posted on February 7, 2006 at 11:53 pm

i am oscillating between
incredulity and apathy
this world is spinning
and its got me spinning
on my axis
(of evil)
attracted by one pole
repulsed by the other
i go round
strangled by desires that proliferate
in the darkness of (this) mans mind
like that little gadget joycies got
one black side
one white side
put it in the sun and it
goes round
i am drinking a bottle of water
its called oxygenizer
it claims to reoxygenise ya
i oscillate between believing this
followed by disdain for my own naivety
that i would believe that codswallop
followed by belief again
etc etc
then i realise im revolving on thousands of these axes
(is that the plural of axis?)
non belief
i meet a guy on the street
offers me a part in a film
hes got an accent and a card with his name
and a camera
who will i be playing i ask
ha ha ha the film man
and the guy who introduced us laugh
youll find out man…
cant tell you here….
ha ha
youre perfect for this role…
see ya tomorrow…i;ll tell ya then
so im oscillating wildly now
all over the place
you see this principle, folks?
its a wonder i get anything done
such is the whirlpool of my mind
i saw a show on oj simpson
he did it
he got off
just like gw rigged the election
down in florydah
cmon you think theres a shred o doubt?
its like bobby dylan says
steal a little and they throw you in jail
steal a lot and they make ya a king

dont underestimate the power of audacity
my daughter evies got it in spades
she believes she can do anything she wants
so she does
this has enormous pluses and minuses
for her
and everybody else
she could walk when she was 7 months old
aurora her twin who has very little audacity
didnt walk till nearly 4 months later
so audacity is an inherent quality
you can turn it to goode
(i will climb yonder mountain)
or to badde
(sod democracy, i was born to rule)
i realise now that although not as supercharged with audacity
as evie
i must have a bit myself
a stubborn belief
when you hit a wall
its the walls fault
in the early days of the chruch
i was audaciously rude
to radio types
fat record execs with bentleys and botox flesh mistress
anyone in a suit or tie
the other guys in the group
small children
and several breeds of dogs
i didnae wanna be rude per se
i just thought it was something young geniuses did
talking of journalists
there was an english guy
he wrote for nme or somethin’
i think he may still even be around
his name was mat snow
mat snow
what a great name
i sure wish i was called mat snow
instead of stevie k
any how
he always give us Badde reviews
comparing us unfavourably always with rem
so i really in awe of this dude
i imagine hes like nick kent
legendary 70s writer with rockstar looks
and connexions
so imagine in 1984
i in london
i get to do interview with mat snow
i very nervous to meet this groover
who has ridiculed my records
and fucked my chances in olde blighty
i and gurlie from carrere records in pub
i imagining guys gonna come in
cross between keef richards and paul simenon
gurlie from carrere goes
oh hi mat
this is steve
i look up to meet my critic
a short bald fat little bastard
who scoffed down eggs and sausages and bake beans
and got it all over his shirt and tie
and was really excited by the fact
that he could ‘ave as many bevvies
as ‘e liked
in person he wasnt up for much of an argument either
when i aimed my outraged ascerbic egos tongue
at his greasy little self
so mat ah tell me again why seance is so fucking awful
but he was too busy wiv ‘is sausages and beer to ansa

is he still around, boydie?
i dunno why im venting my spleen on that dude
imagine wot he fuckin’ well looks like now
he looked and acted like 50 when he was 25
but what really pissed me off was that
it was always him that reviewd our records
year after year
same as steve suvverland
another pommy git
and a personal coward when i challenged him
manne to worm
to an argument
as to why everything we had ever done was 2nd rate
and the cat had his tongue
but alone with his typewriter
he was the adjectival king
aint he still around too, boydie?
those 2 guys
(well doublehandedly actually
prevented me from being a english sooper starr
so fuck em

i love ya

53 Responses to “wednesday morning 3 am”

  1. avatar
    OTTOMT | 8 February 2006 at 12:48 am #

    Was it our kind/sincere/brilliant reviews in From Ears and Mouth that won your over?
    Once a FEAM writer
    Now an OTTOMT producer

  2. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 8 February 2006 at 12:49 am #

    Soy la misma.

    No te sorprende, verdad?

  3. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 8 February 2006 at 1:10 am #

    I don’t think those music critics really understand what “music” is.
    Music and Lyrics comes from the beyond within ourselves. It is an emotion that breaks free from our hearts to spread “love” around the world. You are definetely a worldwide superstar and we are going to make those frickin’ critics “eat their words” and “kiss your feet” (haha)

    ps. these days are going to be the longest days of my life. (thanks)

  4. avatar
    baby | 8 February 2006 at 1:28 am #

    i love ya 2
    ya made me laugh.

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 1:42 am #

    I once heard it said, :I have no time for someone whoe only contribution to the arts is their opinion. Or something like that…

  6. avatar
    Daberhasher | 8 February 2006 at 1:52 am #

    …in this corner, wearing the hemp T. Rex trunks, Nature Boy DJ Steeeee Veeeeee Kaaaaaayyyyyy!!!

    taking on both Matsnow the Sausage Slayer AND Suvvy the Adjectival King!!!!

    bloody hell!!! SK knocks ’em both on their axis with a resonating A string slur!!! it’s all over, people…

    Bohemia wins!!!
    Bohemia wins!!!
    Bohemia wins!!!

    nice toxin flush today…


  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 1:53 am #

    Beyond within – I don’t think it’s reasonable to treat music critics as if they are a monolith sharing the same brain.

    I’ve only done it for student papers and it was a long ime ago, but when you put an opinion on the record, you leave yourself open to the slings and arrows of many (or maybe only a few, depending on your readership).

    Anyways, in order to deal with all that you do develop a bit of an ego around your opinions in order to protect yourself. Perhaps in exactly the same way a musician does????

    Having also worked on the PR side of the fence, we spend a lot of time kissing arse, and the people whose arses we kiss might sometimes get confused and think we are genuine. Of course we are : )

    All that aside, I was once treated to a hilarious story about SK’s reaction when he first met Christie Eliezer. Probably not safe for him to share that one.

    Metal Petal.

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 2:04 am #

    Sensational Blogg Today


  9. avatar
    LittleSecret | 8 February 2006 at 2:07 am #

    You are truly amazing.

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 2:20 am #

    metalpetal – did he think Christie was a girl? 🙂 I know he’s a big admirer of SK in any case.

  11. avatar
    sukiyaki | 8 February 2006 at 2:23 am #

    Sk sometimes in the past you may have been your own worst enemy, but really, would you ever change a thing?

  12. avatar
    krissythegroupie | 8 February 2006 at 2:26 am #

    Wow. Where is the line between confidence and bullshit? I never know. But seriously, yeah… fuck em. And btw..pommy git? Is that one of the breeds of dogs you were rude to? : P

  13. avatar
    isolde | 8 February 2006 at 2:32 am #

    bit of tangent … read Hermine Demoriane on Nick Kent of NME and music/film/performance art scene in early 70s London in her diary The Tightrope Walker he starts on page 135 in 1974 she a crazy beautiful French funambulist with a taste for rock gods, rock writers and lots audacity was in film Jubilee 1977

  14. avatar
    mike | 8 February 2006 at 3:02 am #

    I’m trying to imagine the fat reviewer eating the eggs, sausages, and baked beans!!

    Strange how we live in a world of opposites!

  15. avatar
    Brad | 8 February 2006 at 3:37 am #

    You used to be unknown, now you’re mapped and explored. But you’re still beautiful, nobody can take that…


  16. avatar
    fergal | 8 February 2006 at 3:38 am #

    fire & ice
    black & white
    yin & yang
    mania & depression
    up & down
    hot & cold
    north & south
    east & west

    keep oscillatin’ sk! ;-D

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 3:39 am #

    Just go sit in any cafe in KX full of English backpackers. You won’t have to try to imagine at all.

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 5:15 am #

    Banish the fat git Mat Snow & Steve Suvverland to Portmeirion (the Village) get out the weather balloon and suffocate the fuckers to oblivion.

    NME is comparible to the Village newspaper. Nothing makes sense. Do you have a color version please??

    Brilliant Mr K.

    Auckland & bored.

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 6:18 am #

    a widest – generalizations possible – 1 am – my time

    we do not exist simply + that’s exactly it – in time we can see simplicity – yet we see the complexity of time – continually – but that’s all illusion too – just as moments of peace are never fully moments of peace – and moments of disaster are never completely disaster – it’s the differential – the problems differential – what it does to perception and what that causes – round and round the wheel we go – and then – it’s at that exact moment – of absurdity – or whatever it is – and we know – the moment – as it is – as it exists – as we can know it – and that is it – simply – only – and always +/- but then we can’t – get at it – cus we want it – and it’s the chemicals – or – ego – or – fear – or love – and we’ve lost it again – or found it – however you look at – it – em e m

  20. avatar
    Wil-O | 8 February 2006 at 7:23 am #

    g’day Kil-O

    Axes is indeed the plural of axis.


  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 7:39 am #

    so who is this gnat snowpile but a tubby bloated farting guy? He’s no one to me. I have my preferences to listen to The Church more than any thing else.

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 8:18 am #

    Perhaps somewhat bizarrely, the following quote is from Billie Jean King:

    The worst part about being famous is that, in every way, it is (mostly) the loudest, the brashest, the rudest people who approach you. If you sign those hundred autographs, it is surely the nicer bunch of kids who are in the second hundred and get squeezed out. And the ones with deals and promises and guarantees are almost certain to be the ones full of bull and full of themselves. One of the reasons so many people who achieve fame and fortune don’t find happiness is because, almost by definition, if you reach that high estate you are going to find yourself surrounded by the lowest hangers-on in the world. It is not that you get cut off from the real people, you just get cut off from the good people. And pretty soon, if you don’t watch out, you can start to turn into a creep yourself.

    Maybe this is why the genuine talent are somehow drawn to those who don’t fawn all over them.

  23. avatar
    s | 8 February 2006 at 8:23 am #

    “it was always him that reviewd our records
    year after year”

    Exactly! THAT is the stupid part! Seen other examples of the same thing. And then you know there are reviewers who likes the music in question on that same mag….

    Anyway, enjoy your bloggy writin very much…

    Take care

  24. avatar
    Jnfr | 8 February 2006 at 8:49 am #

    While I was a student in film school, I once read a quote, “Film critics are like soldiers who fire on their own troops”, and I vowed to take anything they said with a grain of salt. It’s along the lines of “Those who can’t, ……”. Jealousy, envy, that’s how I see it. To them I say, “I’m here and you’re there, who’s having a more fun and fulfilling life, eh?”

  25. avatar
    oldchurchfan | 8 February 2006 at 9:34 am #

    so you’ve had 2 white whales. No matter. They never made statues of critics, and lots of people love ya work

  26. avatar
    Rubikon | 8 February 2006 at 9:55 am #

    It would seem that People who can create Art, Music, Poetry,literature etc and people who can’t become bitter, fat, twisted, bald and eventually become music critics writing about all the people that they will never ever be.

    The NME by the way never really liked any band that didn’t come from London.

    Music Critics all suffer from a particular English condition called “Orifice Confusion”.

  27. avatar
    Rubikon | 8 February 2006 at 10:01 am #

    Anonymous – please don’t banish Mat Snow & Steve Suvverland to Portmeirion (The Village) – I live a few miles South of Portmeirion (In Old South Wales) and I wouldn’t want ’em living too near me – they’d corrupt the place anyway.

    Portmeirion is a beautiful place – by the way.

    Be seeing you!

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 10:17 am #

    Music Journos – Aliens Like men find THE woman they meet. Now I know SueC and other wonderful females will read this and think “Loser” that’s cool coz I’m not.

    I respect women very much, but reading them sometimes when you have to coz you’re not lucky enough to look like SK 🙂

    Im just encouraging observation like SK.

    Just like in Swingers – do you wait 7 days before making contact? 72 hours? the next night? or that night when you get home? (not the latter I know)

    No direspect to the opposite sex intended please, but it can be like War of the World’s – “how is the being from another planet going to respond when you make contact?” Vaporised? Have I come on too heavy?? what are they thinking? It seemed great..

    It’s a funny old world. I’ve tried the SK goaty. First time I drew it on with my partners eye pencil for trial.. forgot I’d done it, and went up to the video shop!!!!!!

    But when I actually grew it, I looked more like Blackadder One that any thing Churchy.. 🙁

    What do women that you fall head over heels for immediately want during those crucial first days? to be left alone? or contact?

    Everyone’s different I guess?

  29. avatar
    apple in ya eyes | 8 February 2006 at 11:35 am #

    Out of my way
    Step aside
    What Are ya looking at
    Coming through
    Watch it pal
    eXcoose Me
    Back off buddy
    Ya call those comments?
    This IS my space.

    Hi ya old bean, what do ya think?

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 11:42 am #


    Colour of Lorraine

  31. avatar
    RA | 8 February 2006 at 11:46 am #

    Mat Snow…

    I met this guy in a pub once, was visiting a guy I know.. started talking about music.. He slagged off Belle and Sebastian.. who I love.. then when I mentioned seeing The Church he really got going… I did my best, but he was “on one”..(A bit Like when Merrick is asked about Japan)…It was Mat Snow. He is unpleasant.

    As you say, fuck ’em.

    We know.. he doesn’t need to.



  32. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 11:47 am #

    It’s the Comedown..

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 12:07 pm #

    Dearest Rubikon

    I Love Portmeirion, satyed a night there once and they put an episode of the Prisoner on each night. A fanatical Prisoner fan that looks the spittin image of Ben Elton runs the Prisoner shop (number six) and he drives an identical Village Taxi Mini Moke.

    I was merely banishing them to The Village so they could run for their patheic lives along Harlech Harbour and let Rover the ballon have em for dinner.

    Nos da from Auckland fellow Church friend

  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 12:16 pm #

    A friends band had an interesting live review once – a review that was very detailed and at times aggressive in tone appeared in On the Street – I was amazed at this guys ability to observe the band while at the same time be wrapped around a girl at the bar in another section of the hotel – he never entered the bands room – how do I know this – a friend and I were working on the door that night – you guessed it he never even saw the band – still got payed for the review. Fortunately not all the reviewers were of his unique standard.

  35. avatar
    emmanuel | 8 February 2006 at 1:15 pm #

    I agree and apologize, I just let it go…
    So, if U were a sooper starr, maybe U would not be that free. But U already know that.
    Trying to think
    For ya, SK

  36. avatar
    Brad | 8 February 2006 at 1:17 pm #

    I donno. I never thought THE sk ever wanted to be a super star in the first place, or would still be thinking about what some reviewer from years ago said. I find the Billie Jean King comment from an above to have a nugget of truth in it.


  37. avatar
    emmanuel | 8 February 2006 at 1:23 pm #

    3 you are !

  38. avatar
    captainmission | 8 February 2006 at 1:40 pm #

    by 1984 the ‘enemy’ was in its death throes anyway, the journos were all alcoholic speed freaks who thought they had the talent, and any one that got a good review one week were slagged off the next. It’s peak days as a music mag was in the late 70’s, punk and all that.
    i remember going to see the waterboys at kentish town in the early 80’s and Mike Scott asked who the best bands were while he had been away, i was with a bunch of people who yelled out ‘The Church.’ So despite the review london had embraced the church and i’m sure the best is yet to come. Funny thing is years later i got a tape of the show and when ever i play it i can hear myself yelling out, ‘The Church.’

    Audacity is something i know little about, i think i am in deficit when it comes to audacity. What’s it’s opposite? That’s what i may have.

    i like that drink, extra oxygen and water, gotta be good, although I’m not sure why it comes in plastic.

  39. avatar
    Rubikon | 8 February 2006 at 1:41 pm #

    It’s kind of funny that a lot of bands that the UK Music press drooled over in the 80s – think The Smiths, Lloyd Cole & the Commotions (the singer sounded like a karaoke sk – you should sue him for impersonation Steve)and the later Manchester scene were (to my ears anyway) somewhat influenced by the Church.

  40. avatar
    Rubikon | 8 February 2006 at 1:46 pm #

    Or am I starting to sound like a Music Critic…..OOPS!

  41. avatar
    12str | 8 February 2006 at 1:56 pm #

    these guys are all the same everywhere..
    they go on like they have some cosmic hotline a sixth sense of understanding the inner beeing of making music,writing lyrics,performing arts,they sit around masturbating to their bylines…an elite of knowhowers coming together in their club of inner admiration…
    but i guess they have a right to exist just like the publisher of the muhammed cartoons..
    a tuborg anyone?
    what aworld we live in..
    youre the best sk

  42. avatar
    verdelay | 8 February 2006 at 2:06 pm #

    Two young adventurers set out with the King. They reach a riverbank. The King initiates a contest of wits. One young adventurer bests the other. The Kings says to the vanquished one: “you stay here and wait”. To the winner, he says: “you go out and venture beyond yon mountain and find a tale or two to tell me”. Then the king returns to his castle to get a little more fat. Years pass. Eventually the witty young adventurer returns from yon mountain, a little older and wiser now, with tales to tell. He meets the man he bested, still waiting by the riverbank, still seething. The adventurer tells the other man his tales. The man by the river says: “hmmmm. I’ve been talking to the King lately. He doesn’t really go for that kind of thing these days. Better go out again and see what else you can discover”. So the not-so-young adventurer sets off for the mountain again. And the other man waits by the riverbank, alone with his envy and his malice, sneaking into the village now and then to awe the yokels with his stolen tales of wonder.

    the end


  43. avatar
    Malika | 8 February 2006 at 2:27 pm #

    “So hard finding inspiration”…

    Yes, that’s right :
    A bit hard at the moment…
    But soon I will find my colours,
    Soon I will find my words.
    & soon I will find them all
    Sliding, moving, waving,
    Wandering, swinging…
    On my canvases…

    Love & Respect,
    Colour of Lorraine

  44. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 3:35 pm #

    The buggar is still around:

  45. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 4:06 pm #

    Stevie K:

    You never cease to educate me on the “english language”

    Can I rob your term codswallop?

    I mean from one fish to another. LOL

    I love you man


  46. avatar
    Rubikon | 8 February 2006 at 4:06 pm #

    Yes Mr Snow is still around – he writes about Football. Nick Cave wrote a song about him called – “SCUM” – appropriate don’t you think

  47. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 February 2006 at 4:28 pm #

    Oh he sure did…here is a link to the lyrics:
    Go Nick!

  48. avatar
    Handyman | 8 February 2006 at 9:44 pm #

    Screw the critic and the naysayers. Their pockets are lined from so many angles. They cannot be counted on in almost any form for an unbiased opinion. I for one am glad The Church and Kilbey specifically decided to NOT do what they wanted. You are better for it. You have INTEGRITY.

    Anymore of ’em in the states you want me track down?


  49. avatar
    boydie | 8 February 2006 at 9:52 pm #


    Boydie here – Mat Snow was Editor of Mojo mag in recent past but no more and Sutherland – no idea…Only Nick Kent/Paul Morley/Charles Sharr-Murray were any cop anyhow although do you remember that geezer from Sounds called (I think) John Opposition who gave Skins and Blurred really good reviews I remember. Snow and Sutherland both wankers though eh?

    can I plug the re-birth of NSEW fanzine to all you bloggers out there – Issue#17 out soon with all the usual shit about the world’s greatest band. Email me on for details of this and all back issues which are still available and well worth having.

    Om…Shanti Shanti Shanti Kilbie



  50. avatar
    eek | 8 February 2006 at 10:11 pm #

    Until relatively recently I had not read any reviews of The Church (most bands for that matter) and that worked great for me. If I liked what I hear it was good, if I didn’t like it I didn’t listen anymore.

    For me what is the worst thing about bad reviews isn’t that they are bad, but that so many people read them and actually believe them instead of listening to the music and making up their own minds. Why anyone would allow someone else to determine what is good and bad for them is beyond me.

    And oh what I would give to have a snapshot of SK the moment he first laid eyes on Mat Snow! 🙂

  51. avatar
    me me me | 8 February 2006 at 10:38 pm #

    does the 51st comment get a date with sk? 🙂


  52. avatar
    Andromeda7 | 11 February 2006 at 1:13 pm #

    what makes you think, anon, that writers get paid at on the street? most are fans writing because they love music, few get paid properly, never see the sort of money in a year successful musos often stuff up their noses in a night in certain backstage rooms. that said, wankers abound on both sides of the stage. who ever remembers all the good reviews they get? all the glowing, slavering stroking? always hard to get the english to accept those they perceive as cast-offs, the shipped out lower classes stealing to keep their kids in bread and the snot off their lips. well we are the survivors of the survivors of that hideous voyage and we don’t give up easily. either melbourne or sydney could take london in a clock’s tick when it comes to a live scene, and that’s the truth.
    audacity? thanks for that. love you for it.


  53. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 January 2008 at 5:40 am #

    Mat Snow was editor of Mojo then Editor of a footbal mag til he lost his job. See

    He also wrote a questionable review of a classical music concert:
    He seems 2 revel in the Nick Cave song “scum” that was apparently written about him …………. it takes all kinds I guess ……

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