this september ttb will be writing exclusively about musicopinion fact fiction reviews and memories screening unseen excepts from the t.t.b. vaultsrecording live new songs on my web cam …while you watch…yes thats rightseptember will be total music month here at t.t.b if you havent alreadyand IFyou can afford to….please subscribe generously lovettb management and staff
this september
ttb will be writing exclusively about music
opinion fact fiction reviews and memories
screening unseen excepts from the t.t.b. vaults
recording live new songs on my web cam …while you watch…
yes thats right
september will be total music month here at t.t.b
if you havent already
and IF
you can afford to….
please subscribe generously
love
ttb management and staff
from the moment that wriggling spermhits that deep ovumand somehow you manifestand you get a nameand you get a numberand you get a mummy n dadand you get a schooland a dogand a friendand some more friendsand a girland a carand a bass guitarand you get some wordsthrow it together in a songand you sing your songand you get a fanand you get a audientsand you get a big chequeand you get nice carand you get a holiday and you get a hitand you get a missand you get another missand you get a habitand you get a bad reputationand you get bad teethand you get arrestedand you get cleanand you get betterand then get going againand then you get another habityou get more bad reviewsyou get droppedyou get leftyou get dumpedyou get ignoredyou get in debtyou get used to losing stuffyou get on a losing streakyou get forgottenyou get dismayedyou get depressedyou get way behindyou get angry and angrieryou get bitteryou get carelessyou get fucked over and overyou get downyou get stoned you get drunkyou get problemsyou get sickyou get remorsefulyou get lostyou get it all mixed upyou get a noyou get a negativeyou get a short straw n a long faceyou get yourself into more hot wateryou get a new placeyou get a new wifeyou get some new kidsyou get a chanceyou get a blogyou get some readersyou get some commentsyou get some exerciseyou get some yogayou get some blah blah blahriding you a letteri shoulda known bettermy autoblography
from the moment that wriggling sperm
hits that deep ovum
and somehow you manifest
and you get a name
and you get a number
and you get a mummy n dad
and you get a school
and a dog
and a friend
and some more friends
and a girl
and a car
and a bass guitar
and you get some words
throw it together in a song
and you sing your song
and you get a fan
and you get a audients
and you get a big cheque
and you get nice car
and you get a holiday
and you get a hit
and you get a miss
and you get another miss
and you get a habit
and you get a bad reputation
and you get bad teeth
and you get arrested
and you get clean
and you get better
and then get going again
and then you get another habit
you get more bad reviews
you get dropped
you get left
you get dumped
you get ignored
you get in debt
you get used to losing stuff
you get on a losing streak
you get forgotten
you get dismayed
you get depressed
you get way behind
you get angry and angrier
you get bitter
you get careless
you get fucked over and over
you get down
you get stoned
you get drunk
you get problems
you get sick
you get remorseful
you get lost
you get it all mixed up
you get a no
you get a negative
you get a short straw n a long face
you get yourself into more hot water
you get a new place
you get a new wife
you get some new kids
you get a chance
you get a blog
you get some readers
you get some comments
you get some exercise
you get some yoga
you get some blah blah blah
riding you a letter
i shoulda known better
my autoblography
spring arrives in shivers n blustershere on the island in the seathis isle is full of noisesthe screeching of small things in the canopythe parrots chatter all the lazy daythe river winding awayi am becalmed in my headi have run aground on some stupid reefi stare out to sea for a ship that can never arrivethe white englishman against the blue skythe black crab against the rockthe yellow sand against the deep seai can neither sleep nor stay awakeall my body seems to gently acheand my dreams torment me with hopeless struggles i shoot into the blacknessi fight off the pillows in the nightthe afternoons try to secede greedilythe afternoons which refuse to endleaving me weakened and exhaustedmy brittle nerves all dangled n janglingand apprehending everything into saturationi do feeble deals with myself….if only thisorif only thati mutter to myselfand i envy distant people in faraway timesand i daydream about a solid darknessthat warmly enfolds meand banishes the hounds that dog me doggedlymy shoulders sag under the weight of my heavy dead headso full of lonely thoughts and confused touristsso empty now of joy or peaceanger wells up in a dry compassionless deserteverything i see or hear stings my dry cold skini must be finally turning into a snake i lie in the sunand it only makes me dizzyso i stagger into the briny oceanwhich shocks me senselessthe weather suddenly changes againthe clouds race across the skya warm wind starts to breatherespiring relentless gusts of sand and griti blink and cannot thinkmy voice is cracked and discolouredmy songs have fadedmy words are uneven and meltingi wait for some wonderful pleasurei wait for some miraculous eveningi wait for some heaven to swing low n pick me upi wait for krishna to come n take me for a strolli wait for jesus […]
spring arrives in shivers n blusters
here on the island in the sea
this isle is full of noises
the screeching of small things in the canopy
the parrots chatter all the lazy day
the river winding away
i am becalmed in my head
i have run aground on some stupid reef
i stare out to sea for a ship that can never arrive
the white englishman against the blue sky
the black crab against the rock
the yellow sand against the deep sea
i can neither sleep nor stay awake
all my body seems to gently ache
and my dreams torment me with hopeless struggles
i shoot into the blackness
i fight off the pillows in the night
the afternoons try to secede greedily
the afternoons which refuse to end
leaving me weakened and exhausted
my brittle nerves all dangled n jangling
and apprehending everything into saturation
i do feeble deals with myself….
if only this
or
if only that
i mutter to myself
and i envy distant people in faraway times
and i daydream about a solid darkness
that warmly enfolds me
and banishes the hounds that dog me doggedly
my shoulders sag under the weight of my heavy dead head
so full of lonely thoughts and confused tourists
so empty now of joy or peace
anger wells up in a dry compassionless desert
everything i see or hear stings my dry cold skin
i must be finally turning into a snake
i lie in the sun
and it only makes me dizzy
so i stagger into the briny ocean
which shocks me senseless
the weather suddenly changes again
the clouds race across the sky
a warm wind starts to breathe
respiring relentless gusts of sand and grit
i blink and cannot think
my voice is cracked and discoloured
my songs have faded
my words are uneven and melting
i wait for some wonderful pleasure
i wait for some miraculous evening
i wait for some heaven to swing low n pick me up
i wait for krishna to come n take me for a stroll
i wait for jesus to put his holy hand on my bony shoulder
i stand at the cross and angry roads
my sign says : will work for hedonism….
no one stops
no one travels these unbeaten paths
where the asphalt beach meats the neon jungle
where the rich italian guys drive up in their immaculate jaguars
where lone sharks aimlessly drift
and the warm but heatless wind sings in the window
near the room for rent cafe block with the empty fashion tat
and i feel myself slipping
not into dream
not into consciousness
not into blackness
but some nauseous universe all warped and sliding
every point unfixed
no certainty no attachment
may be you are mad i say to myself
but then i’d be talking to myself i hear myself say back
imagine i can read peoples minds
but my own has been locked up
and all my stuff chucked out
and exploded all over every universe
there is no where to hide
no where to go
still i await pleasure
even as the ship goes down down down
down to the bed with a shining glass sound
the palms sway in the damn wind
the fingers dance against the keyboard
type type type
type type type
type type
type
the written wordslips from your fingertipslike sandthrough the handsof old father timeyou seebefore youthe mirrorthe screenthe could-be and the has-beencomedytragedycocaine or heroinevery opposite merges in itselfthe old and the youngmale into femalenegative and positive back n forthchildren sometimes laugh n cryat the same/timeso close are all oppositeslofty mountains turn out to be deep ravinestears of joytears of contrite sorrowmy western world has warpedthe coincidences have become jokeslike a pawn moving on jagged diagonalsrisking everything on a handful of nothingcant trust love n hate…at the extremities they feel almost the samelike cold water feels scalding like being burnt by icelike day jar voolike premonitionsand the telekinesis of the losing streakoh i give it to you straightonly there is no straightonly circlesonly the revelation of emptiness at the heart of everythinganother paradox….some see this as the null n voidto others the blissful extinguishmentupson downesround n roundtruth out of liesfact beyond fictionthis is my areai mine this vein it is mine to mine even if in vain sometimesi absolve my self from responsibilityto anything other than my work in any mediumthe mediums i have masteredthe mediums i have not masteredi put my name to iti put my face to itits a songits a pictureits a little videoits funnyits sadits mediocreits inspiringits sillyits hilariousits propheticits patheticits batheticits ripeits tripeits oldits boldits this its thatits a load of old hative heard it allstill you wont deflect mepraises or blamesa hundred biographiesor a three second pan in the gutter pressall the bitter old croniesall the gushing young nongsall the phony symphony hogwash n shite n bollocksi am kilbeyi am everything you all say i am and morein spadesand in heartsi persevere and i prevaildont you see i am a charlatan who also happens to be the real thingthats why you gotta love methats why i need […]
the written word
slips from your fingertips
like sand
through the hands
of old father time
you see
before you
the mirror
the screen
the could-be and the has-been
comedy
tragedy
cocaine or heroin
every opposite merges in itself
the old and the young
male into female
negative and positive back n forth
children sometimes laugh n cry
at the same/time
so close are all opposites
lofty mountains turn out to be deep ravines
tears of joy
tears of contrite sorrow
my western world has warped
the coincidences have become jokes
like a pawn moving on jagged diagonals
risking everything on a handful of nothing
cant trust love n hate…
at the extremities they feel almost the same
like cold water feels scalding
like being burnt by ice
like day jar voo
like premonitions
and the telekinesis of the losing streak
oh i give it to you straight
only there is no straight
only circles
only the revelation of emptiness at the heart of everything
another paradox….some see this as the null n void
to others the blissful extinguishment
upson downes
round n round
truth out of lies
fact beyond fiction
this is my area
i mine this vein
it is mine to mine even if in vain sometimes
i absolve my self from responsibility
to anything other than my work in any medium
the mediums i have mastered
the mediums i have not mastered
i put my name to it
i put my face to it
its a song
its a picture
its a little video
its funny
its sad
its mediocre
its inspiring
its silly
its hilarious
its prophetic
its pathetic
its bathetic
its ripe
its tripe
its old
its bold
its this its that
its a load of old hat
ive heard it all
still you wont deflect me
praises or blames
a hundred biographies
or a three second pan in the gutter press
all the bitter old cronies
all the gushing young nongs
all the phony symphony hogwash n shite n bollocks
i am kilbey
i am everything you all say i am and more
in spades
and in hearts
i persevere and i prevail
dont you see
i am a charlatan who also happens to be the real thing
thats why you gotta love me
thats why i need you to love me
but understand this
my one virtue is this:
i dont easily succumb to the zeitgeist
and my mind stretches out to all perspectives
and you can call that a grandiose sickness
or you can call that astral quickness
its just dusk in the window to me
get your head around it
come to your senses
this is not a poem
this is not a film
this is not some broadway impro try-out
this is not a slow dissolve or a backwards fade
i swallow the same life as you
but i sing it back as a song
my songs career thru this world
your world is your world
but your world is one of many to me
and from those worlds
those almost worlds
i bring you back things
crude unfinished chunks
and finely wrought beauty
and traditional forms
and clumsy artifacts
and halfdone dreams
and polished knives
and all the rest
i have always existed
i have always existed outside
yet i have always existed inside
i can say anything and i probably wont
we are all looking through different lenses
i love you i hate you i care i dont care
i’m good….i made some people happy
i’m bad….i made some people unhappy
i’m confused
yes, thats it
i’m confused
tell me
who ever told me the truth
i cant believe everyone and
everyone listen
theres so many everyone in my life nowdays
look in everyone
the genius n the fool
in most mixed up
in me separated
in two congealed blobs
each wresting control
but both harnessed by my work
i indiscriminately let that fool run amuck
because , well, to tell you frankly
it amuseth me
and well
i tried all that mystery malarkey and
to use a boring word it was boring
after a while
and as i approach uncertainly certain death
as do we all of course
and knowing that is our heaviest burden
therefore
and in light that this is my scrapbook
my impressionistic diary
my confessional
my noticeboard
my little chatty bullshit lounge
my little chapel where my followers mayest come
actually its whatever
whatever whatever whatever
and i am the time being
you know what that means to you
you may not know what it means
but you know what it means to you
you dont have to read or watch
you dont have to agree or disagree
i am a medium level artistic freak
i am constantly improving
i will make mistakes
i will make great strides
i will continue
insult or injury
rewarded or acknowledged or no
no dice
no sugurlamp
no cigar
i have read several reviews of u 23 that say
its the best album EVER made
i read others bitching n moaning about it
me myself……fuck…ive already moved on
i’m still plotting my compleat lyric book
and editing together my jackfrost movie
or my next blim blam blom
you like my little films…?
you see me manipulate my elements
a true jack of all trades
a true jack of diamond geezers
tricky with words
handsome to boot
velvety voice
old n revered
who cares
not me
i never lost control….
ground control to major time being
TELL MY WIFE I LOVE HER VERY MUCH….SHE KNOWS!!!
expect the unexpurgated unexpectable
i stumble on regardless
tomorrow guest singing on some record
the next day abusing my illusion of disillusionment
i am all over the shop
but i am gloriously me
me me me
ha ha ha
wo wo wo
i rock to the east
i rock to the west
every body here know
my heart is in the right place
or how else could i have arrived here
here among us
among us brothers n sisters
among us, the living and the loving
the loving made
made mad by loving love
or whatever
yeah
and thats for sure
steve kilbey
antarctica
south X south
