posted on July 29, 2010 at 5:18 pm

unto my wavelength

a  flat day in 2D

the debris in alleys

the sick cats the old dogs

bits of paper bits of rope

i move along under a grey urban sky

tired and careworn

hoping for something good

hoping for something nice

now drugs are out of the equation

no sudden infusion of enthusiasm

i stuck with myself

i stuck here in this head

aerials antennae boston ferns rusty wheels broken bottles

stones rocks sticks weeds ever my kingdom of busted stuff

chasing fame running from blame

drink a coffee which amps up my metaphysical torpor

things gone wrong

just wanna walk away

just wanna run away

jump in that falcon n cruise for a million miles

leave kilbey behind somewhere in a b+b place

kilbey who said this n did that

kilbey with his sore throat and cold feet

it starts to rain again

you can hear it over the acoustic guitar overdubs

you can hear it over the starlings mournful call

you can hear it over the sad bewildered kids

you can hear it over the wind in the empty vodka bottles

you can hear it over the lines and the wires

somewhere is life

life somewhere else

somewhere my friends in the sun talkin’ about me

somewhere the to n fro of summer in sweden

the deep cold lakes

the choking reeds

elli n minna in the country

karin in the kitchen making cloudberry cordial

her blonde hair imperceptibly turning to grey

her swedish skin turning so brown in that gentle sun

the huge mosquitoes find a way into the guest house

the slow worms in the grass slither soundlessly

night never arrives only a brief twilight

i long to escape this electro-radiation hell

the roar of impatient traffic

the twitch of the lights

the consumers n their consumption

the shops n all their junk …where does it all come from…?

dont park

dont stop

no standing

no loitering no littering (yeah sure !)

no news is good news

no hope no point beyond this alcohol

no passing

no dice

we must accept these heavy hopeless days

we must struggle on thru this obstacle course

we must endure brickbats n bouquets

we must learn to take the good with the bad

perspective, please

i am alive

i am not in jail or hospital

i am not a slave

i am a stranger tho’

stranger in my own skin

this is a poem not a complaint

i locate n cement my melancholia

i remain in the feeling

i think of a million things

who am i?

who am i frinstance

if you cut off my ego and my personalities….what is left…?

if you take away the music and the freckles n the wispy  hair

if you take away the harsh tongue and the grey blue eyes

if you take away the past if you take away my imagination

where is me?

who really knows me n not just an idea we /i concocted….?

i been in show biz long enough to know its all just a performance

singing dancing sleeping fucking getting old

all an act

pull on my face from the ancient gallery

“its showtime!”

manipulation of fields of data

combining n recombining possibilities

working your seam

mining your mind

everything reacts accordingly

people say they love ya

people say they hate ya

billy at pool says

“steve only one person you can trust is yer mother…but yer father cant….”

spend my day sorting thru bits of sage advice

spend my day like money n then its gone

coffee wakes me up but gives me the jitters

i eat a tasty little strawberry cake n it makes me feel a bit sick

everything makes me sick

life love food drink going on stage

my skin is so thin

beneath the surface viscera carries electrical chemical messages

organs i dont even know i have pump n squeeze n bulge and contract

my head feverish my feet cold

my vestige of a tail aches

my muscles my tendons my bones full of marrow

i want to examine everything

i want to take it all apart see how far it can be taken

i want to write a million words that will not make sense until i’m dead

i want to rail against the senselessness

i want rage against the impotence of humanity

humanity needs some cosmic viagra to finally get it up

is this the best we could come up with…..?!

my laptop burns my thighs

my thoughts bore my brain

try getting a real job like working in a shoe shop

try getting a real job like selling insurance

try getting a real job like sitting in a cubicle moseying thru facebook when boss aint looking

try getting a real job like singing in a rocknroll band

or being an undertaker or a bankrobber or gravedigger

or a tinker tailor soldier sailor

silk satin cotton rag

my intelligence has imploded

it spits random facts dates numbers axioms aphorisms

i enter a place called discontent

all the connections have gone haywire

all the wrong voices speaking to each other

the drums are playing the piano

the painter is delivering the baby

the poet is working out my tax brakes

the lyricist is talking to the coppers

the young boy  in an old mans pants

the woman is interpenetrating the man

the past is remembering the future

the crooked is impinging on the straight

the child is minding the father

its all mixed up

i see sounds

the abstract in the concrete

a battle hymn for a new republic

the wearer of the serpent diadem who tramples down the westerners

the islands the dominions that lay at the edges of the known worlds

the visitors among us

the underlings the overseers

the computer starts to type on its  own

it spews out its own rant

vomiting out weather n sport n recent google n tits n ass n text edit n skypes with unclean spirits

i must stop now

i must let it all go

66 Responses to “rant 666—”

  1. avatar
    DavidP | 29 July 2010 at 6:16 pm #

    some very good questions there to ponder and investigate
    practice to question, verify with experience
    are we all just spirits having a physical experience
    do we all come from the same source
    why do some ask the big questions and seek to find
    whilst others run away and hide from it all
    who are we when all that temporary stuff is stripped away
    we get glimpses when we are still, calm, centred and aware
    its worth more than the whole world
    they say it starts out as just a small seed but from it a huge tree can grow
    if its given the right soil and water and sunlight
    if we sacrifice the lead of the egos for the gold of the spirit
    if we can pass through the eye of a needle
    if our hearts can be unburdened and weigh lighter than a feather
    the kingdom of heaven is within us they say, if we can become more child-like
    happy are children as they are not so burdened with egos
    if we can make life our masterpiece and a masterpiece out of our life
    to Be or not to Be
    the inner war
    to rescue consciousness
    to extract the light from the darkness

    • avatar
      Donna | 30 July 2010 at 1:11 pm #

      David P – Your words are beautiful. I recognize the lovely parables from the Lord. A call to humility and the life-long challenge to throw off “the world”, renounce “self” and defeat “the enemy”. Thanks!

    • avatar
      DavidP | 31 July 2010 at 10:53 am #

      looking at the background image of this site I see:
      the Fool wanders and wonders through the universe looking for the Higher Self subject to the Wheel of Life watched on by the Gods and paisley amoebas…

  2. avatar
    eekie | 29 July 2010 at 6:46 pm #

    “just wanna walk away
    just wanna run away
    jump in that falcon n cruise for a million miles
    leave kilbey behind somewhere in a b+b place”

    I feel that so strongly sometimes. Just want to leave and never, ever look back. But as you’ve already figured out, the rub is in leaving yourself behind. Or rather, NOT being able to leave yourself behind, no matter how much you want to. Sigh.

    Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed by all the questions and problems swirling in my mind I realise it could be worse. My struggle for mere survival/existence could be so intense that it would occupy my entire being. Now THAT would really fucking suck!

    (ever think of doing a video of Billy at the pool? He could give us all advice for every occasion — it’d be great!)

    • avatar
      DavidP | 29 July 2010 at 8:35 pm #

      hi eekie, they don’t allow cameras in the changes rooms or the sauna (just as well!), ah, but maybe the cafe area on the deck would be ok. Haven’t made it to the pool lately sk as you would’ve noticed. Been away and been too busy.

      • avatar
        eekie | 29 July 2010 at 10:53 pm #

        No, no, no — I wasn’t trying to cop a look at Billy’s bits. I was thinking of Billy at the pool more as a name than anything…I probably should have done the Billy-at-the-pool thing to be more clear, but I was in a hurry didn’t think of it. He could be filmed anywhere (and be fully dressed, too! 😉 ).

        • avatar
          nylon burning | 31 July 2010 at 3:29 am #

          it would have to be sk as billy though

        • avatar
          eekie | 31 July 2010 at 3:29 pm #

          umm…on second thought, I think Billy’s “sage advice” should stay in the sauna. There’s more than a slight undercurrent of misogyny and I don’t really think it’s a good idea to go there.

          So scratch my the Billy-from-the-pool video suggestion….

  3. avatar
    Alice | 29 July 2010 at 7:39 pm #

    Wow. When I was younger and naive, I used to really envy people who could do what you do. But as I read this rant/poem, I found myself really hoping that you were being more poetic and dramatic than honest. Because if you were truly feeling all those things as you wrote, all that venom, all at one time…well, then (and forgive me if this sounds cruel) you’re a mess. I hope that you were just having “day” and that this rant helped to get it out of your system. Take care and may peace find you and kick in your door.

  4. avatar
    Freddie | 29 July 2010 at 7:51 pm #

    I can easily sum it all up in four simple words. I love you Steve! xoxo :))

    Heaps of love from Georgia.

    • avatar
      Freddie | 29 July 2010 at 11:49 pm #

      That’s cute as the dickens but I didn’t say it!
      Hahaha…

      • avatar
        Freddie | 30 July 2010 at 7:49 am #

        OK OK, busted. No more margaritas for me. 🙂 But my husband reads this blog so I need to be careful. xxoo :))

  5. avatar
    Jasperina | 29 July 2010 at 8:37 pm #

    Only through reading your blog and also through painting am I able to transcend. You are a seer and soothsayer. Like magical flights on the wings of eagles, your words, simply put, enable me to be a better human being and member of our global society. May Jehovah follow you throughout your days and shine on you like the shimmering moonlight from above.

  6. avatar
    hellbound heart | 29 July 2010 at 8:39 pm #

    ….now is the winter of my discontent…..

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 July 2010 at 8:43 pm #

    Now that’s an impressive blog. One of your best in a long time, I think. I’m amazed at how many different aspects of life you manage to incorporate in a blog like this.

    “steve only one person you can trust is yer mother…but yer father cant….”

    He might very well be right. As scary as that thought is to hopeless romantics like me.

  8. avatar
    Davem | 29 July 2010 at 8:45 pm #

    cheery thoughts mate, chin up. Please know that some of us are out here feeling your pain and love you unconditionally. Really enjoying the boxed set.

  9. avatar
    Richard | 29 July 2010 at 9:22 pm #

    “the sick cats the old dogs”

    my old dog Bess is just back from a $1200 two night stay at the vets

    she’s just flumped down on the floor beside my desk

    I don’t think she’s going to be with us much longer

    but she still looks up at me with the same happy/expectant/dopey expression she had when we brought her home from the pound as a 5 year old

    I’ve always loved that corny affirmation “Be the person your dog thinks you are”

  10. avatar
    princey | 29 July 2010 at 9:35 pm #

    Sweden is calling, sounds like u need to get back there ‘n’ chilllllll 🙂

  11. avatar
    Wilfred Paradise | 29 July 2010 at 10:06 pm #

    SK:

    Your perspective, is it all wrong?

    Sit down beneath your bodhi tree. Smooth out your karma. The last 30 years of your life are the most important (will you live to 87?). Don’t you want to come back as the pretty dolphin in the deep blue sea? Turn your life, and how you live it, into a positive energy. Get as dark and creepy w/ your music as it may suit your moods, but your life, and how you live it, turn it into positive energy.

    If you were born once, is it such a stretch to think that you will be born twice?

    You’re old body w/ its thin skin is just a vessel.

    And everything out there is really in 4D, my man, so open up those grey eyes.

    Wilfred Paradise

    • avatar
      Anonymous Bosch | 30 July 2010 at 4:22 pm #

      Wilfred, my man, everything out there is really in 5D, so open up >your< eyes.

      Cheers

  12. avatar
    ethereal butterfly | 29 July 2010 at 10:21 pm #

    Only through our pain do we grow.

  13. avatar
    DJK082067 | 29 July 2010 at 10:50 pm #

    that was pretty bleak. more often than ever before, u seem drained and full of discontent. i know there are days, quite a few sometimes, that feel hopeless-we just need to keep searching for that perfect day. the one that u wish would never end. it seems like a long journey-and we may have had that day come and pass already, but it is our best interest to keep searching…with determination…to find that perfect day. otherwise the hopeless,helpless days will take over and we can become trapped in melancholy…forever.

    As always,
    BrokenToysAndHeros

  14. avatar
    mark griffith | 29 July 2010 at 10:56 pm #

    that was pretty heavy for an early morning read, but i felt it and related…probably too much.
    take care
    griffo

  15. avatar
    DJK082067 | 29 July 2010 at 10:57 pm #

    Sk-

    This site is incredible, yet it feels as if it is missing its primary purpose-to SELL STUFF. why would u create an all inclusive website and not have a “store” icon so u can offer up art,music,prints,t-shirts and such to ur fans for purchase. and hell-take a minute and autograph some relics and mark to premium prices. financial income is the sole purpose, beyond communicating with ur loving universe, that a site such as this would be created. inventory ur backlog and SELL SELL SELL…with ur wide range of media, this can be very lucrative.

    just a thought.

    As Always,
    BrokenToysAndHeros

    • avatar
      holly | 30 July 2010 at 1:41 pm #

      Just hang on a little bit…ttb.com is still a work in progress. There is still more to come. However, you can buy prints, cards, and even original paintings right now, from this site. 🙂 In the gallery section (art), just click on the image you are interested in (this should bring up an enlarged image) and then scroll down to the bottom where their should be more info including Add to Cart buttons for prints and cards. If you have any questions about the art, just go to the contact page and send me a message (Art). 🙂

      • avatar
        DJK082067 | 30 July 2010 at 10:47 pm #

        Holly,
        Thanks for the info. I hope u have a great weekend. If u played a part in the creation of SK’s website, u have done a fantastic job.

        As always,
        BrokenToysAndHeros
        Darrin K. from Chicago

  16. avatar
    richard mckinney | 29 July 2010 at 11:09 pm #

    jeez steve. we wish you luck from appalachia.
    stick with the yoga, it’s done right by you sir

  17. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 29 July 2010 at 11:17 pm #

    How the hell did my comment at 8:43 pm end up as being from someone anonymous? 🙂
    Oh, well. Still – I loved today’s blog.

  18. avatar
    Name | 30 July 2010 at 12:35 am #

    Pretty poem.

    church-hopping. being of faith but not to one institution, going to varying faiths’ services (and sitting quietly in the back) is kinda cool. Favorites: Catholic, Russian Orthodox, and Korean Baptist…but there are so many (!!!) none asks you to join; they just let you be part of and smile for you (and some have beautiful alters). Regardless, many similarities. Makes your mind swirl really high with after thoughts in light.

  19. avatar
    Name | 30 July 2010 at 12:53 am #

    all have their imperfections and you smile back

  20. avatar
    evilren | 30 July 2010 at 2:18 am #

    I liked this, there is so much zeitgeist, I really feel this. There must be a universal plane where
    like-minded people come together. Forget what people say about so called ‘jobs,’ you don’t
    want one trust me. I agree with DavidP when he states “why do some ask the biq questions
    and others run away.” Your last line about the computer vomiting weather, google, text edit
    and skype pretty much did me in, I’ve got to go do something now. Have a productive day Steve
    and I will see you on that other plane.

    ren

  21. avatar
    cazziem | 30 July 2010 at 4:28 am #

    I life we are all guilty at one time or another of doing what is expect of us rather than what we want to do. Our time on this planet is to short can we really afford the luxury of continuously doing this without being resentful? I think not and whilst we should be mindful of other’s feelings, we all need to do what make us happy whenever we get the chance!

  22. avatar
    Tanya | 30 July 2010 at 4:54 am #

    Amen…

  23. avatar
    Cee Pop | 30 July 2010 at 6:08 am #

    if you cut off my ego and my personalities….what is left…?
    Si me cortas mi ego y mis personalidades…que es lo que queda…?

    “steve only one person you can trust is yer mother…but yer father cant….”
    Esteban, la unica persona que puedes confiar es en tu madre…pero tu padre no lo puede hacer.”

  24. avatar
    Cee Pop | 30 July 2010 at 6:27 am #

    Oh, and an ex-friend of mine used to say (regarding shit that disrupts your life) “you can do 1 of 3 things: accept “it”, change “it” or walk away from “it”.
    She walked away from “it”.

  25. avatar
    Jasperina | 30 July 2010 at 9:25 am #

    I didn’t post but someone posted as me. Steve are we able to post with our photo image so you know who it really is?

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 30 July 2010 at 1:04 pm #

      i dont know i’ll ask j cole

      • avatar
        jcole | 30 July 2010 at 1:20 pm #

        Yes, I can turn avatars on. I’ll start working on that. If anyone else is having any issues with comments or with the site, please send me a message using the ‘Webmaster’ recipient on the contact form so I can sort it out.

        • avatar
          Jasperina | 30 July 2010 at 1:28 pm #

          Wow! That was a quick response. Many thanks. I put alot of time into my posts and want to be sure Steve knows its the real me.

          • avatar
            DavidP | 30 July 2010 at 10:39 pm #

            Hi web techies!
            When I submit a message using the contact form I get the following message after I submit it:

            Errors!
            No verification code generated

            So not sure if the contact form is working or not?

            regards
            DP

          • avatar
            jcole | 30 July 2010 at 11:23 pm #

            Ok, I think I’ve got the avatars functionality up and running now. Please send a message to ‘Webmaster’ if anyone has any trouble uploading their avatar. The display size is currently set to 48px x 48px, however I can increase it if people think it would work better.

            Also, for those of you having identity theft issues here, please send me a note with all details and I will see what can be done. I think everyone creating their own member account here and using that for commenting would be a good start.

          • avatar
            Freddie | 31 July 2010 at 1:53 am #

            Testing Avatar. Do you think this will work? I think it will as long as nobody can steal our Avatars.

          • avatar
            jcole | 31 July 2010 at 5:30 am #

            I’ve just finished adding some extra security measures to prevent imposers (I mean impostors) from posting as you. The key is to register and use your own login when posting comments and the software will do the rest. Let me know if anyone runs into any other issues.

          • avatar
            Freddie | 31 July 2010 at 8:41 am #

            Thanks Jcole! You the Man!! :^)

  26. avatar
    Donna | 30 July 2010 at 2:15 pm #

    Hey, Steve! You have been working so hard to make major changes in your life – I’m really proud of you! Always keep in mind that we have our highs and lows, ups and downs, etc. No one said it’d be easy. Keep doing those things that are good for you! Continue getting rid of those things (thoughts, people, places, etc.) that bring you down. Each day we shape our lives based on the choices we make – even when that day seems lousy, boring, flat, meaningless. Try to focus your attention on others – you’ll bless them and you won’t have any regrets. I hope you have a great day!

  27. avatar
    Steven | 30 July 2010 at 2:56 pm #

    Wish I knew what you were looking for.

    OK, sorry! That was lame. I hope you’re experiencing good times again soon.

  28. avatar
    davem | 30 July 2010 at 3:57 pm #

    Thinking of you sk. And hello to that other Davem, the one with the capital D.

  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 July 2010 at 6:44 pm #

    Yes I can understand how you must be so sick and tired of yourself. You are very trying, even from afar.
    Why don’t you just spit it out, lance it like a big old boil and let it heal.
    You know we are all dying to know what she did…

  30. avatar
    edd | 30 July 2010 at 7:25 pm #

    in my opinion after all is said and done you gotta be happy with what ya got….Whatta ya got?

  31. avatar
    mw | 30 July 2010 at 8:10 pm #

    hope you are drinking your elixir from the font of tranquility

    x

  32. avatar
    Brian | 30 July 2010 at 9:32 pm #

    I’m looking out on a clouded but blue dappled sky. The Scottish sun is bled dry of power, even at the height of this, our summer. But I feel home and I feel love. Cue Donna Summer.

    Steve, some great focusing questions and difficult situations you have written today, if I was closer I’d come round and go for a walk and a talk. Here I can only give an indication of another friendly ight along the dark horizon of this virtual landscape. All the best. Pict-o-gram

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 July 2010 at 9:35 pm #

    well…. Ive only been checking out your posts for a few weeks I loved the church as a 19 year old back in 1983 many many moons ago so whom am I to reply but I am … I was told once Im too intense and too sensitive and Im observant . I ponder I ruminate I get depressed lots of people do. I guess its when to know to turn off the ponderator and chill out. I dont express myself as eloquently as you do and i probably dont even spell eloquently the right way but jesus that person that said I was intense needs to read your blogs should send the link. keep it up love it. woops I forgot my commas.

  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 July 2010 at 9:40 pm #

    did that go through the looking glass?

  35. Jmb066
    Jmb066 | 30 July 2010 at 11:41 pm #

    Steve,

    You have a real job and do very well at it. The hardest job sometimes is being a good spouse, rasing your children, paying the damn bills and try to smile at the end of it all. As a creative artist you are unique and creative, simply the best and you do not have to prove yourself to anyone. Focus on the personal side and use your energy to become the very best at those jobs. My real job sucks and I do not wish that upon anyone. My wife and kids well that (job) not really a job but I do have to work on it is more rewarding and why I put up with so much other stuff/sht. It musr be difficult to hear so many different opinions, but you know what they say about opinions. I dont know if you ever go to the Hotel Womb and read the post but the new site started a little bit of interesting debate there about your new site. After reading some of that I can see where some of this woulb very tiring and is another job in it self. I must say you handle it very well and deserve a rant just like the rest of us. If you cut off your ego, I think you are a sensitive human being that has hopes and fears like the rest of us. You cant go back and do it again, so make the best of what you have learned so far and move forward. I hope you were able to get in touch with your older daughters, it seeems like you miss them much.

    Hang in there,

    Jason

  36. avatar
    Karen | 31 July 2010 at 12:50 am #

    Intense the ponderator is out of control

  37. avatar
    Ellen | 31 July 2010 at 2:42 am #

    I sense perhaps not all is well on the homestead? I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: I really admire your incredible artistic and musical talent and appreciate that you share them with your fans in your inimitable way.

    Sending you lots of hugs.

  38. avatar
    nylon burning | 31 July 2010 at 3:26 am #

    your saying more about it by not saying anything about it… whats troubling you my friend

  39. avatar
    Andreas | 31 July 2010 at 6:40 am #

    Hi SK,
    it happens to me also to sometimes wonder about the meaning of it all… it gets bleak at times… but perhaps it’s just some winter time thoughts… anyway this rings a bell for me, I have similar feelings at times.
    Take care,
    Andreas
    Genoa/Italy

  40. avatar
    innerspacepilot | 31 July 2010 at 7:42 am #

    Yeah, letting it all go is the only option really, but WHO is letting it all go?
    That`s the million dollar question, isn`t it? Meanwhile the world keeps spinning around in deep space.

  41. avatar
    Freddie | 31 July 2010 at 10:56 am #

    “steve only one person you can trust is yer mother…but yer father cant….”

    Billy sounds wise but he’s going by his own experience. Mama had 10 sisters and every one of them loved their man until the very end. Mom and Dad are in their late 70s now and will soon celebrate their 60th annaversary.

    The person you choose to marry is supposed to stay with you after the kids have married off and left and got families of their own. The kids won’t have much time for you anymore after that. But your wife, well that person should be your primary solace, the one you love with, laugh with, cry with and grow old with. Your spouse should be the most imprortant person in your life.

    When was the last time you went out on a date with you wife? Done something fun with no kids. As John Lennon sang in “Like Starting Over” keep it fresh like when you first met. I know that every relationship is different and some are more difficult than others and a few just simply don’t work but in most cases I think they can work if people just stop serching the horizon and start looking at whats right in front of em!

    Billy is wrong about this one. I know he is!

  42. avatar
    Anonymous | 31 July 2010 at 2:01 pm #

    I thought you might turn over a new leaf with this site. Alas it is the same old whine, just more of it. You are fucking it up again. How many new starts do you need…

  43. avatar
    txrok | 31 July 2010 at 4:46 pm #

    Well, I learned ‘this’, and have found it to be OH SO TRUE …..

    “Trust the mirror”.

    And God.

    Those really are the only 2 things I am sure of anymore.

  44. avatar
    Anonymous | 31 July 2010 at 7:02 pm #

    Cheer up dear old bean.Sometimes too much navel gazing can be a bad thing. Although thoroughly generous with your creative works you perhaps could be more giving of spirit. When you feel empty why not give. You can volunteer time at any number of organizations and share your knowledge, wit, wisdom, and perhaps find some empathy for all some of those you have written off as lesser beings.
    It sounds like you have a hole in your heart that wont go way.
    Time is short, act now.

  45. avatar
    lilya | 31 July 2010 at 7:04 pm #

    The trouble with driving away is that the problems still remain. I know, i tried it once. The break can be good for your head though, if its possible. Maybe a visit to the Captain is in order?


Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.