posted on December 18, 2007 at 4:16 am

hello faithful friend
truly this western world
has formed my mind
and it has made it so so hard
to embrace the paradox
sweet lord jesus
calm and magnificent buddha
gorgeous krishna
inexorable vishnu
fiery shiva
saraswati playing a fender jazz
the goddess of fortune
her hands spitting gold coins
all of you who exist
yet do not exist
certainly not merely existing
lend me your hands
help me to…..
i cant quite…
the world and my own mind are doing my head in
my fire is burning
i am angry and flushed
the summer
my own pitta nature
the ringing deafened ears
my lack of humility
my lack of patience
my own loud music
my intensity of thought
my focus
my dedication to yoga
which is magic in another guise
my constant penchant for wreck-re-ational drucks
my burning needs
my smouldering hatreds
my feverish aspirations
my scalding scolding tongue
that wags this way and that
my addiction to the ocean
oh i love her i love her so much
respect her
fear her
i try to feel her
i try to ride her
not yet lover boy says the pacific
the atlantic says nothing; she is cold towards me
i know i combine the stupidest and most sublime opposites
i say to you reconcile opposites
you say to me
heal thyself metaphysician
do as you say
not as you do
no i am confused
i seem to contradict myself
even the truth
is the truth what happened while we were lying
i lied about my age
my height
my sex
my nationality
boy will you ever be disappointed
when you crash into the real me
who is now real
a parody of real
cmon stevie boy are you for fuckin’ real man
theres the paradox
a parody and a reality can be inseparable
its the exception that proves the rule every time
and you know how many rules there are
so thatsa lotta exceptions
anything proves anything
nothing proves nothing
i aint joe schmoe or rimbaud
its funny friends of mine
you all understand and forgive me
the way i cant myself
i dont want your fattening flattery
i want to just be there
in the place you already made for me
in yer heart or wherever you like to think it is
i am now of course talking to my readers
my listeners
however else you absorbed my phantom-like mojo
yes of course we are on this wavelength
and you know i care for each of you
you real readers of mine
i dont have to name names and blames now
you know if youre with me here
paradoxes erupt in me
i am a peaceful man
but i wish the fuckin’ australian and or nz navy
sends a ship down to the south pole
and sinks the first fuckin’ ship that harpoons a whale
and the next
and so on
and so on
until they understand
dont hurt the whales anymore, you greedy sick bastards
with your cynical transparent lies and excuses
the whole world decided NO FUCKING MORE WHALING!
and you know why
if we dont
there will be no more whales
we realised that it is an abominable cruel practice
we realised that the things humans are cutting up for blubber
could actually be smarter than us…..!!!!
i dont wanna spill any human blood
but here i’d make the whalers a promise
then a warning
then i’d see it right through
and fuck em!

someone whos been causing me unnecessary grief
writes to me saying
hows your ear?
cant you understand that you have crossed the line?
always a stranger now i wish to never hear from or about you again
lady, go gently into that good night

sometimes the big fish
says youre just so nice
yet the big fishes little cheeses
try to push ya round….

strange to find a stranger who knows all yer stranger work
stranger still our new guitar tech wife walked down the aisle
fall in love with me
off narcosis plus more and more again
yeah thats a strange wedding song
my fucked up electronic voice telling that sad story
about that man
that charlatan bastard
that lonely stupid addicted monster
hiding in a huge old house
just like mick jagger in performance
but without the women or the “good” drugs
luckily that story was purely fictional
and his wife now a bass player herself
noticed and remarked that i had a bad night at enmore
on the bass and then i knew that she could play
did not have bad night in melbo tho
dear jen you brown jewel
lovely poetess and godmother to my own sweet daughter
what would it avail us to play our hits?
now i please no one
except myself
now i am this olde
i have earned that privilege
if i please them
what would that do?
they wouldnt come and see us again
they wouldnt even buy anything
cept maybe our greatest hits record if that..
so i care nothing for impressing those
who couldnt use their 2 ears
which lord vishnu designed and gave them for free
if they couldnt tell that we were the bees fucking knees
then playing almost with you
aint either
i’d rather
pick up
the stray stranger
who hadnt realised
or had forgotten
that the church
are much more
and much less
than yer average rock band
we have recklessly pursued beauty
through all times and conditions
we have hung together to show you our current take
we are the church
we adhere to rocks great and lofty ambitions
we scorn its self imposed limitations
ive run my race
ive done my bit
ive done it before some of ya were born
i was rocking in some bar in canberra
the capital of this outlandish southern continent
i read jenny browns book about skyhooks
(did i see macainsh outside the forum??)
i rehearsed
i went out n tried to “please” the audience
now im olde and tried
i have invented my own schtick
and then i reinvented it
im a venerable olde diamond aint i?
im a national treasure aint i?
is there a cooler olde codger than me?
is there any one else combining sexy and senile?
i deserved it all talent wise
i didnt deserve nothing as far as being a real man
and i had to suffer
and lo
i did
and i embraced heroin
no longer a paradox
just a spirit who wishes me harm
who is so much stronger than you will ever imagine
now i popped out of all that
im poor
i got loadsa kids
in my own distorted egoistic opinion
i’m doing what few else (can) do (anymore)
and you know its guaranteed to contain 95% love
and it wont be dumbed down
and it wont be western dribble
and it wont be flaccid meaningless awkward cliched shit
it will be me giving ya what i got
and i say i deliver
i will deliver you
with my music my words my voice
see ya later baybee
cos this is what i do
i dont care if i please anybody
i will either jolt you with it
or you wont now or ever “get” it
and now
as i said
who cares?
not me.
yes my friends
the hall of frame would be good in some ways
but bad in others
another paradox
more paradoxes will be forthcoming
lemme embrace

32 Responses to “why killer needs to embrace the paradox”

  1. avatar
    Owl | 18 December 2007 at 6:24 am #

    I dig it, I like hearing your internal dialogue. It helps and encourages me to stay on my own path and fuck the rest.

  2. avatar
    markobears | 18 December 2007 at 6:43 am #

    makes me drift up and float and fall like a stone

  3. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 18 December 2007 at 7:42 am #

    everyday eye feel like ‘a’ paradox…

  4. avatar
    princey | 18 December 2007 at 8:57 am #

    Yeah, I’m glad too sk, that you don’t include all the hits at your shows, they’re all fantastic songs, but I love hearing new stuff and the “epics” that only Church fiends know and love.
    Tuff Titties to those that don’t dig it!
    Love Amanda

  5. avatar
    princey | 18 December 2007 at 8:58 am #

    Why is there a bin at the bottom of my comment??

  6. avatar
    Jen Jewel Brown | 18 December 2007 at 9:12 am #

    Thank you so kindly dear diamond. The Church is a proud independent band. You’ll do it your way just like Sid V.

    But because fantasies are free (and partially accoustic, with instrument-swapping, and partially electric com amp) and not necessarily in this order because I’m too b. ignorant to know about chord changes that lead well into each other,comes the set list from night one at the Sea of Tranquility Ballroom on board the Australian coast guard tanker, Cloud Nine, en route to Southern Antarctic Whale Sanctuary to spy on Japan in order to present images at international tribunal regarding slaughter of endangered species, the Humpback Whale, many of whom are known personally by name to Australians:

    Wide Open Road
    Already Yesterday
    North South East and West
    When You Were Mine
    Electric Lash
    Youth Worshipper
    Two Places At Once
    The Time Being
    This Is It
    All the Young Dudes
    See Your Lights
    Life Speeds Up
    Unified Field
    Amost With You
    Never Before
    Space Needle
    Is This Where You Live
    Memories in Future Tense

    PS Bloody great blogging

  7. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 18 December 2007 at 9:17 am #

    I like reading your internal dialogue, too, Steve. I use internal dialogue a lot myself. As a freelance copywriter, who considers myself to be more skilful at what I do than most copywriters out there, I, too, say “Fuck you”, if you don’t see the difference – “then that’s your loss, buddy!”

    Ah..Paradox is one of my favourite Church songs. Always loved it. The rolling, blissful, wave-like melody. Lovely.

  8. avatar
    princey | 18 December 2007 at 9:22 am #

    Sorry for posting another comment sk, but there’s a cute photo of you backstage at “sails of oblivion” blog.

  9. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 18 December 2007 at 10:14 am #

    …and honey, i ain’t so perfect myself…god knows i have my human frailties and weaknesses (not the hellbound heart for nothing)…
    why anyone would want to harpoon whales is beyone me…such magnificent creatures…
    my daughter found a chrysalis (sic) today in the garden along with some caterpillars…her delight and fresh curiosity were wonderful…
    beautiful blog today, steve…
    love always…

  10. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 18 December 2007 at 10:15 am #

    bugger…spelling mistake…beyond, goddam it…

  11. avatar
    Ethereal Butterfly | 18 December 2007 at 12:40 pm #

    You are a National Treasure Killa! You’re my nomination for Australia’s poet laureate; always reflecting and drawing upon a deep & melancholic treasure chest of thoughts, with a sexy & charismatic stage presence & voice, soul -piercing eyes and brooding stillness paradoxically combined with refreshingly outrageous Aussie irreverence.
    Hall of ‘Frame’ that’s funny!! I still think it has more merit by doing it than not doing it. It would open more positive doors for you and The Church wouldn’t it? You don’t dance to anyone else’s tune now by only playing your ‘oldies but goodies’. You play what you want to play and no-one would expect you to change that just because you’re a ‘Famer’ would they? If they did then I wouldn’t do it either but if you can still maintain your high level of integrity then what have you to lose? It would be a positive leap of faith in my book………. but what do I know really?? Hey Princey – so cute! The bin is what we all get when we post so we can trash it then or later if we so desire, you can only see your own though………… spooky huh?!!

  12. avatar
    fantasticandy | 18 December 2007 at 1:12 pm #

    hey steve,
    one of my ‘other’ favourite bands is van der generator(hammill too is a great lyricist)….for excactly the same reasons that make the church so special…and even my own humble little outfit stick to the same principles.
    do what you belive is right.
    never ever sell yourself short.
    remember, the people who love you most are the ones who will give the worst advice…because they feel for you so much, and want you to have more ‘success’.
    you ARE doing what you do best right now….and you know it.
    onwards and upwards forever, great thinking person’s rocker!!!!!
    andy L.

    p.s. ALL whalers are bastards.

  13. avatar
    Altres | 18 December 2007 at 2:37 pm #

    This is fantastic, I’ve gotten around the firewall at my work and can now read it and post here. heh, I’ll never work again. 😀


  14. avatar
    veleska1970 | 18 December 2007 at 2:37 pm #

    never compromise your principles and values. hah~~your “internal dialogue” is a lot like my own.

    i echo ethereal butterfly’s sentiments~~you play whatever the hell you like and refuse to box yourself into an expectation. and that’s one reason why i adore the church so much!!

    you seem to be feeling better. sleep well.

    lotza love….

  15. avatar
    Cee | 18 December 2007 at 3:05 pm #

    …dicen que eres mi religion

    Un abrazo,

  16. avatar
    John | 18 December 2007 at 3:39 pm #

    “i will deliver you
    with my music my words my voice”

    You already did.

    Since I was about 12 years old, your voice has haunted me. To me you have arrived…and then some.

    John Garratt

    PS – What do all you fiends think about “Narcosis”? Never heard it.

  17. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 18 December 2007 at 3:43 pm #

    What an eclectic blog laden with philosophy, psychology, spirituality, insights to Sks and the world’s harsh realities. SK is a master lyricist, vocalist, solo recording artist, CHurch band leader and writer/poet par excellance. I have noticed that dozens of commentors have mentioned that once they introduce the Church’s music to the unenlightened then they become instantly enlightened and immediately want the music. I would not exist here if my stoned-out friend J.M did not see you perform at the 2006 Vegan Fest. He said Brien this guy Kilbey’s music and style will blow you away. It has. The quality of The Church’s music is inimitable, nonpareil and even getting better with age (like my guitar God JB). If you go to the Auria Hall of fame it will give fans the ammunition to tell prospective CHurch converts not only are they the greatest band in the world they are also in the Aria Hall Of Fame. Your performance there would be great and it would not compromise your inviolable integrity at all.

    It’s so hard to spell.

    Gandhi was tenably correct when he said the life of a lamb is just as precious as the life of a man. Respect our fellow sentient creatures. They all have spirit and the will to live.

  18. avatar
    Anakki Mayhem | 18 December 2007 at 3:52 pm #

    “paradoxes erupt in me
    i am a peaceful man
    but i wish the fuckin’ australian and or nz navy
    sends a ship down to the south pole
    and sinks the first fuckin’ ship that harpoons a whale
    and the next
    and so on
    and so on
    until they understand
    dont hurt the whales anymore, you greedy sick bastards
    with your cynical transparent lies and excuses
    the whole world decided NO FUCKING MORE WHALING!
    and you know why
    if we dont
    there will be no more whales
    we realised that it is an abominable cruel practice
    we realised that the things humans are cutting up for blubber
    could actually be smarter than us…..!!!!
    i dont wanna spill any human blood
    but here i’d make the whalers a promise
    then a warning
    then i’d see it right through
    and fuck em!”

    your words are so perfect i have nothing else to say.

  19. avatar
    Anthony | 18 December 2007 at 4:04 pm #

    Aaaahh, Paradox. Possibly the most beautiful song ever… right up there with Imagine. Certainly no one has ever written a song summing up a relationship with heroin that sounds so beautiful. And can be applied to a relationship with another human being… love is love. Sometimes it’s good for you, sometimes bad. But we all crave and need it. Thanks for the brilliant songs and this brilliant blog.
    Much love to you,

  20. avatar
    12str | 18 December 2007 at 4:54 pm #

    man what a setlist!!


  21. avatar
    Ansible Jon | 18 December 2007 at 5:50 pm #

    it’s my 40th birthday and all i want is whatever you want to give me, killa.
    ah, yes, i feel it. my god, it’s beautiful. thank you, deeply.

    i have narcosis(+) and adore it.(listened to it at the tail end of a 60 hour fast…it was an interesting combination…) “fall in love” is a lovely little story and glad to see it acknowledged. not a bad song on there, even a “throwaway song” with a zither, as i have heard sk refer to “linda wong”. maybe it’s the autographed copy that makes it sound so lovely.

    save brother and sister whale.

    peace, love, understanding
    ansible jon (at 40)

  22. avatar
    davem | 18 December 2007 at 7:32 pm #

    “We are the church
    we adhere to rocks great and lofty ambitions”
    and thank God that you do. Been travelling today to a tape made up of your blighty setlist from this year. It was effing brilliant.
    Although I still listen to at least an hours music every day I don’t listen to much other than your collective work and Gabriel-era Genesis……plus a smidge of Perrett…
    Keep on doing what pleases you, ‘cos it works for thousands of us too as we run frantically trying to keep up!


  23. avatar
    davem | 18 December 2007 at 8:29 pm #

    If you haven’t heard Narcosis yet, IMHO don’t hunt out the ep or Narcosis + and go straight to “Narcosis + more”.
    Some great stuff on there.
    You’ll recognise Limbo from Acoustic & Intimate…brill track.
    I also lurrrrve Somna and English Kiss especially. Treat yourself for Christmas??!!

  24. avatar
    isolde | 18 December 2007 at 9:48 pm #


  25. avatar
    nickfiction | 18 December 2007 at 11:33 pm #

    steve you are truly an intergalactic treasure!

  26. avatar
    tim | 18 December 2007 at 11:55 pm #

    THE rock and roll hall of fame is where the church belong you know the one in cleveland? But you don’t belong at the same time …hows that for paradox? i mean how can leonard cohen go in on the same night as madonna????

    I first heard the church with the release of Starfish and after GAF (played both until they could no longer be played due to wear) Then grunge came and the pure visceral energy of Nirvana and P.J. and Soundgarden and that other herion addict who didn’t get out alive Layne Staley and Alice in Chains sort of hijacked and monopolized my listening for a short time and when I rediscovered the church’s career some 15 years later (thanks to this blog) I was blown away at what I heard and felt regret for not enjoying your music as it happened. I have been amazed and am in awe of two things
    1.that you and your band have this incredible body of work that would leave me dissappointed if you played the old hits on some nostalgia gig as opposed to what appears in your present set list when you are blessed to be able to work at the thing you love you’ll never have to work a day in your life..and
    2 that you are not recognized further for your efforts and accomplishments over an indelible career. So if you
    are given a hall award or anything for your lifes efforts…accept it…its not some p.r. marketing bullshit to sell the new single (unless you want it to be)


    p.s. great fucking blog today sk…out of curiosity went back to the archives to the beginning…remember when you were doing 2 blogs a day???

  27. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 19 December 2007 at 12:15 am #

    “boy will you ever be disappointed
    when you crash into the real me
    who is now real
    a parody of real
    cmon stevie boy are you for fuckin’ real man
    theres the paradox
    a parody and a reality can be inseparable”


    The paradoxical idea that the fool may possess wis-
    dom, though it was not to achieve its fullest articulation
    until the Renaissance, doubtless had its beginnings very
    early in the civilizing process. As soon as it was possible
    for man to feel nostalgia for a simpler way of life, he
    must also have wondered about the superiority of a
    simpler kind of wisdom, whether innate or inspired,
    over whatever knowledge of the world he had acquired
    through his own empirical deducation or from the in-
    struction of others. Whenever reason has been able to
    question itself and acknowledge that the heart has its
    reasons that reason does not know, a kind of wisdom
    has been attributed to the fool. Men have often noticed
    that the untutored or simpleminded, in their purity of
    heart, could penetrate to profounder truths than those
    encumbered with learning and convention, in the same
    way that we sometimes sense a more resonant verity
    in homely sayings or popular proverbs than in rational
    exposition. It is, in fact, no accident that the fools of
    literature characteristically resort to proverbial ex-
    pressions; for proverbs draw their strength, Antaeus-
    like, from the humble earth and the simple heart.
    Moreover, developing rationality, like developing civ-
    ilization, has seemed to bring burdens along with
    benefits; and the more advanced the development of
    either, the more some men, longing for an earlier,
    simpler, more natural state, have experienced the
    beguilements of the uncivilized and the irrational. The
    concept of the wise fool, in opposing a wisdom that
    is natural or god-given to one that is self-acquired, is
    the most sophisticated and far-reaching of those primi-
    tivistic ideas with which man has questioned his own
    potentialities and achievements.

    From –

  28. avatar
    tim | 19 December 2007 at 1:27 am #


    highly unlikely that nz or aus navy will do a damn thing…see these two countries are members of the international whaling commission a 76 nation strong group that was formed in 1946 for the purpose of providing for the proper conservation of whale stocks and thus make possible the orderly development of the whaling industry. So start with your own gov’t and get them out of the IWC I’m proud to say Canada is no longer a member (no seal jokes please) Yes folks its true…76 countries still believe its okay to slaughter the whales? How does that make you feel? What a fucked up world it is


  29. avatar
    steve kilbey | 19 December 2007 at 1:31 am #

    smoking pot…forbidden

  30. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 19 December 2007 at 2:04 am #

    Sk is a modern musical Lennon but like Macca he loves all creatures great and small-plus a dose of weed. Just imagine I can go home and stridently drink a pint of whiskey every night and drag my vegetarian ass to work. If I were to smoke a peaceful joint and get drug-tested- I would lose my job, be in the newspaper and probably feel impelled to kill myself. Unreal, insane, inane-all because of America’s ludicrous war on drugs. I love my alcohol but it’s very dangerous socially, mentally and physically. In my weed days I was a pleasant and amiable being at all times-no threat to anybody, anything or myself. A drunk could work in a slaughterhouse. A pothead could not(unless they were innately fucked-up in the head).

  31. avatar
    melissa | 19 December 2007 at 2:09 am #

    exactly SK. What a sad, sad world we live in where the harming and killing of these magnificant creatures is somehow condoned.

    I love what Brien C wrote before.. ‘They all have spirit and the will to live.’ This is so true. Knowing that, it makes it even worse.

  32. avatar
    tim | 19 December 2007 at 2:25 am #

    in canada they stop prosecuting possesion of small amounts. Its very rare to see a common citizen busted for useage
    its the gangs and big hauls they are after cause that stuff makes the papers and the evening news and that is but one of the reasons it is still illegal…it makes the cops and our gov’t look good but its an easy score for the cops. But rarely in my country do you see common usage prosecuted, but given a fine instead for small quantities..god i love pot..

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