tomorrow the twillies come
9 30 in the morning
if youre out at sydney airport
youll see anxious daddy n 2 doodles
waiting for los twillies identicales
anna miranda jansson kilbey
elektra june jansson kilbey
(15 going on 27 says their mother)
minnas been hit in the face with a hockey stick
and an outbreak of pimples
poor minna arriving in oz with bruises n zits
minna has a lot of nicknames
the little cutie (from when shes wassa baby)
glow-worm
minni-bu-de-bum-bum
minnamala
skinny minny
choopa chinnick
mini-stroni
she reminds me of that actress
god i cant think of her name….uma thurman
minnas always been slightly smaller than elli
and tends to be victim to ellis bully
eg
its usually elli who gets minnas white jeans dirty
or borrows her handbag with all her stuff in it
you see ever since the twillies were born
theyve been imposing on each other
stealing the others thunder
raining on the others parade
the twillies actually go to separate schools
so little are they enamoured with being identi-twins
most of the kids at ellis school dont even know
she hassa a sister let alone identical twin
did i tell ya bout the time
minna being thoroughly pissed off with elli
and her unscheduled borrowing
turned up at ellis school
dressed as elli, flirting with the boys
n being cheeeky
people thought it was elli…how were they to know?
elli is the most like me of all my kids
she looks like me
she can act like me too
restless, flippant, iconoclastic
easily bored n argumentative
both the twills are doing ultra-well at school
almost straight As
its been a bit of a bad year for the twills
what with their cysts n their mums tumour
(had one op….waiting for another)
elli is kinda blase about everything now
a little distance to protect herself
the twillies speak with swedish accents
but their english is almost perfect
when they fight n argue its always in swedish
a loada yibber yabber sometimes followed with a slap
elli wont stop taking minnas stuff
n minna wont stop being outraged by it…
do they love each other?
yes
do they like each other?
not that much
its easier for the doodles
cos no one mixes em up
they aint identical
everyone knows evies the one with curly brown hair
and aurora with straight blonde
they know who they are
actually theyve always gotten on better than the twills
neither of them is dominant or even tries to be
whereas elli has always tried to dominate minna
the doodles were playing in their room for hours yesterday
no arguments no fighting, just co operation n fun
the twillies seem to incense each other
and they come to me with problems even solomon couldnt unravel
daddy she kicked me
but daddy she took my blah blah
no daddy its my blah blah
etc etc
when doodles carry on
i say
thats it!
or im gonna smack both yer bums
but you cant say that to the twillies…
you have to listen patiently to the endless petitioning..
daddy make her give me back my blah blah
quite frankly
im an olde guy of 52
i aint in the mood for all this gurlie malarkey
i dont care about yer squabbles
get it together!
n shuttup!
all that arguing n bitching makes me feel pressurized..
i just want a quiet life….ha ha ha…with this bunch…?!
so you can just imagine them arriving..all 3 of them
elli, minna and their perpetual argument
it makes me so sad….
unfortunately as well
elli n minna are deep into the goss rags n teen glossy-tripes
if you wanna know what kevin federlines wearing today
or some other idiots favourite colour
or why tom cruise-missile dropped lucy lastic
just ask the twillies
im geeing myself up here…
im so looking forward to seeing em
and you know what
the twillies dont pull no punches when it comes to me either
daddy i hate that silly music
when i put on bobby dylan or pink fluid
no daddy dont wear those clothes..
daddy how can you be tired..its only 3 in the morning…
then theres all the argy bargy between twillies n doodles
different alliances
random bullying
freezing the doodles out when its teenage stuff
all the carry-on you could imagine between
7 year old twins n 15 year old twins
and scarlet…
i know shes gonna get pulled around, pushed about
then suddenly abandoned
well thats life in a big family, kid
thats the bad bit bout being the baby
the twillies are gonna kill her with love
then suddenly lose interest if lindsay lohan comes on
(whoever the fuck that is)
so ya see i got my work cut out for me
its gonna be noisy expensive n exhausting
ok
i think im almost ready…
bring it on!