neg
when I woke up the air in the caravan was sacredly still
Kathy had slipped outta bed without waking me
it was slightly raining outside
I lay there listening thru my damaged ears
only making out the faintest pitter patter through the ringing on of 5000 gigs
I looked at the objects she had collected from the shoreline
I smiled as I realised the significance of each thing
and why she had chosen this shell from a plethora of shells
why she had picked up that little bit of smooth green glass
she had arranged the objects like a garden on the window sill
god it was still and quiet this morning
in the early morning rain everything was hushed
the sea crashing on the shore muted in the thick rainy air
I sat there eating a bowl of cornflakes with rice milk n Manuka honey
I was in my cut off jeans and t.rex t-shirt
the rain stopped
when I went outside she was sitting in her deck chair reading an old newspaper
ha ha she said i’m reading an interview with this actor
and he’s saying that he’s so happy with his new wife and he thinks this is the one
and it’ll surely last forever..
and..? I said
well they broke up a month after he said all this stuff…she smiled sadly
and tilted her head on one side questioningly before a soft sigh appeared and was gone
she shrugged her shoulders and sorta squinted at me
well..?
we both shook our heads
she was dressed in my white shirt that was old and very big on her
as some crickets started up somewhere in the bush
and a crow called cawing up in the air
next to the beach was a system of little rivulets that we would wander
a helicopter flew overhead momentarily shattering our idyll
the sky was warm and humid and overcast
dreamy dreamy days passing in a watercolour hazy place
the residue of memory other times other places
the sweet snow that falls upon us as you sleep
the startled egrets that suddenly lift
the shadow of remorse that dogs all people not just me n you
we sat on the banks of a stream
it was not possible to know where the sun was in that sky
the nimbus hung down like a cosmic blanket softening everything
the still water was dark occasionally disturbed by some fishes ripple
there were flowers blooming in colours out of a Childs paintbox
there were dragonflies and languid bees
I sat with my arm around her shoulders
her smell was warm and fragrant in the thousand hours of that morning
how you feeling..?
yeah she smiled and tilted her head
as we looked into each others eyes there was an ineffable subtext
her eyes asked my eyes questions
to which my eyes could not lie
she searched my mind for awhile
peering in as our gazes were locked in the thousand seconds of that minute
she rushed into my head and took down everything I had had arranged
a dopey fly landed on my arm and I flicked it away
her smile was a half smile but the eyes were still gazing
we sat on the bank and the soft rain began again
I don’t care she said
its nice isn’t it…I said
yeah its kinda erotic
ha ha
its kinda sensual then
whats the difference between sensual and sensational..?
its both…
ha…
the raindrops were so delicately crafted
they were tiny miniatures of raindrops
and they evaporated and left you kissed but strangely dry
the rain touched us Kathy but it left no trace
we felt no need too talk much it sounded much too loud
I was singing some song to myself
even in my mind I get the words wrong to my songs and everybody elses
it drives people mad but I coddle myself by saying its endearing
I want to dive into your ocean..
at that very moment I knew she completed it in her own mind
is it raining with you..?
we looked at each other
how did you do that..?
we walked away into a field of blackberries
the blackberries were delicious
but oh fuck I got pricked by their nasty thorns like a clumsy bear
the tiny rain fell on n on
the earth received it gratefully
the birds were singing in the close distance
if the world was indeed spinning there was no sense of it here
there was no ulterior motive behind anything
the creatures did their thing
the elements were beautiful exorbitant colours
the sky such a lovely mothering grey
the humans observed as humans were meant to observe
we observe each other
we observe ourselves
we observe our observations of the world
when we went back to the caravan she put bandaids on my leg and fingers
oh my poor man you been in the wars she said from within her permanent dream
we drank a cup of tea and she read the newspaper again
I rolled a joint
the morning stretched out in my imagination
I didn’t ever want to go back to Sydney
it all seemed like another life
in the little caravan by the sea
all those machinations seemed improbable
she knew what I was thinking
and she nodded and smiled and went back to reading
it was only ten o’clock
it would never be yesterday