The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

an incredible gang of criminals assembled by a mastermind
to pull off a heist
a caper
a crime so big ,no one even thought it possible:
to kill pain
thats correct
the end of pain as we know it
the destruction of ache
the nullification of agony
bringing only sweet pleasure
the master mind is none other than
you guessed it
me
suave debonair sophistiquated
dapper dan and gentleman jiminy
steve kilbey as george cluey
aka the killer
the big doeppler
captain bly
sonic anathema
dim receiver
wanted for poncing about in 6 territories
+ an unspeakable state
billy the kidder
finally coming good
just in time for the curtains
walk on thru the wind
walk on thru the rain
a riverbank job
the wilde times
spring is hear
when the moon is in the seventh house
and the seventh house is down the end o’ my street
and my street loops round the bay
and youre flying along to your job
and your car cruises past the cenotaph
and you skirt around another crash
you reach forward
you pop something in your mouth
you pop something in the cd player
immediately it starts up
the throbbing headache turn to throbbing bass
turn it up you fool
as you go screaming thru wednesday morning 4 am
alone on the M5
or the A1
or the auto bahn bahn bahn
or route 666
or accelerating down wall street like a daemon
your manicured fingles reach out
you fiddling with the volume
up up up up up it goes
the fuckin’ needles in the red
but up goes the vol
you hit tone…hard
the bass the bass
you swoop into the graphic curve
and you draw a mountain where the bass frequencies lie
suddenly the bass is driving your hart
suddenly you achieve a vulcan mind meld
kilbey coming in
are you kilbey now?
are you a kilbey?
i am i am iam iam
i am steven kilbey
all of you…?
i am kilbey
i am kilbey
i am i am i am
kilbey is driving this car now
you have unleashed kilbey in your tiny mind
and boy its hard to fit all my stuff in here
kilbeys first act as co pilot is to throttle the car
he rips off your tie or your brassiere or your truss or your braces
he undoes all the straps
he flicks every fuckin’ button in yer car ON
he hits overstellar interdrive
a sub atomic lothario
the flying lounge lizard acceleratin’ up neptune parade
i bounce off vespas and mo-peds
kilbey do you have a lie-sense…?
kilbey please reduce speed now
kilbey go back
YOU ARE GOING THE WRONG WAY!
fuck em if they cant take a joke
kilbey…oh no… are you intoxicated..?
fuck no…oh you mean this…dont worry, its herbal
no kilbey thats fungal
kilbey is that peyote?
kilbey is that toluol?
kilbey is that marlybone jelly made from electric heels?
kilbey you swerving all over this cosmic road
kilbey somehow the bass guitar is guided by larks voices
somehow in a parallel mirror-verse where blah blah blah..
and kilbey does rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb
and elrond hubbard goes to the cupboard
and finds tom cruise mistle toes
and arthur rimbaud and ricki maymi walk into an opium den
and the baby wakes up in the back seat screaming
and tim powles is sitting in a tree in samoa
we want samoa singalong the crowd
a drone starts up
a proper eastern ragini bone moan drone
and a radio tunes into some weird armenian malarkey man
like byzantine harry flowers in powys square
jagger holds a fucking gun to my head
i dont know where youre going..i say to turner
yes you do…says turner
or fox
or
arthur rimbaud who says
hey ricki buy me another fuckin’ absinthe
and tom verlaine who has nothing to do with this
i invoke the greats and hope it rubs off on me….
….does it work….?
meanwhile back in sydney
i morosely evaporate in a black whole
in a black mood
in a grey land
its king harvest again
in the dead sand
i watch over you all from the afterlife
i am a fake fakir
i am voodini
i am rumpled stiltskin
i,m drivin’ your car to work
i sling it round the corners
i gun it up the lanes and by ways
my way or the highwayman i did it my way
an empty plastic baggie
the residue of joy dust
the traces of angelfruit
the glory of datura demon
hammerhead it
jack knifed jill
jill jilted and then tilted
jilly morning in spring
this is an automatically generated message
please do not respond
normal viewing will soon be
consumed
slam honour breaks
pullup in the drive
jump out
flick the keys to the frickin’ concierge
here baby you park that sonna fabitch
you stride up the corridor
you see your boss
hey boss you say in yer new kilbey accent
sneering anglo aussie lingo
hey you know some big words now
hey boss yer so lugubrious man….
yeah good morning to you too
you sit at yer desk
you pick up the morning paper
and taking your black pen
you chuckle as you draw mustaches on kylie minogre
and hilary cliton
fuck em if they cant take a joke…eh?
eh? or what?
fuck yeah
in spades, baybee
hey yer gettin’ the hang of it now
switch on yer computer
type in those co ordinates
sk @ blah blah
hey look
we rate number 27 in the whole fuckin’ world
and you
you baybee
you just wrote this whole fuckin bastard blog
and with swearing and everything
go on
use another big word
corrugated
ok
wow
you got it
you kilbey
you go girl
or bouy
you show em
smash it up
send kilbey all your money
after all you are me now
go on
thats it
put all your money in yer paypal
go on
its ok
we are now one
this is you writing this
now
take all that dough
and send it to the ttbs honestly box
thats it
confirm?
hit yes
submit?
hit yes
oh doesnt that feel good
now switch off the computer
go and sit in a park
and read mervyn peake….
await further instructions

i do whatever the fuck i want
(within reason)
i use words
i discard em
i never call again
i climb under insults
i squirm away from compliments
i take on my suffixes like kilbey-esque
i blow my money on cheap thrills that cost a fortune
i trade my cow for three magic beans that never grow higher than one inch
i squander my fondness and wander in melancholy flowers
you remember me, dont you
i sang that song about the distance
you saw me once ..my face printed on a soy milk carton
i was merely a hand trying to touch the hem of jesus’ gown
i was a soldier in viet-nova
i was of bricklaying caste in the eastern subs
i was trying to be all things to all men
but actually i was nuthin to no one
i lost control of my lazy swabs first voyage out
i was too hard
then too weak
i was too hopefully hopeless
then i was plain fuckin bleak
listen here sonny jim
everyone wants some painkiller, eh?
yeah
you need yer fix, i can tell
oh i bet its hurting to have to wait wait wait
first thing that you learn is that you always gotta …..
wait!
ah ya dont believe we’re on the eve o’ destruction?
and the sun aint gonna shine anymore
and youve lost that painkilling feeling
i thought i’d find you banging on my daw
jack of spades in spades
jokerman sings to the croaky olde crow
i see your streaming eyes
i see your manoeuverabilty
i see you trying to find the words to ask
well we’re all hurting …when you gonna realise?
dont try and change me
nothings gonna change my world
you know some pain cant be killed
yeah ask elektra
they cant kill her pain so easy as all that
she said
i feel like my head will burst….
and i
cant think of what to say then
my own in agony
everyone gotta headache
my mother my wife my daughter
my friends holding their temples
tim rubbing on his tiger balm
marty blinded by migraine in some stupid limo
we wonder how matty could endure it at all…
i visit my ex mentor
he doesnt remember me or anybody anymore
he says
youre a very handsome man…you!
(i think he thinks im my dad)
youre a very nice visitor he says over and over
no i’m not…i’m a kilbey
i’m steven!
steven? he says and he laughs
yes steven rings a bell somewhere in there still
in flanders field the poppies grow beneath the crosses row upon row
i recite this bit of poetry to him
yes yes you still remember that, eh? he says
literally a shadow of his former self
i’m glad my dad got out early
i’m glad my dad didnt hang around for this
lifes like a poker game
you gotta know when to quit
ah..but hard to pull out of the game
you cant just walk away from the table, can you
the other players yell out
give us a fuckin’ chance to win our money back
then you realise
youre holding a near royal flush in diamonds
but the filigree diamonds are filched from a ring
and you realise
all these players are BLUFFING
no ones holding anything
two pears
maybe three kings of orient-r
they all silently pay to see you
no wait
some bastard always ups the ante
the ante-diluvian kings maybe
before god tried to drown his own world
when gilgamesh played bass guitar with the garden of eden
and co cain and abel
and lot whose wife was a pillow of sort
did these players know when to quit?
yeah so bass guitar is real groovy
and i got a vegan yah-yah
and priest equals coma
and it was all a conspiracy by the nme
and radio in belgium never back announced us
the guy who signed us up got fired
the day i was released from slavery to fashion
i grew a beard of starfishes and
side burns of fire
yeah you know me now
you want me to kill the pain
the pain of existence
the pain of boar-dom
the pain of this one horse town
the pain of me being steve kilbey
the pain of you not being steve kilbey
all the steve kilbeys in all the universes
that run adjacent to this
and by the weigh
which fucken one is this?
i beg your pardon?
so ok
enough about me
yeah yeah yeah
i got the painkiller for ya
i got it in my apartment not far from here
i got it there
its waiting for ya
ooh yeah its the good stuff alright
ooh yeah maybe i gave ya some bad stuff before…did i?
ooh yeah but this time you gonna thank me
you’ll be looking for me again
i can tell you
i still deliver
look at this
i still deliver
christmas, eve
or midnight seven eleven magnetic heaven
all holy days
and the night of long knaves
i will deliver
i guarantee you will love this product
i hereby state that i will refund your money
no questions asked
if you aint
relieved
of your
existential angst
nero-disorders
twitchin’
bitchin’
masturbatin’
hoopla
shibboleths
hoity toity hooty pooty
crab-lice
door mice
hit seekers
walla wallas
boom booms
and a heavy dose of shimble fucking shanks
all of this and moor
will be cured
within a heartbeast
deductions and conditions may apply
you may be geo-blocked
you may be recorded in the shower for admin perposes
you may be reproduced in a sex tape with photo enhanced penis
your breasts may be fingerprinted for office use
painkiller not available in most places
painkiller not recommended for children or adults
painkiller contains fluro metha oxy dimble quasars
painkiller made without help of jap anese investors
painkiller suitable for domestic violets
painkiller w/aphrodesiac beachside properties
painkiller can have side effects or waist effects
painkiller full of delicious marylebone jelly
painkiller now available in swiss vanilla and bulgin’ chocklette
painkiller hot off the pill press
painkiller should not be mixed with alcohol or methodeine
painkiller may react to the light of this world
painkiller believes in jesus
painkiller would like to thank anton e newcombe
(what…me worry?)
painkiller would like to thank ricardo de los mayo for the biffo
painkiller would like to thank lord von ryper for the 12
painkiller would like to thank wiliam…it was really nothing
painkiller would like to numb polinskis great burden of genius
painkiller is 25 per cent tim north poles
painkiller does not endorse anything
other than the end of all pain
forever baby
and thats a long long time

jamming with my friends
i want to simplify my bass
to the most subtle pulse
a seamless fluid flow of notes
my eyes relay the bass to my bulging brain
these notes should not be played at all
these notes maybe played sometimes
these notes can be played a lot
these notes are root notes
these notes should be passing notes
this note should be slid up to
this note should be slid down to
this note should be hammered on
this note can be part of a bass chord
this note could be bent
this note could be crisply plucked or slightly muffled
this note should be a harmonic
this note is outside this scale unless….
my ears hearing
my slightly distorted ears hearing as well they might
my ears hear and report back to my bulging brain
my ears decide
when its good
i get this feeling
when its bad i get this other feeling
when its mediocre i get no feeling at all
my fingers work quicker than my mind
and it struggles to keep up
its a chicken or the egg situation
whos leading who….who cares….
dont let your intellect interfere too much
but then of course…..
well a bit of nous comes in handy
you learn the rules
you spend the rest of your life trying to bend them
so write me a beautiful rhyme before you go all free verse
learn your scales before you go nuts on your axe, maaan
both bold technique and innovative originality
listen to that genius in all our hearts
he/she knows what to do
as a bass player i seek out the drums
i know nothing of the drums
i cant play em
i cant mike em
i cant record very well
nothing i know
but this is the thing that i must cleave to
this drumkit and i
we work in tandem
oh ho many tandems glasshopper
which one do you have in mind…
i like to relax
after all
im playing not working
im playing not worrying
wow
the drums bring out all these feelings
the drums and the bass have a close dialogue
before deciding what to do
from there on out
they plot a course between themselves
their paths sometimes diverging
but always with the same common destination ahead
the kick drum and the bass guitar enter a procreative marriage
with the kick drum being the male element
with its solid brutal insistent thrust
the bass guitar takes on the feminine
it is free to wander the tonal ranges
it is warm sweet and giving
it responds to the kick drums thrust
with deep receptiveness
the creature these 2 aim to create
is lovely rhythm
a complex child much more than the sum of his parents
the bass is forever thus joined with the drum
and the 2 must learn to share co-operate
and sing together in wedded bliss:
the orgasmic fucking charge of rock….
my bass is the replica of a stradivarius bass
my bass is a sublime and beautiful instrument
capable of expressing the most subtle of emotions
my bass was handbuilt the olde way
thats right….
its a personal kind of instrument…
its easy to play
its rich and comforting
its even
deep and crisp and even steven
even better than the real thing
whatever that was
listen to the bass on “something” by the beatles
a counter melodic masterpiece
booming out
all over the place
emphasizing over and over
the hopeless adoration of the song
the bass seizes moments in the song
and curls through and around them
up seeking light and air
back down to the warm earthy darkness
of the lower reaches
then on come together
the impossibly loud bass
once again in a counter melodic feint
in a slurring sliding riff
that sneers and implies very rude things
it plays all over the song
and
paradoxically locking it down for good
it puts the song to bed
and then ravishes it whole
the bass can be almost everything at once
or it can be a blunt instrument expressing merely thrust or velocity
it can be a mantra
it can be a declaration of freedom
guaranteed by the gilt edged rocknroll bond of liberty
all these things blow thru the jazz man in my mind
like a summer breeze
or a rush of information
that my bulging bombastic brain processes
in some synaptic fury
fueled by huge gushes of pleasure chemicals
exploded in my cortex and pumping into
my head making me
come up with things
my heart
my head
my fingers
my ears
my eyes
my soul
my spirit
my membership in the huge club of humanity
and all that it is capable of
every musician or singer
who ever wanted to create a sublime piece of sonic graffiti
before he disappeared into blissful oblivion
every lutist or harpsichord player
every drummer or screamer
or rocker or roller
or anything else
you care to think of
i am heir to that
all of it is mine to use as i choose
and boy i do choose
and i do
and i paid me dues too
sometimes ya win
othertimes i lose
music is where we touch again on magic
no one really understands how this stuff works
they tell you how
not why
why is this bullshit noise so important…?
beats me…
actually it isnt even important
its like saying
oh breathings important
oh sleeps important
music is a bottom line
dont take my rocknroll away from me mister
here take my money
take my friends n kin
but dont take my rocknroll
the consolation of the common man
the panacea
the painkilling shot of hot bass throbbing in your pit
feel that music rushing thru your vains
feel that narcotic repetition signalling imminent take off
listen to that bass now
and take your hat off boy when youre talking to me
i am a veteran of the bass wars
i have the scarred ear drums to reprove it
i have the callused and callous fingers
i have poured my soul into my fenderbass
some times it never returns
locked in the wood and metal and grime and sweat
forever
forever baby…
and thats a long long time…..

white sands
grey sky
is this a forgery…?
can this be trusted not to….
forward then
dunes
the lakes
interlocking
surface ripples run away
dark shapes glide underwater
sift through the shifting sands
shells in green pools which are each a universe
the rain
the gentle gentle rain
the rain falls so softly
so abstractly
like fingers on your skin
skyfingers make you shiver
you see your reflection
here the lake is your mirror
oh you are you are you are….
its you
the sudden panes of your eyes
the certain planes of your cheeks
the lines radiating outwards
you you you
the word becomes meaningless
reiteration: you you you
you are me
me you me you
him
him
kilbey for now
kilbey for short
kilbey its you i write
though stupidly
because i as him is you
because
i
as
him
is
you
the clearwater delta
the sweet cleaves to the salty
a sign
welcome
says the sign
it swings there in the slight gentle breezes
the rain makes soft sounds
yes a kiss i grant you
morning is a document
i unroll it unevenly
welcome says that sign
welcome to
life after
life park
and i see the rates
it reads
mon to thurs
with its prices
and fri to sun
with its rates
and its special offers
i turn
and 2 girls are at my side
2 wonderful cheerful angels
day and night
or
yes and no
or any other resolvable opposites
we are looking down at the sea shells
and i stoop down to look closer and closer
at the shells
some unbelievable careless god has strewn here
some half mad old master who has turned his hand to shells
all in black and white
zebra striped
and curved
and parallel and
forever curving round and round
day picks up a shell
holds it to her ear
and listens
how does it do that ? she asks
i dont really know i say
she laughs
is this gods work? i ask
of course she says
yes of course it is says the other
the girls treat me like a boy
i must be an old man by now
but they treat me like a boy
we stand on the beach outside the park
people have got caravans and cabins
and the trees grow wildly all over the place
i wonder …i say
yes yes…they both say
what is it that you wonder…?
i wonder if this is the place…?
the memories are vague
what was once solid is now transparently gone
what was once with is now without
what was all about was…..deep within
the afternoon stretched on and on
morning had been a brief candle
but this afternoon was omnipresent
this afternoon was indeterminate
it was vague and deliberately vague
it was not for living in
it was not for being anywhere
and yet i had wandered beneath its pines and its palms
in amongst its treetops
in its tracks and its gullies
i had stumbled through the fern and the bracken
like a real interloper
ignore the signs i had said to no one in particular
we climbed up a deep treed hill
all alive with flame flowers and flame red parrots
you two are my crew then i said
yes yes they say
yes thats right….
and they laugh to each other
what has changed? i wonder
because something sure seems like
it must have changed
we march up and up to the top
we look out over everything
the lakes ripple away like electric pianos
the sea is almost black under the steel grey sky
the metalwork sky
the clouds boil up and the soft rain still falls
the streams trickle in the afternoons sides
those two sit there at the summit
looking all around
its like a real holiday isnt it ?one says
yes it is says the other
the angry cruel and merciless sea
oh yes
always you are there
at the back of everything
like the north wind
like a friend who makes you do stupid things
stay away from the sea
never turn your back on the sea said the sign
dangerous currents read the sign
no swimming it said
who would want to swim today ? said one
not me said the other
we watched the sea
kilbey and me
and the child
and the other child
but each child carried the shadow
of yet another child and
another other child
and i was becoming confused
i could not remember to whom i had said what
and whatever it was i was saying
the girls and their distant doubles
who had sent them then….?
we sat at the deserted picnic tables
i wish i had something to eat i said
what would you have? asked one
i would have a sandwich and a drink i said
me too said the other
that would be good said the first
but we sat there
sandwichless it seemed
somethings rustling in the undergrowth
whats that ? says one
i dont know says the other
they both look to me
maybe pygmies i say
listen for the * of their blow pipes
(kilbey makes a sound like thhhwah )
this sound amuses them
they walk along for the next five minutes going thhhwaw!)
that doesnt sound like a pygmies blowpipe says one to the other
oh? says the other sadly…doesnt it…?
not at all says the first with much authority
suddenly they both appeal to me for my boys decision
obviously even a very old boy like me
knows more about blowpipes than these little angelic companions
it doesnt does it says the first
it does, doesnt it says the second
4 eyes watch me
now weve got you …say both girls together
i could not bear to disappoint them by choosing
and we let the matter go
although the other one occasionally went thhhwah
and the first one would tut tut and roll her eyes
and we would all smile at each other warily
what else lives in these bushes ? they asked
snakes? said one
spiders? said the other
wolves i say
really? says one
of course not says the other
we all stood there wondering
lions and lambs i said eventually
but the lion would eat the lamb they both say
looking perplexed
no
i say
this time he would refrain…
we decide to walk into the caravan park after all
its allright says one
they wont mind says the other
an old lady suddenly comes bustling out of a van
hello hello she says in her whispery voice
i wanted to stay for a while i said
she looks at me up and over
her black eyes drink me down
like a cup of tea and a packet of bex…
just you ? she asks softly
i look around for my friends
who seem to have wandered off
oh i suppose so …i say
i reach in my pockets for money
but i find nothing in there
except a few still sandy shells
oh you can pay me later…she says…afterwards….
she shows me to my van
i unlock the door and climb in
it is still and warm inside
a contemplative silence
this darkness
the hillside of trees
the vaguely dawdling afternoon
the gulls wheel way on high
a school of fish has just surfaced in the lagoon
a bunyip stretches out underwater and yawns
the sand glitters even in the oncoming late faded day
in my caravan kilbey lays on the bed
the girls sit by his side
talking to each other
sometimes it seems they speak another language
sometimes they seem to be english or american
sometimes they communicate in furtive gestures
and soundless mouthing of words
oh look she left some cake for us
and a cup of tea..
they drink the tea
they eat the cake
its delicious says one
its de-luscious says the other
i sit up and look in the mirror
the mirror in the little wardrobe door
the mirror doesnt register me much
i see some tanned skin
some freckles
mousy wispy hair
beard
only the eyes make any impression
but its a mistake i suppose
maybe he cant see that well anymore
maybe hes not looking into my eyes after all
he seems busy
he seems jumpy like he has something better to do
he seems tired
he seems not to be myself
girls chatter chatter
youve written this story before says one girl
with the gulls and the fish says the other
the caravan and the park…
the 2 girls….
the waning afternoon
the low ebb of the gentle rain
the alone-ness without the loneliness…
without the emptiness….
yes youve left the emptiness behind you now
no not yet …oh, i dont know….
a deck of cards on the table
show us a trick says one
yes a trick says the other
i sort out the aces kings queens and jacks
dont ask me how this works it just does
there were 4 old ladies….still quite attractive i guess
i say
and i lay the four aces down
they come to an inn
and seek shelter
the innkeeper puts them in a room
no hanky panky he says
whats that? says the other one first
never mind says the other
then 4 old gentlemen , you know still handsome..
i lay down the kings
they get a room across the hall from the old dears
no hank panky says the innkeeper
then 4 young ladies
i lay down the queens
then 4 young men
i lay down the jacks
all in these four rooms
no hanky panky
they all go down for dinner
i pick up the cards
put them together
on the way back to their rooms….
a blackout
please cut the deck…
one cuts first
then the other
they gaze on at the cards
solemnly
and this is what happens
in each room appears ace king queen jack
oh no they all say
as the innkeeper comes marching up the stairs
suddenly another blackout
i pick up the sixteen cards
please cut
one cuts
then the other
when the lights come back on we have…voila
all the people are back in their right rooms
and look
ace ace ace ace
king king king king
queen queen queen oh no…
a jack is among the queens
and a queen has slipped among the jacks
the girls giggle
i like it better that way says one
did they get kicked out? asked the other wide eyed
how would he know? asked the first
because hes written this story before…
the afternoon
warm weather
the reeds whispering
the old lady at deaths door
the blue cranes
the crow blacker than black
the sky now greyer than ever
greyer than ever after too
ever after all that
the mauve berries that glow on black trees
the giant soldier ants running to and fro
a cascading brook
a meandering creek with white lilies and crooked willows
fish drift with the current towards the sea
the rain fills the creek
the creek fills the sea
the sea rises up as steam
to fill the clouds
to rain down once more
same and different at once
circles
cycles
the snake swallows its tail
we appear
we rise
we fall
we are reabsorbed
we appear again
i tried a piece of cake
yes
it was delicious