posted on September 11, 2006 at 3:52 am

nostalgia, fiends
aint it a bitch
those long gone australian summers
those times i sat in the mist in a park in balmain
with grant maclennan writing the words for the frosties
those yesterdays kisses n tears
all that water under the bridge
petty ambitions
petty obstructions
all my songs are coming true
full circle
can ya dig that sweet past
reforming itself inside your memory
coiled up and ready to fall out
those hazy super 8 days
so long ago
so far away
where are we now?
we’ve fallen asleep on the train again
oh we must have slept for hours and hours…
and now we’ve woken up here…..
getting closer to my final destination
inch x inch
second x second
stop this train !
i want to get off!
5 years ago today
i wassa sittin in this apt in delaware
when the lady next door knocks on door
n says somethin’ on tv ya might like to be seein’
yeah i aint goin’ into any of that ,dont worry
except to say that things were a little tense everywhere
i remember eve n aurora werent even 2
the train rushes on and into the night
i aint afraid of my destination no more fiendss
i used to be..
it seems like an outrageous thing when yer young
but now
nice to take off this steve kilbey suit
have a rest before i pull some other one on
be someone else for a change
i’ll get a life
i’ll be same old same old but different
go through it all again
chuck out most of all the stuff i learned
its ok
everyone has to do it
is that what makes it almost bearable?
some friends tell me that ian rilen
a real rocknroll character here in sydney n melb
has terminal cancer n hes refused all the chemo n stuff
i dont know what to say..
i guess i can sorta understand ..
i know ian a bit
and hes the real rocknrollin’ thing in spades
hard livin’ hard lovin’ hard fightin’ hard drinkin’ rocker
he writes great songs too
a whole buncha classics he penned
still one hopes ian could be miraculously cured
we’re losin’ a lotta good guys recently..
ian was in a great band called sardine v
and we opened for em once
and they were so good
i wasnt even jealous
ian had a great big suit n a weird guitar
another time ian “accosted” me n grant mc
at the hopetoun pub in sydney
he was trying to lift grants hat up to see how much hair he had
and then he was trying to give me a big beery kiss
we fell over and were kinda strugglin around on the floor
of this gig
and people were saying jesus!
aint that steve kilbey n ian rilen lyin on the floor there ?!
its ok
me n ian are mates
he used ta live up the road from me in rozelle
and i used ta drop in at his little house on my way up the shops
wow ian
you manage to be classy and wild at the same time!
a sorta rough gentleman or something
anyway
christ!
i hope it dont happen ian
but if it does
i hope you slip like a silver drop
into a silver sea
sk 11 9 2006

47 Responses to “you really were aching..”

  1. avatar
    (('{~_~}')) | 11 September 2006 at 4:45 am #

    9 11 what an awful day! It never fails to shock me how evil humans can be.

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 September 2006 at 5:02 am #

    I wonder if it was all the speed or just one of those things.

    Dutch Pierre

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 September 2006 at 5:04 am #

    What do you mean get rid of this Steve Kilbey suit? But why? I start to panic when you write stuff like this sk, who else do you wanna be but the one and only!!
    Well, as long as you don’t change before Oct 14th ok?!!

    Love you always,
    Amanda

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 September 2006 at 5:08 am #

    He meant death by it, for God’s sake. There must be someone intelligent enough here.

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 September 2006 at 5:43 am #

    Hi Killerbee,

    I hang for the simplicity of times gone past, but wouldn’t want to relive them!

    I’m quite happy bein 45 n all, and am happy in my skin.

    Wish I could get to Adelaid to do some crunchin, but next time…….

    Any MWP promised me the next time the crunch came to WA that you all would be wearin’ grass skirts and playing against an indian ocean sunset or was that wearing an indian ocean sunset and playing against a grass skirt lol

    More strenfgth to ya all

    Best
    celticat

  6. avatar
    manfred | 11 September 2006 at 5:50 am #

    hey you
    stuck in the same old clothes
    still i wonder if you’ve ever heard of
    the dark sea of awareness or the eagle
    castaneda’s view of reincarnation seems to be a bit more complicated
    than pulling on another suit
    and ian rilen has got a homepage
    it’s all there
    all the best to him
    five years ago today i was at a Residents gig
    and I heard first rumours there
    noone had told me to watch tv before
    did it all night then afterwards
    and now i’m gonna take a quote from yesterday as a motto
    “it isnt bohemian or groovy
    its just an awful mess”
    yeah you’re write
    got some tidying up to do
    so i’d better go
    bye
    m

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 September 2006 at 6:16 am #

    9 11. was pregnant with my first lay in bed all night thinking what the fck am i doing, what kind of world am i bringing this innocent into. allegra is four and a half now cant believe it. so grown up, but still cries when i leave her at kindy. two more since then. just babies too. tallulah two and orson 5 months. feel bad now that i got cross with lula for not putting her shoes and raincoat on in the morning rush. getting addicted to your blog killerbee.

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 September 2006 at 6:18 am #

    My dears,

    Indeed this is a notorious date…one which has held special significance in my life for other reasons though…

    It’s my birthday.

    I remember 5 years ago I was getting calls in the middle of the night from NYC as my sister and her husband were living over there in the middle of it all. For an hour or so there was just one plane crashing after another and my sis was sure there were bombings to come….I remember her saying ‘they’re trying to blow up America’. I kinda knew she was scared but didn’t know what to expect. We knew more people over there and waited all day to hear if everyone was OK. All were. One friend of mine was heading up a film crew over there and had to talk everyone out of dumping the equipment and heading out of the city on foot across the Brooklyn Bridge. If you were on the streets it must have been surreal and Armageddon like….

    We were expecting our second girl – Little Miss Allergy as it turns out – and I can remember looking at the images on the TV and thinking – what are we doing bringing a child into a world like this? Sounds like there were lots of us doing that.

    These here are crazy times…..and although I fear for the lives of my loved ones I do believe that when your number is up, your number is up. I don’t plan to panic, I hope to help anybody who is on the way out with me and that fear will not be present.

    I want to go breathing out….

    Nice plan, eh? and so smug of me to think one can really exercise control over these things.

    ….and so cheery of me to be going on about this stuff on my birthday.

    Gotta go, cake to ice etc. enormous number of candles will probably set off smoke alarms etc.(not as many as SK though)

    B.Nice to yerselves

    B.Bon

    P.S. It is also the birthday of Franz Kafka and D.H. Lawrence…not in bad company, eh?

  9. avatar
    craig | 11 September 2006 at 6:21 am #

    a suit of light that illuminates the shadow

  10. avatar
    (('{~_~}')) | 11 September 2006 at 6:24 am #

    Happy birthday B.Bon!

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 September 2006 at 6:24 am #

    The nicest memory you’ve written

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 September 2006 at 6:34 am #

    If you do not like the train ride that is your life, do not worry. Leon.

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 September 2006 at 7:01 am #

    anon 4.16…”pregnant with your first lay” you say…not a bad effort.

  14. avatar
    metal_petal | 11 September 2006 at 8:45 am #

    Sad about Ian Rilen but more power to him for resisting treatment. I respect that so much. I have watched too many people fighting the inevitable, submitting to treatment that makes them sicker than the disease, and spending so much energy trying to get cured that they forget to accept death. It’s always gonna get you in the end.

    And here’s to all the X gigs I went to in my youth. I will never forget them playing Rock Against Work at the Hopetoun – it must have been about 1989. A great day.

    Thank you Ian, for that.

  15. avatar
    mandn | 11 September 2006 at 9:07 am #

    Peace, tears and oblivion dear Orpehus.

    Peace, tears and oblivion.

    thank you
    Mary

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 September 2006 at 10:43 am #

    Gee, thanks for clearing that up for me anon@3.08pm, the world’s a better place with you in it….I mean that.
    love
    Amanda
    P.S. Hi sk!

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 September 2006 at 11:20 am #

    X are an awesome band. Long live Ian Rilen.

  18. avatar
    Fly | 11 September 2006 at 11:44 am #

    The lyrics to songs,
    really great songs,
    usually ring out of everything
    you say K.

    I saw you on the street today
    I could not catch your eye or you’d have heard me say
    That you look just the same
    But then I realized
    We are not even friends and I was so surprised
    When the teardrops came

    I’m living in the past
    Living in the past
    Living in the past, I know
    But the past is gone

    I can’t remember when
    You didn’t cross my mind and pull me back again
    Into my reverie
    And that’s why I’m living in the past

    And I gaze out the window as the world drifts by
    And my eyes will glaze and I slip away

    And my todays are gray, the seconds tick away
    But if I close my eyes it’s only yesterday
    And I see rainbows surrounding you and me
    But that was in the past
    I know it was the past

    Todd R. – Liars

  19. avatar
    John Garratt | 11 September 2006 at 1:06 pm #

    Let that be a lesson to everyone: don’t try to sneak up and kiss Steve Kilbey.

    John

  20. avatar
    Krissythegroupie | 11 September 2006 at 1:07 pm #

    Whatta day..I was in my second week of college in Brooklyn from suburbia..stood on a roof and watched it all happen..and yet 5 years later I live a block away from there. It’s def a day for memories, and yours are much prettier.

  21. avatar
    lizardlizard81 | 11 September 2006 at 1:14 pm #

    I used to have a bad problem with nostalgia getting in the way of my present: thinking everything that’s already passed was somehow better than what was yet to come. I don’t know if it was 9/11 that cured me of that or may be it was just finally being a ‘grown up’ (I look back now and wonder why I wasted time feeling like that since nothing, up to this point, has been all that great :-).

    I was a freshman in college. The campus cop was watching it in his office. I couldn’t get any clear answers as to what was happening until almost the end of the day. My algebra teacher was too choked up to teach. Went home early. Amazing how blue the sky looked & how quiet everything was when I stepped outside.

    I thought it was the end of the world.

    This entry makes me feel like crying because more than any of the others, I think I know kind of how you feel…

    <3,
    Liz

  22. avatar
    damien | 11 September 2006 at 1:49 pm #

    The image of you rolling around on the floor of some pub wrestling with another bloke is what I’m taking away from today’s blog, Steve! : )

    Oh, and thanks for not pontificating on the date.

    I remember where I was. I was rehearsing with my band. No better place to be at a time like that.

  23. avatar
    veleska1970 | 11 September 2006 at 3:19 pm #

    ewwww…..has it really been five years? i won’t go into the “where i was at and what i was doing” bit~~it’s irrelevant. the least i can do is mourn the loss and remember those unfortunate souls.

    i’m sorry about your friend ian. “still one hopes ian could be miraculously cured..” yes, steve, one still hopes.

    and i hope that you can wear the “steve kilbey suit” for a lot more years to come. the world has been a much better place because you’re in it!!

    lotza love….

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 September 2006 at 4:22 pm #

    “i really thought it
    would go on forever”

    aent
    captures that feeling
    in such an
    exquisite and beautiful
    way

    love to
    everyone

    diane
    xo

  25. avatar
    syrinx | 11 September 2006 at 4:25 pm #

    On this morning I had a comp class with a paper due on MLK Jr.’s “Letter From Birmingham Jail.” We had also begun Du Bois’ “On Being Crazy.” For this class, which was in part on how to write about social issues, it worked out for me to wander around thinking about the paper for several days and then get on the computer and do it full-on just a few hours before class. Percolate with a quick edit. This day like everyone else, I was in front of the tv. Great Warrior called me from work and told me he would be unreachable for obvious reasons since all lines to base were about to jam.

    I was too paralyzed from the images I’d seen to put down my thoughts about injustice and intolerance within my own country, even though they were all there but for the typing. Went to campus anyway, just so that the bastards wouldn’t win. My favorite new high-tech building at WSU was built with a donation from a local Middle-Eastern businessman and bore his name. Groups of foreign students huddled together and looked around with panic. All nationalities. The separation of people into their own little sub-groups like that made the day surreal.

    I took in a hasty, hand-written paragraph on why I had no paper for that day, using one of my two “get out of jail free” cards for that class. For the times you couldn’t meet your deadline.

    Teacher took my paragraph but gave me back my free pass. Just so the bastards wouldn’t win.

  26. avatar
    stealthblue | 11 September 2006 at 4:38 pm #

    WOW, I am not the only one with a birthday on 9/11…alas, I am but another year older today, hopefully a bit wiser as well! Yep, nothing like waking up on my b-day five years ago to see two freaking planes plunging into the WTC. I took the day off and just saw out my lady friend and flipped on the tele. Kinda took the wind out of my sails. My sweet buddies in the band and their girls took me out that night for pizza and beer anyway, despite all the chaos…true friends. We were the only ones in the pizza joint as the free world was unravelling! Kind of a strange celebration, but I was thankful to have such wonderful friends, let alone my life! I pray for the victims and families, and actually all of us as we endure this changed world. But truly, it’s really not that different is it…there are just more people on the planet that war/terrorism affect. I hate the fact that this has to be newly labeled as “Patriot Day” here in the States, I mean, why not “Remebrance Day” or something similar? I love the States, but I just don’t feel any more patriotic or nationalistic because of the tragedy of 9/11, know what I mean? I know most people did not expect it, but that doesn’t mean that it or something similar wasn’t bound to happen at some point in time. It was just so very conveniently planned for this date because of its “significance” I suppose. I alomst wish I was born on the 12th or , even cooler, the 13th ;)!! Now that is a cool day to be born…don’t we all know somebody with this very birthday? Hmmmm, wonder who that could be? he he.

    Steve, even if you decided to try on another suit at some point in the very distant future, I hope, no one could ever wear the true Steven Kilbey variety. That one is a classic and I personally hope you wear it for many, many moons to come. I love you, man!!

    I wish you all the very best in this life. Happy Birthday to B. Bon, yours truly and anyone else who has this most peculiar day as a birthday.
    Cheers,
    Ben V.

  27. avatar
    syrinx | 11 September 2006 at 4:48 pm #

    One year later, on 10 September, I was at a concert in Lawrence Kansas. Beautiful outdoor ampithreatre, and as the moon rose behind us all the singer said this:

    “Wow everyone. Look up in the sky. The moon is incredible tonight. We all know what tomorrow is. Tomorrow, don’t turn on your televison sets. Go outside. Gather close to all the people who matter to you and just love them.”

    And we all looked up and back over our shoulders at the moon. The show went on. And everyone sang along for the rest of the night instead of crying.

  28. avatar
    veleska1970 | 11 September 2006 at 4:50 pm #

    happy birthday b. bon and ben.

  29. avatar
    syrinx | 11 September 2006 at 5:00 pm #

    CONTEST: how to celebrate the future Prime Minister of Bohemia’s upcoming birthday in proper fashion, wherever you are. Points for both appropriatenes AND originality. Extra points for being totally inappropriate in your own personal context.

  30. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 11 September 2006 at 6:02 pm #

    hon – sha – ze – sho – nen to your mate Ian Rilen, funny how CANCER is surrounding all of us, my mommy has got spots again on here tongue…
    mjnjr

  31. avatar
    davem | 11 September 2006 at 6:16 pm #

    Nice words SK.
    They’re all just suits, Kilbey-ones or otherwise.
    When I read some of the posts on here it just helps confirm that it’s (mostly) better to be nice than smart. I think that perhaps it’s hard to be both – good job I’m thick as a thick thing.
    Love you more esskay,

    Dave M

  32. avatar
    Letango | 11 September 2006 at 8:31 pm #

    All those lost moments..
    SK…
    Ian…
    Cancer…
    memory…
    slipping in…
    slipping out…

    I feel weary

    And it was a rainy day today too.

    A faint shimmer
    getting harder and harder to see.

    oh, fiddle sticks.
    Sad day

  33. avatar
    arcturus | 11 September 2006 at 9:25 pm #

    hey steve,just like to thank u for sharing your thoughts.so thanks and love to you always
    arcturus

  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 September 2006 at 12:25 am #

    I don’t remember life (and illness and death) feeling so completely random when I was younger. I always hoped I’d be more accepting as I matured, but… not so much.

    Sad news about Ian. Sad day to sit and recollect why this date is forever seared into my brain.

    Jill

  35. avatar
    mike a | 12 September 2006 at 1:28 am #

    Steve, if I have another life, I wonder what it will be like without your music? Mundane? I wish I could take some of the tunes with me 🙁

  36. avatar
    JJ | 12 September 2006 at 1:29 am #

    It’s coming on again………I can remember everything, all of it, and how the train speeds on through the dark night. We drink a toast to auld langsyne, stretched out on the floor. This song always puts me in a reflective mood, especially with Autumn coming on here.

    I’m sorry to hear about Ian; my good friend Roger is up in Philly right now undergoing radiation for cancer in his eye, which he will lose, joking about interviewing as a pirate at disneyworld – but the joking is hollow. Yes, the final destination is down the tracks. I think about it too. It is sobering to count the ones who are recently gone; Grant, Syd Barrett.

    Next lives, past lives….perhaps so. Good health to you, SK. Keep up the manuka, goji, vegetables and swims. Look at Keef – what does not kill him makes him stronger!

    JJ

  37. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 September 2006 at 2:10 am #

    my mom’s b-day too

  38. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 September 2006 at 2:14 am #

    Listened to Cat Power
    today
    not relevent
    but thought I’d mention
    it made me cry
    cover of Nina Simone
    wild as the wind

  39. avatar
    davidcwelker | 12 September 2006 at 3:45 am #

    yeh, happy b-day everyone, belated by now i guess. i suppose we all went to shed our skin for the sake of looking at something from a diff perspective, don’t you think ? not be held by our own preconceived perspective of things.

  40. avatar
    Centuryhouse | 12 September 2006 at 4:31 am #

    ‘It all goes round and round and comes back to the start’ is a great phrase.

    The idea of reincarnation or some similar rebirth is interesting to me, but I’ve never gotten to speak about it with anyone who believes in it. I’d like to understand how someone comes to believe in it and…why?

    I used to have a firm believe in where we’re going after this, but I haven’t had any belief in anything in years.

  41. avatar
    MarkM | 12 September 2006 at 4:39 am #

    Nostalgia….it’s been eating me up lately. I kinda thought that as I got older that life would become easier to deal with….I don’t think so anymore, it’s getting harder, and looking back too often (as I tend to do)…well, it makes me wish too much for the things and time I’ve lost. Nostalgia is a friend and at the same time a millstone around my heart.
    ….so my nostalgic little heart love those “lookin back” blogs SK…beautiful..

  42. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 12 September 2006 at 4:45 am #

    Thanks Steve. I didn’t know much about Ian Rilen untll your post inspired me to look him up.

    I had no idea Sardine V had so many great and talented musicians. From XL Capris’ Johanna Piggott (co-writer of great tunes like Dragon’s “Rain” and Farnesy’s “Age of Reason”…although I prefer the 2 versions of AofR on the new Dragon acoustic CD “Sunshine to Rain” ), Barton Price of Models fame, and John Lloyd (ex Paul Kelly & Icehouse) etc.

    Ian was also a great songwriter himself.

    From this interview with Ian from a while ago……

    Q You and she (Steph Rilen) co-wrote a song that became pretty synonymous with Hunters and Collectors.

    “Stuck on You”.Yeah, Steph and I played together in Sardine V. I didn’t know she played until I bought a keyboard for the kids and I was writing songs in my room at the house. She just walked by and played a line on the keyboards. I said: ‘Do that again’. Fuck, that was really good. So that was it. How Sardine V kicked off. Didn’t have a lead guitarist, just me strumming away. She did all the melodies on keyboards. I sold my ’56 Chev to buy her a Farfisa. Steph is great. Great lady.

    The interview ends with these poignant words from Ian…

    “I don’t think I’d really change anything. I’m quite happy where I am. And hopefully, where I’m going to go.”

  43. avatar
    (('{~_~}')) | 12 September 2006 at 4:57 am #

    Happy Birthday stealthblue!

  44. avatar
    DJK082067 | 12 September 2006 at 1:52 pm #

    Happy B-day STEALTHBLUE !!!!

    I remember that day now just in bits and pieces. It may be because my mind is attempting to forget the minute to minute details of a day that felt like it lasted forever. And to Hell w/ you Fox News, who just could not get anything right in media coverage. Their est. death toll changed every 30 flippin seconds. I am more concerned with the children, who not only were victims ( and yet never seem to be mentioned) but to their everlasting memory of that day. My son was 10 and watched everything begin that morning on T.V with the crashes. My wife and I where off to work. What was he thinking at that very moment I’ll never know. Blessing to all who suffered loss that tragic day in our History.My wife worked in downtown Chicago in a high-high-high rise office building and during the whole tragedy…all I could think of was if she was safe. I hope that did not come off selfish, my family(like all of ours/yours is the world to me my heart rate was just mest up that day)

    Lets pray that one day humans realize that u can throw away all the politics and religion…and we are all just the same: Blood,hair, skin, and bone and maybe even a soul.

    Peace,
    DJK082067

  45. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 September 2006 at 7:29 pm #

    Steve,

    Happy Birthday to ya…In the words of Bobby D. “may you always be forever young” Much love to you and
    the family…Cheers, and
    God bless.

    Dave

  46. avatar
    drzej | 15 September 2006 at 1:25 am #

    Maximum acceleration …… and I had always foolishly wondered if you were a Foxx fan.

    With friends like these, who needs enemies?

    The windows were all opened wide (but it didn’t rain tonight)..

    Stay lovely.

    drzej

  47. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 April 2007 at 12:41 pm #

    I don’t know Steve Kilbey apart from his work with Church which was another great chapter of Australian Rock’n Roll, and good on you for praising Ian. None of you are wrong, the guy was all you say and more.
    Don’t forget Ian kept progressing and playing long after others had stopped, and he told me he was so happy with the Love Addicts…best thing he had ever done, so wait till you hear the album that they made just before he died,some great songs (and a few duds but so what), the jewels in there are pure genius. He loved Cathy’s bass, Dave’s drumming and duelling with the genius of Kim Volkman’s guitar. If you read his later interviews when asked about the future he said he would not do anything new without his guitarist. We loved Ian because he was truthful, more than anyone I have ever met. Listen to “Wishing Well” on the album when it comes out, everything about it is genius, and Ian’s lyrics say what I knew to be part of his philosophy. Keep enjoying, this wonderful spirit that was Ian was as good as rock gets.

    Steve Loomes
    ps: Lucas has every right to reprise X, he was always Ian’s co-muse and is generous enough to involve Cathy and Kim. Keep going Steve. Finally, don’t ignore JJ’s (Ian’s son) brilliant work. Love to Gentilla, Tallulah and Romeo.


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