The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

side on

this aint the northern hemisphere

and here summer rules in royal blue and bursting green

the surfers surf

the dealers deal

the users use

the bills hit your  letterbox

damp from the torrentials

my back courtyard is an alluvial plain peopled by bugs and ants and spiders and snails and slugs

the plants go on growing

the cactus out from thorns spring delicate unanticipated flowers

i smoke my weed i swim my laps i meet my friends

i struggle with my money

i get behind on everything

i get confused by everything

my mother has finally succumbed to forgetfulness and is going out now

on a wave of mixed up memories

the cafes are full

a new one seems to spring up each day

and there are the cashed up geezas and their bints

sipping their java and munching on the smashed avocado on spelt bread

that night they will drink boutique beers and snort some heavy cut coke

through a rolled up ubiquitous fifty dollar bill

they will watch net flix and order a svens pizza

they will go to a bar where they have to shout over the music

i have forgotten how i arrived in this place

here in this peaceful warm bedroom where i sit and type and type

there was music there was drugs there was violence

there were crowds there were cops there was sex

there was  a limo and an ambulance

you were rich poor in the middle totally bankrupt

its always summer

you pickup your girlfriend in your datsun 120b

you could get your bass amp cabinets in there

dad always puts too much chlorine in the pool and your eyes are always red

your nose is crimson with sunburn

russell and johns hair has been bleached white by the summer and the chlorine

you go to a record shop where you can stand in a booth while they play you records

you dressed in thongs you dressed in levis cords you got a western shirt

you drive down the coast to cabins and caravan park

you have poached eggs on toast  and chips for dinner

there was a full dress rehearsal

there was a police interview

there was a morning in darkness

and an evening in light

there was a time nobody knew you

and a time everybody was reading your name

you were parked in a lane off wellington st

someone had gone in a flat with your money to get you something

they were taking such a long long time

you were pushing the twins up a steep hill on a hot day

you were listening to caroline says

lou reed was softly crooning

when she takes speed they laugh and ask her

what is in your mind?

what is in your mind?

she put her fist thru the window pane

it was such a…funny feeling…

there was a 10 dollar cd shop and you lashed out on strange music you didnt understand

you shopped at the IGA and the local corner store where maurice worked

you had a wife and a bunch of kids and a station wagon car

you read the kids to sleep at night

and you and your wife were happy

there was a cheque there was another bill there was a demand for payment

there was booze and there was cordial and there were frozen soy ice creams

there was mercyndol tablets and doof doof music coming from below

i walked the kids to school and then i had a swim

i got in a plane and i flew to america

i got in a car and i drove to a show

there was a standing ovation

there was a complaint

there was a bonus and there was a deduction

there was nice room there was a hovel

there was lsd and there was passion pop

i lost most of my hearing and vision in one eye

my hair was thin

my teeth fell out

my skin now old

i paint a thousand paintings suddenly out of nowhere

i write a thousand songs

i eat a thousand meals

i go to doctors dentists and solicitors offices

i go to banks and bus sheds and terminal A

i go for walks and acupuncture and i do yoga to indian music on my balcony

my eldest daughters go to school they get jobs they become singers and models

my other daughters go to school they leave school they have boyfriends

my cars get booked they rust they fall apart they get taken away for scrap

i am in the details

there was a nasty argument

a hand went thru the pain

there was blood on a towel

there was not a person waiting around for you

the summer burns on into night

you buy lollies and eat em as you plod on up yer street

the shots have blurred

the snaps are stale

the words are mechanical

the chances of winning almost nil

the surveillance camera twitches in its nest

your numberplate makes you easy to find

the keys jam in the locks

the screws turn within the bolt

they lock you out and out and out and out

the line goes taut

the line goes dead

someone on the other end just an electronic bark

the reception is patchy

the freezer has thawed

people can hear you shouting down the street

when cars slow down looking for a park

and the sea at the end of the street like a dark green undulating field

and someone explains some new dismal thing which has just happened

and the weather forecast says no rain as you stand there getting drenched

back at home past present future split

the 3 ways forward and the 3 ways backwards

the trap the snare the jaw the imprisonment

the feint the blow the weave the woof

the girls who wrote to you said theyd do anything for ya

the men wrote to you told you where to go

in the the grinding miasma of my twisted dreams where I’m skewered side on

in the temporary hold on my credit

in the grease left on the brown paper by the cake

in the stuff that wouldnt wash off the plates

in the indentation of where you lay against the sky

in the febrile thoughts in hypnogogic states

in all the nameless nights that lead up to lent

and the characters you cant type out with your alphabet

and the dumb ideas your stumble upon with your thumb

the dalliances with some countess of the scene burned numb and snow blind

and the saint who helped jesus score

and the cat who shot up achilles

and the guy under the fluro who looks like a spook

and the sad ladies who sit there with empty eyes from crying

and the angry guys who have believed all of the lies

and the disappointed children trying to make everything all better

the bats chattered hidden in the trees

australia loomed out of every ion

there was a faint sweet song on the breeze

i sit at the keyboard i type type type

my brain fires off in sequences

all its knowledge spat out at random

my dad had a lovely woody smell

the column shift on my mazda was clunky

i met a girl at dickson pool and kissed her as it began to rain

i ran around a tennis court at night

i tripped on mescaline and remembered all those other lives

and i pierced the thin veneer of civilisation

and i lived a hundred years in a few hours

and it was 10 01 pm

sleep was taking me down

my thoughts become cloudy and condense

the memory of brilliant nights

the agony of separation

the used car place lit up at night all empty

the motel with sea-views and pool. AC .colour tv

the grey fences rotting away

the smell of seaweed upon the beach

and the seabirds that pick thru it

ocean city or malibu or brighton or bondi

its summer and its dressed in a black cloak with stars

and its limitless horizons stretch out to the shores of her heaven

its romantic down the back of the club with that tiny sweetie

oh steve she said

i just want you to see what you are doing

in the dull glare of a fake candlelight i know i had one too many

1 2 many

in the chatter and buzz of the stupid nightclub

where im sweating like a horse

my face is quite red and my pupils are huge

my white shirt looks good with my tan

i pretend to be skinnier then

i order a platter of fruit and more champagne altho by now in underground carpark

ive lost my ticket and the waiters have all gone to bed

round at your place someone in the shower says

i’ll be out in a minute darling forever

and then when you go in theres no one even there

youre tired now as fuck as your old eyes dim over with mist

you lay down in the forgiving darkness

afraid of the dreams that are brewing in your once brilliant mind

you burnt out your clutch with too many revs

you slipped down the charts and there was nothing you could do

people ignored what you did it didnt matter anymore

at night when you lay down you rush out of your head

you fly round the city and you see all the people

its lovely to fly i feel young i feel free

i hang motionless over my own place

and i watch you writhe in your sleep

you shout out for justice and snatches of conversations

you grumble about bastards doing better than you

you crumble before dawn when you wake up aching

in the blue lake of the light fighting off Insomnia

walking down by waves as the sea raves inside your shell

des pear

in the darkness before i was born

in the oblivion that spawned me whole

again and again

to sing to steal to hammer my bass

where the vortex sucked

and the whirlpool engulfing

before i was me

before i was you

before i was all of them

in a moment of capture

in the high resolution of the first rays of knowledge

as the magic attacked my bones and i lost my mind

and i lost my mind at a servo

and i was swimming in the blackest sea

and stuff was grabbing at my legs

and women were slapping me around on the end of my leash

and the eternal eludes us of necessity

and the impermanence of absolutely everything you can name

it was lovely to sink into it all

they were singing lovely music in my ears as i sank fathoms

it was my dream it was my life it was all made up

and yes i was earnestly hemming away the evening of silk

and i was moving away from the light of the day

and i was fixed on a star and set over the city gates

and the people at my shows shook all their heads

anxiety was riding high on a roll

the lightning jabbed the horizon

the thunder fell down on coogee beach

where the shadows are suntanned

and within the whispers you can hear the sea

the summer had us by the scalp

and the hairdresser did the blonde streaks with a sneer

and the magazines were so way out of date

and the cigarette smoke curled like a beggar around a coin

the screeching tyres and seagulls on arden street

its a fish n chips kind of night

i glide on the wheels of imagination

through the surging crowds who have come to guffaw at the cafes

and their little dogs who startle and yap

and some powerful ferrari throttled round the car park

and the gardens with fresh laid sods withering underfoot

and i wandered to your door where you stood with a candle

and your door was blue like my eyes

and the paint was white like my beard

and your skin was browner than my skin

and your soft tread and we walked down your hall

and your room smelt of the rain and the storm

and it was 100 degrees that night

when suddenly the rain came down again

whipped across the sea by some infernal monsoon

we smoked your drugs and i played your guitar

i wrote 3 songs on the spot and forgot em all

and i sat in the banana chair on your balcony being splashed ever so gently

you were on the phone to your mother

yes yes it was christmas eve

i remember the way you touched my face

and said ‘one day this will all be gone’

it was only a film they were making advertising the new melancholia

we were actors being paid to pretend to be here

we never met

they added us on much later and separate

i was the audience and i applauded myself

the lights came on i was here in my bedroom

in the light of my computer my freckly skin shudders

im writing a story to amuse some anonymous reader

my clothes are a mountain strewn on the floor

i have codeine and sleeping pills on the black table

perfect stranger asleep in bed

a garish shaker bought for 3 dollars

headphones and receipts and the relics of another life

getting slower and slower with the weight of the years

getting dreamier and dreamier as i wade towards the end

as the sea pool closes its doors for another day

and somebody likes a photo i posted

and somebody listens in to all our thoughts

and somebody else doesnt know or care about anything we do or say

and somebody else is obsessively hunting us all down

and the voice in another room is silent

and the piano by the shore is saying something more

the huge sweep of the vaulted night marbled by clouds

i walked in the lamplight by the sea

searching for Echo who taunted me