway
i blame my dad for my obsession with hair
he was always saying
look at roger moore , slim
‘is bloody hairs looking awfully thin…
etc
thanks to my dad
one of the first words in my vocab was toupee
he’d always say stuff like
oh yes but he had a lovely head of hair!
and oh god
so many ways to go bald
so many cruel humiliating ways (if you care)
i guess i been fairly lucky
if you lined up all the 53 year old blokes in the world
i guess i’d probably have more hair than say 70 per cent of em
anyway
as ive said
a big thick mop of hair on top of a ugly olde face
can be quite repulsive
(come in sur elton)
keith richards hair went real weird didnt it
micks got a fuckin amazin’ barnett (thats hair to you americans)
(and how did that happen? his dad was completely bald)
but still
i’d rather look like keith
ronnie woods hair
is the kinda hair i really lust after for myself
you could do anything with that hair….
anothing about hair
it keeps the radiating aust sun from blasting your scalp
aint it human nature though to want what you cant have?
funnily enough though
my face is benefitting from my veganism n yoga
gone gone all the cheesy sag and pale jowl and double chin
in its place comes my real face
just as the real me emerges from the wreckage of the heroin days
every one who sees me says
oh you looking so healthy
yes im looking like myself again
but even more
and you may laugh at this
and some of you wont believe it
but i dont fear age if i can age like this
and everyone could age gracefully
if they put some maintenance into it
someone wrote to me a while ago on my comments
asking me what it was like for a once handsome man like me
to now be olde and ugly especially in regards to “the ladies”
well of course, im married now so i dont put it to the test
but i feel more happy about being me now
than i did back then
and my face carries the scars and story of my life
the wrinkles round my eyes my laughter and tears
my frowns and my thoughtfulness
my once visible again cheekbones…money couldnt buy em
thin red lips and yellow teef
my multi coloured beard
my nose which is rather nice but always red
my jawline which has returned
clearly defined against my long relatively unwrinkled neck
my skin freckly and tanned , could be a candidate for skin cancer
my body returning to its real shape slowly but surely
weak arms
strong legs like rock
small hands
broad feet
little body hair
strengthening and becoming more flexible
the opposite of aging
well thats yoga and veganism and swimming for ya
and the gall/ego/honesty to examine this old bag of bones for ya
it aint me
not the hair or the eyes or the balls or the toes
its just a fleshsuit worn by me
and this mind aint me either
its just an apparatus i think through
but im lost in this world of bodies and minds
i like her mind
i like his body
i dont like that body or mind etc
caught up in it
the bewildering superficiality of appearance
yeah
i’d rather chat to a pretty young woman than a fat olde geezer
even though i know that actually the spirit underneath both is god
i ve learnt my lessons but i aint digested em
ants bite me while im doing yoga outside
and i do my block and fucking squash em
and the uni-verse laughs and says
kilbey what a wanker
i make no claims that i’m right or superior or anything
its interesting to dissect this mass of organic material
that has organised itself into steve kilbey
a temporary sent to earth to learn how to love and live
just like the hair thing
im doing better than a lot of em
but trailing a long way behind the goode guys
whoever the fuck they are
(the people who put their own lives on the line)
anyway
i think those hair ads are particularily naughty
the baldies know in their heart of hearts theres no hope (yet!)
but they ,for a variety of reasons get sucked in
its cruel
and its misleading
so a pox on all their houses
i say
as i get older
what does it matter
we’re all worm fodder
beautiful ugly fat thin
its just so hard to believe it, isnt it?
you know youll die… logically thinking
but the thought refuses to take any real root
its a kind of necessary procrastination
the more attachments you have here
the harder it is to leave
thats why jesus said that thing about the rich man
getting into heaven..
look
i really dunno
go on
forget about all this
enjoy your sundae
love
me

47 Responses to “ran-dumb thorts of a harf deaf olde ninny(including long bits of vanity)”

  1. avatar
    davem | 2 December 2007 at 7:23 am #

    Morning Killer.
    I’m a baldy. Started losing it at 19 and eff all I could do.
    It used to bother me, but now? I’ve got a great wife, kids, home, friends, wonderful food to eat, good health. The Church to listen to. What have I got to moan about? I’m a slap head. I’m over it!!

  2. avatar
    it's snowing in my heart | 2 December 2007 at 7:24 am #

    there’s a song called “people are like suns” on the latest neil finn record that you should check out steve. i think you might like it and your words here today made me think to tell you this.

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 December 2007 at 7:24 am #

    ya look pretty good to me!…i live in neverland…nobody ever gets any older now…not that its noticable to me,anyway ;-)))) hee hee!…but if yer in the need of some hair???i have enough to cater for a….actually ;-(i dont think red curls is really YOU mr.Kilbey!!!….your “kilbey suit” is spot on..as is..!…a loovely night to you…love,as always,gen xxxxx

  4. avatar
    Celticat | 2 December 2007 at 7:27 am #

    Hi Steve,

    glad to hear you’re getting satisfaction from looking after yourself.

    Makes sense.

    Dec 22, bringing my daughter for her first crunch concert. She can’t wait either.

    Love
    Celticat

  5. avatar
    ummm | 2 December 2007 at 8:12 am #

    FYI male pattern baldness is inheirited via the mother’s gene, so Mick and is Dad wan’t have the same hair issues. Unless they had the same mother. yhew

  6. avatar
    persephone2u | 2 December 2007 at 8:22 am #

    Silverchair. They are the unutterable.

    I’m obsessed with hair too. Always have been. I think I would have to kill myself if anything ever happened to my hair, haha. But my husband has gorgeous naturally jet black wavy hair which I am utterly jealous of. Black, the only color my hair has never been. Bah.

    But on the subject of Mick and his head ‘o hair…supposedly baldness comes from the maternal side of the family. So just look at the mother’s line and see if anyone is bald on that side of the family and you’ll know your fate.

    Larry David…now there’s a man who’s balding and still retains his genius and humor.

    If anyone out there wants gorgeously lustrous hair, you only need two things: Davines Vegetarian Nourishing Miracle (a conditioner from Italy that is perfect for long /thick hair) and Kiehl’s Creme with Silk Groom which you leave in your hair all day and blow dry. Silk powders in your hair can never be bad. Considering the small fortune I’ve spent on hair care products through the years, I recommend these two things for those who are obsessed with hair.

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 December 2007 at 8:30 am #

    I know you think I’m “one-eyed” sk, but yes, you ARE ageing beautifully in mind, body and soul.
    Love Amanda

  8. avatar
    steve kilbey | 2 December 2007 at 8:37 am #

    wish i ‘ad your hair tho amanda

  9. avatar
    eek | 2 December 2007 at 9:05 am #

    I had a dog named Cricket once (named – not by me – after the bug not the game). Ok — that pretty much exhausts my knowledge of cricket.

    now at 53 i must admit my locks aint as thick as they once were
    but i dont think theres really much to be done (readers tips?)

    Here’s my tip — make sure you keep going to whoever cut your hair before this year’s European tour. Holy fuck you looked fantastic in all the photos I saw! (here’s some lovely photos from the Paradiso show for all those who want to take a look) I’ve always liked a little longer hair and was a bit worried when you noted you’d had it cut (wasn’t it for the play you did?), but when I saw some pics — wow what was a fabulous haircut! (The rest of you didn’t look half bad either. 😉 )

    And whatever you do NEVER go the comb-over route. NEVER. :shudder:

  10. avatar
    JONNY NOT YET SO HOLLYWOODISH | 2 December 2007 at 9:30 am #

    Hey Esskay…
    if I may ask, how long were you on heroine for and what finally made you quit, for me it was really weird, ‘a’ light bulb turned on in me head and said hey you, no more Hollywood, no more…
    Jonny

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 December 2007 at 9:51 am #

    Pound down some garlic with a mortar and pestle and make a tonic by mixing it with olive oil. Rub liberally through hair daily.

    That’ll fix you right up. You’ll never lose another strand.

    B.Bon

  12. avatar
    davem | 2 December 2007 at 9:59 am #

    B. Bon. Thanks. It’s a fucking miracle. I’ve tried it and have instantly developed a luscious mane and golden calves. Sadly though I’m now deaf as a post.

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 December 2007 at 10:20 am #

    hey B Bon…then ..if he went out in the sun??…he’d be “stouvlakilbia”!there ya go amanda!! ;-0 haha!…hee hee…x,gen x

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 December 2007 at 10:21 am #

    …yeah, davem and you smell like a continental deli…yum!!!
    went to the beach one day and there was an old fella with the comb-over thing happening…he went for a swim in the surf, dove under a wave, came back up and lo and behold, one side of his head had hair cascading over his shoulder and the other side was as bald as a badger…yeeeesh….
    love always
    -The Hellbound Heart

  15. avatar
    steve kilbey | 2 December 2007 at 10:45 am #

    b bon
    gee olive oil and garlic fixes everything
    my hairs thicker than ever
    my iq just gained ten points
    my whatnot just grew 7 more inches
    my teeth are white
    my wrinkles disappeared
    only trouble is…
    no one ll come near me
    oh ha ha ha oh

  16. avatar
    knot | 2 December 2007 at 11:29 am #

    keeps those pesky vampires away though…

  17. avatar
    Dinosaur Swamp | 2 December 2007 at 12:50 pm #

    garlic and olive oil man – certainly win a lot of arguments – everyone can’t wait to get away

  18. avatar
    cat's claw | 2 December 2007 at 12:51 pm #

    start of this one so grumpy that you definitely should go on grumpy old man show, you’d run rings around them

  19. avatar
    that was me | 2 December 2007 at 1:17 pm #

    No, no, no. Steve, I didn’t ask how it felt to be old and ugly after being so damn handsome! You’d talked about changes as you got older and I asked if you’d noticed any change in the way that women reacted to you. And stressed that I asked it as someone who had (and has) never been even remotely attractive to women. I was always ugly and skinny with a deeply repellant personality; then I topped it off nicely by going bald at 20 and groing copious amounts of body hair at 21 to compensate. Lovely. And in me 20s I often thought, “wot must it be like to be as good-looking as Steve Kilbey or Mick Ronson ?” Cos the very idea thought was so damn alien to my life! So when you talked about ageing and how your body had changed over the years, I figured I’d ask if and how the response from women had changed too. Not in a nasty way, but just cos it was something so far out of my experience that there was no other way I’d ever know. Hope it didn’t piss you off, Steve – NOT my intention, Killa.

  20. avatar
    Altres | 2 December 2007 at 1:18 pm #

    Us baldies accept there is no cure for male pattern baldness. I blame the amount of testosterone surging through my system. I love being bald, women like to touch my head. 😀

    Brian

  21. avatar
    shinehead | 2 December 2007 at 1:25 pm #

    It’s actually too much dehydrotestosterone. I’m bald. Totally shaved head. Makes me look like an upside-down lightbulb with an ugly face drawn on it. Women don’t want to touch any part of me. Who can blame em? How many men would touch a bearded woman?

  22. avatar
    SweatyWheels | 2 December 2007 at 1:27 pm #

    “Hair is your aerials, they pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly to the brain. This is the reason that bald men are uptight”.

    Damn, I did enjoy that blogge tho.

  23. avatar
    Altres | 2 December 2007 at 1:47 pm #

    Bearded lady? Sounds fine to me, gives you something to grip onto.

    Brian

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 December 2007 at 1:54 pm #

    and ‘er earrings fer stirrups

  25. avatar
    fantasticandy | 2 December 2007 at 3:10 pm #

    iv’e been absorbing rather than commenting the last few days.
    steve,
    i wonder if you realise just how profound some of your writing has been this week?
    ….almost without trying…or even without intent maybe?
    i dunno…but here’s an interesting thought,
    part of our uniqueness in this world, is our desire as individuals to make some kind of ‘mark’ or leave a lasting impression….is this because, above all other creatures on this planet, we are deeply aware of our own mortality?
    failing hearing, hair loss, refused ‘awards’?
    the signs are there.
    i wouldn’t accept the crummy ‘award’ either…given out on the basis of one big selling album, and more specifically..one song?….recorded a millon years ago?……what is the matter with those retards?…do they want to wallow in a brief moment of lame nostalgia?…
    ‘hey people, remember when these paisley-clad popsters topped our charts?…well cast your mind back to those good old days!’

    don’t do it.
    fuck ’em.
    your’e the main man in the best rock band this spinning ball of dirt has ever seen…NOW.
    and you know it.
    and there’s nothing wrong with that.
    it hasn’t made you pompous or pious.
    like playing second-fiddle to shite like amphlett’s band.
    it’s cool.
    you know.
    we know.
    and we salute you for it.

    the lack of recognition is criminal.
    your’e a trooper kilbey,
    the world will wake up when youv’e gone.
    ‘do you remember when we used to have great songwiters like steve kilbey?’
    ‘yeah…why haven’t we got anyone like that today?’
    you’ll make that ‘mark’ nevets…all by yourself.
    you don’t need some dick from ARIA to chalk it up for you.

    but if it looks good on the shelf?

    love to all,
    andy L.

    p.s.’candid bathroom camera hosted by chuck berry’ made me laugh out loud!…thanks for that.

  26. avatar
    andmoreagain | 2 December 2007 at 3:53 pm #

    Couldn’t have said it better meself Kilbster. Everytime I get the new phone book there’s an offensive (to me) ad for hair restoring potion. Pisses me off to say the least. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with being bald.

  27. avatar
    veleska1970 | 2 December 2007 at 4:25 pm #

    well, i don’t know about the baldness bit, but my own hair sure is grey. now if there could be a cure for that, i’d be very happy. 🙂

    lotza love…..

  28. avatar
    farornear | 2 December 2007 at 5:18 pm #

    contrary to instinct and illusion of virility and whatnot
    It was mentioned by a very pretty lady that bald men are more intelligent and more biologically evolved
    I dont know her source but it was
    said in earnest
    monks I believe shave their heads as a purification ritual/ closeness to Almighty stylization
    I hope that alleviates the mind

  29. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 2 December 2007 at 6:14 pm #

    I respectfully disagree with the venerable dude from Neptune. SK must accept the 2008 Aria Award. Paul McCartney was not inducted into the rock and roll Hall of fame until the late 1990’s. Steve can maybe invoke Grant at the event. Jack Frost was great(Better than the Finn Brothers).

    Diorama was a very good Silverchair CD. All the rest are trash. Young Modern sounded good on the first play but it got worse and by the third play I ceased listening to it. Peace, Love and Hope incorporated to every sentient being and commentor.

  30. avatar
    fantasticandy | 2 December 2007 at 7:13 pm #

    brien my friend,
    read my comment again……….
    the divynils thing?
    i meant that for the award too…
    if steve HAS too…….
    accept the WRONG award for the RIGHT reasons?….perhaps.
    good on yer bri!
    andy L.

  31. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 December 2007 at 7:48 pm #

    I think SK gets better looking with age, not uglier. How could anyone think he is losing his good looks?
    For what it’s worth… 🙂

  32. avatar
    steve kilbey | 2 December 2007 at 8:49 pm #

    i never mentioned that aria want us to play milkey whey and unguarded gnome-tent (the real version, they specifically asked for it…not el momento vers)
    you see theres no free fucking lunch
    its: good boys, play your proper songs
    the good ones, the hits, the ones from a million years ago then make a nice speech mr kill-bee
    thanking aria for this grate honour
    while the other 3 stand behind you smiling and nodding
    as you count off all the names of the wonderful people without whom…
    sir denniss pork-larde from avarice records
    etc etc
    then when youve been broken, tamed and done your two party tricks
    you get inducted into a non existent “hall”
    so people can recognize…um…
    that you had two hits a million years ago
    and that youre still happy to turn up anywhere
    even for free
    play your two million year old hits
    in return some board of bloated meaty red-wine
    swilling self congratulatory small-penised talentless (but rich)old buffoons
    all probably unable to even play mary had a little lamb
    on a piano (with numbered notes to show em)
    gits who couldnt write lyrics to save their paunches
    wallies who’ve never bumped a heavy amp up
    a flight of stairs at 4 in the morning
    couldnt sing the one note samba
    this crowd of overpaid oafs
    will give me a spot in their museum which isnt even there
    pat me on the head
    and say
    good boy!

    gee and then what…..?
    i’d be recognised for my contribution to oz pub rock?
    wow
    what a bargain……
    i’d rather circumcize myself with a blunt plectrum

  33. avatar
    the dean | 2 December 2007 at 9:06 pm #

    god gave 10% of men good looks, the rest he gave hair.

  34. avatar
    fantasticandy | 2 December 2007 at 9:20 pm #

    thanx killer!
    i think they really needed to know.
    youv’e never bastardised your art,
    that’s why i admire you so much.
    cheers mate,
    love andy L.

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 December 2007 at 9:37 pm #

    That’s right sk, why should you thank OTHERS for having written brilliant music for the past 30years, and to top it off they’d probably try to force you to thank Molly Meldrum as well, what a wank!
    Luv Princey

  36. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 2 December 2007 at 9:51 pm #

    I lose again ! If it matters Under The Milky Way and The Unguarded Moment happen to be really great songs. There is no doubt that The Church sarted to become the earth’s greatest band in 1992 commencing with Priest=Aura. Give me a break I’m an American and we like awards. When I graduated from the
    8th grade I was awarded a trophy titled “most likely to masturbate”. The rest is history.

  37. avatar
    Altres | 2 December 2007 at 10:01 pm #

    Careful with that plectrum you Genie.

  38. avatar
    Owl | 2 December 2007 at 10:04 pm #

    Precisely Mr Steven, don’t do that silly non existent aria hall thingy….ozy pub rock ..aarrgghh, it make my feathers curl..
    I’ve placed all the remains, all the memories of ozy pub rock in a box in the dead tree down at the bottom of the hollow , …hoping for a strike of lightening soon.

  39. avatar
    Jenn | 2 December 2007 at 10:26 pm #

    I remember a few years ago I saw on telly these bald pommie geezers
    who swore the new fuzz on their scalps was due to letting a cow lick their shiny head,but I guess thats not feasible ;o)
    Hy pathetically speaking if you were to do the ARIA trip which songs would YOU choose to perform Steve?
    Jenn

  40. avatar
    mattdavison | 3 December 2007 at 12:01 am #

    SK my friend.. silvacheer are lemons, the are just bollocks ia agree!! they hav a noise type song thing at the moment wif a crappy video that sounds so disjointed that they seem like babies with rattles and teathing issues.. Yucko Yuko, I canne bare them……

    Anyway like I said No hall of fame!! one thing I know is that they arn’t owed anything from the Crunch, it might be small detail but the industry can’t come back after all these years and go OH THE CRUUNCH, yeah they were pritty good.. UTMW way a little aussie classic lets ge em on board.. shit, Aus has created some really crap bands in the last ten years… Yeah they were really quite good those two albys they did back in 84
    B O L L O C K S!!!tO THAT!

    oN OTHER NOTES..

    i sense an element of relaxed decorum from you at the mom

    It’s hard not to sabotage yrself with more thoughts of attainment and what if’s and morality..

    Chill and love the exciting stuff that will be coming up soon.

    Painkiller is gonna blow em away
    Nevets Yeblik the movie “oneday”
    the book
    the art
    new alby
    the tour.. even if it’s wiff a lesser musical and melodious bunch

    put on ya maori pendent and stop worring about dumb things like hair
    Which by the way, is dead stuff..

    and stop loitering in meaningless thought..

    lv

    Mattdavison

  41. avatar
    mattdavison | 3 December 2007 at 12:08 am #

    old bean)

    btw.. how can ya hate cricket, its one of the last relaxing intellegent games left.. It’s the music of sport..

    Footy is the Doof Doof of sport
    cricket is the mellifluous song that calms and slightly grooves you.

    Matt D

  42. avatar
    veleska1970 | 3 December 2007 at 12:09 am #

    eh….never thought of it that way, steve.

    i retract what i said a few days ago about the award.

    good on ya~~continue to stand up for what you believe in and don’t ever compromise.

    lotza love….

  43. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 December 2007 at 12:29 am #

    Taking fish oil capsules everday makes the hair shiny (not cod liver too toxic). Brewers yeast supposed to be good.

    Silverchair’s Diorama one of my favourite albums. The new film clip where they in marching band makes me cringe, am sure that bass player is terribly uncomfortable and feeling compromised.

    Linda

  44. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 December 2007 at 1:29 am #

    What’s the matter, Kilbey? Doncha like money or something?

  45. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 December 2007 at 1:42 am #

    Steve is your ego compromised to play as “special guests” for the Dyvinals. You dont like anything silverchair has done so I suppose it is good you have an ear infection so you wont hear ‘science fiction’ or ‘boys in town’ for the ten millionth time eewwk!

    Are your sychophantic blog wafflers Dyvinal fans?

    Linda
    ps men age better than women, they look sexier with wrinkles, as long as the body is lean

  46. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 December 2007 at 2:29 am #

    Steve, what can you do, at least you had a full head of hair well into your forties. I’m too young to worry about balding, and if my family’s any indication, I’ll die with a mop on my head. Anyway, you’re far from bald. Your hair’s just baby fine that’s all. Stuff it all – you look great, and you have your health, which is way more important.

    The award thingy, you should accept it. You will achieve very little if you decline, and I think regret it later on.

    Love
    MungoPushul x

  47. avatar
    Daberhasher | 3 December 2007 at 2:48 am #

    well sun dappled one, i’d second the fish oil thing for a thick and shiny coat… omega-3’s and all that…
    but would fish oil fit into the vegan thing??? ah, just put it in the honey, bunny… it is a bit funny, no vegan i’ve ever known would eat honey, but they also almost always had hair like straw, from no fatty acids i reckon… me, i wash my hair exclusively with pure coconut milk and patchouli…
    i call it “Hippy on the Beach”,
    and the lasses are all ga-reen
    with envy…

    aloha,
    fabio


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