posted on September 13, 2007 at 4:20 am

oh boy
its september 13
its my thirteenth birthday
im into music n im into fashion
and im in to being cool
and im in to not getting punched in the head
and im into floral shirts
and paisley shirts
satin n silk shirts
beatle boots
pinstriped pants
and im becoming aware
the adult world is calling harder
there had been a party at greg mcsomethings house
and this party was different
the parents werent there
and the kids were lying around kissing each other
afterwards everyone thought it had been a great party
oh i wanted a party like that!
join the flock said the invitation
n a picture of some pelicans or something
my parents were not into a buncha kids roaming around
in their house if they werent there
besides it was a small boring house
no good for a party anyway
but our next door neighbour had a garage
where hed had some successful parties (for oldies)
and he kindly offered
we took him up on it
we lived in a cul de sac
and we were # 7
the guy next door should be # 8, right?
the guy across the street was # 8
and thats what all the invitations said
so all the kids turned up at this confused german guys house
you can imagine this guy answering the door
no there iss no party here
schteven kilbeys house iss over there
pointing at our redbrick box
the kids drift over to our house a little miffed, i’d say
my mother greets these aussie kids at the door
she talking like the queen
no boys and girls the party is next door
the kids all groan n moan
beginning to suspect the stinker of all parties is loomin’
another kid turns up on our doorstep
whats going on ? he asks
kilbey put the wrong address on the invite
dont you even know yer own address kilbey? says someone else
then my mother gives me baby john to hold
im holding baby john
when trip fontaine the coolest prick turns up
he walks in our house
all duded up in his best party clothes
a red epauletted shirt
bone elephant cords
blue black zip up suede boots
he was coming to my party
on the condition that he was gonna get to
kiss whichever girl was on his menu that night
he wasnt there cos he liked me
he was looking for a spare room in which to pash off a chick
he was looking for some dark space n privacy for a little love
for a little love
will there be somewhere for me n kathy to go ?he asks
sure i had assured him
i mean
i needed him there
he lent a certain flare to proceedings
he was hip and he was merciless
anyhow hed arrived and walked in
seeing me nursing baby john who probably
at that very moment
cast up his accounts all over big brother
(ie: he puked up.ed)
eventually all the kids who had deigned to come
had done the 3 way bounce between 8 7 and 9
and we were all in mr dalys garage
well it was sept in canberra and it was freezing cold
the garage was damp and cold
the windows in it fogged up with our breath
there were a few deck chairs n a lawn mower or 2
there were spare car parts and a barbers chair that
went up n down
jan-jan k from across the road
who was younger than my mum n dad
and deemed “with-it”
had on butchers paper
drawn a big hippy offering these plastic flowers
trip fontaine walked straight in n took em
put them back hissed my mother to him
oh the shame
everybody at the party was very disappointed
it was so cold in there
no party atmosphere…
ive felt more partyfeeling in a graveyard
none of the kids really liked me
the girl i’d hoped to kiss
didnt come
and my mum n dad were there
mum talking like the queen
dad talking like a cockney geeza
i open my presents
the kids resent having to get me a present
it means hounding yer parents for money
and then going out n finding something
for some kid
that you didnt like…i mean
you were only there to kiss some girl or boy
in a parentless warm dark house
not to be in a garage on a cold drizzly evening
one kid called bob steery
he thrusts a dollar note in my hand
n says
but youre not worth it!
mum n dad have devised a party game
which consists of someone under a blanket
having shoes on their hands
and sitting up suddenly
frightening the kids n making them laugh
well lemme tell ya
it did neither in spades
the puzzled kids are like
what the fuck is that sposed to be
meanwhile i tried smoking straws
thats right i’d light a paper straw n inhale the smoke
no wonder im so brain damaged now, huh
finally trip fontaine mounted the barbers seat
pulled his girl onto his lap
and began to smooch
also discovering that the chair went up n down
he smooched n went up n down over n over
even this was pathetic however
in this damp quiet non celebration
in a canberran garage in the middle of a cold sept night
trip got up
proclaimed his disgust n exited
the others made their excuses n took off after him
as my mum n dad n me
carried our peanuts n soft drinks back home, next door
dad says
watcha reckon slim?
did the kids enjoy it?
yeah dad
they had a ball

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