i murdered a million words

and perverted the course of sentences

i bang on about silences until i am shouting at nothing

i hold my tongue and bite my lip where i should be aloud

i terrify myself in the darkness where i begin to vibrate

i forget whoever i was

it really is the most inconsequential thing

nullification seems like a dream to me now

the bleakest shore at dusk a boat leaves in the mist

the crew row and groan as the lash finds their back

i am oblivious

i am gone

i am nowhere

i am no more

in my anonymous niche in a warm stillness

turned into energy that bolted instantly away

turned into finest ash a solemn vase

turned into memories that immediately start to fade

turned into a dead end off a lonely street

youre not alone says a voice beside me somewhere

a comforting voice a soothing voice

a voice that speaks without any words

a voice you needed no ears to hear

i look around wildly theres nobody there

this is a trick hisses my old broken heart

and i walk on forever before the voice speaks again

saying my name with such a collective sigh

like a hundred women in stygian tragedy ululate me gently

the coils of the snakes

the legs of the ladders

i plummet clutching 1000 pound notes

yet the earth does not rise up

i yearn for some clean warm creature to take me in

something bigger and softer than me

something kinder and better that i cant see

something to nourish me with nepenthe

and sing me to sleep

i want to sleep

let me go to sleep

yes yes says the voice again so close to your ear

go to sleep my little darling 

a warm gentle hand on your forehead smooths back your hair

ssshhh says the voice with the sweetest breath

like summer evening in a vanilla chalet

like hay in the sunshine

like the mouth of a river

sleep sleep sleep urges that faraway voice

and finally

you are safe from everything

and then

you feel yourself expand