the time being awakes
from a deep troubled sleep
trying to do some impossible task
some mystery achievement
i awake in a small dark room
outside a leaden sky
world drained of colour
then i remember
as far back as my thoughts will go
a town called utrecht
we were a little late hitting stage
but it was good
now no more than a distant set of images
playing n singing
technical troubles
all i ever wantd to see etc….
then find hotel in darkness
check in
try to call fambley but no luck
wanted to talk…never mind…
next day yoga n qi gong in hotel room
big spacious room
lovely bathroom
the sort of bathroom youd look forward
to using every day n night
a powerful stream of hot water
a nice range of bing-bangs for washing etc
thick ole towels
a hare drier
anyway have brekky
the boys from hs7 are down havin a very hearty
(meaty)
brekky
hammy miss pammy
bacony bacon
pressed meaty weaties all speckled with yrchhh!
anyway
my word theyre lovely guys
n a very good band
if you aint seen em yet
you will be surprised
i do wishh however
they could sort out the food
n the ciggies
or they aint gonna be rockin
in 20 years time like yours truly, julie
i mean
cmon
you cant rock on meat n cigs when ya nilly 53
that having beeb said howe ever
your lowly time being has been gorging on euro bread
n euro chockies….totally unvegan, megan
im sorry
at most places i been havin tomato soup n chips
or fries or pomme frites or whatever
predictably and including not swimming
even in this short time
the beings mortal frame has suffered
no exercise
just sitting in cars
like after brekky yessaday
well i had muesli n soy milk
the soy milk i procured for myself from gig last nite
but i also had 3 bread rolls with delishus jammy
i never would eat that at home
in other words im getting fatter again
after five years progress
undone by a weak week or so of chockies bready
n hanging about
or driving
driving the van
when did i sign up for this lark
a hundred n fifty on the auto -barn
jokers in porshies goin past like im standin’ still
the van has little torque
tho it has plenny of talk
sometimes i get stuck overtaking a truck or something
n i become a bottleneck
holding up a thousand of deutschlands most impatient ninnies
who beep n gimme fingers n arms up
as they rocket past
after our olde nag has finally gotten past
yipee!
and sunday nite drivin along
seeing all the happy familys
driving home to warm well appointed houses
in some leafy tolerant suburbia
with veggie restaurants n people who clean up
after their canine friends
and i wish n i dream
if i was livin’ in that flat there
if that bloke there was me walkin’ along
if i was driving that beemer full of kids
if it was me riding along on a bike
holding hands with me girlfriend on her bike
the way they do in holland
anyway
i feel kinda temporary n lonely
driving thru a terrible traffic jam that meant
crawling at 1 k for about 20 ks
and its a manual…..
we stop at first place in denmark
i order chilli burger without meat
they still charge me over 20 aust bucks for it
n a platey of chippy whippies
wow thats nasty even for bondi
we drive n drive
through the gloaming
i get in back pull a blanket round meself
n ipod on
smoke some dutch herbals
but still feel empty lonesome n blue
we arrive in arhus denmark
worst hotel ever
like a network of tiny cells
like a jail cell for not so naughty crims
its suicide hotel
its joyless cheerless
prefabricated
its still a hundred aust bucks a night
everything in here is pale green
my phone didnae werk
i wanted to call nk…
march down to desk
wheres me phone?
gormless clerk: its there
no it aint
gc : yes it is
i go back up
no it aint!
gc : listen im ringing it..hear it ringing
maybe so but its dead at my end
gc: why you want phone?
what? you cheeky rascal….
i wanna call my goode wife
gc : please to use payphone
but i justa arrived ni got no danish crowns
i wanna use the phone in me room
gc :another room then
but i must come with you n i must serve all the other disgruntled
people inevitably gathered here expecting a semblance of accomodation
and instead have found this disgusting shambles of a place
n its hopelessly gormless desk clerk
among them mwp whos trying to park the van
hes arguing with gc
i hang around glaring
i guess he finds me the better bet
than an angry mwp
he starts calling me steve
hes not danish
hes some weird mix of a whole loada things
he speaks a weird soft english
and he starts a little conversation on the way to the room
unfortunately the time being just grunts n shrugs
being uninterested in this banter
he lets me into room with a chuckle
i let you have their room he says almost under his breath
i dont venture to ask who they might be
i hope not mwp n tiare…..
but now i have two singles pushed 2 gether
and no upper bunk bed
(can ya believe it)
pick up the phone says gc
i pick it up
ah …a dial tone
the gc grins
there you go steve he says in his soft voice
im sorry i was so…..ah…..you know…i say
he says yes steve this was my first week on the job
oh i say dismayed
he goes back off to fight mwp
when i pick up phoney to call tho
when i hit 0 for outside line
the phone makes a sound like a prisoner has just escaped
a whoo ooo eee ooo whoo ooo eeee oooo
im just about beside myself now
off i go
marching thru the tv area where hs7 are setting up a smoke screen
back to front desk
where poor man is in deep argy bargy with mwp
who hasnt been able to park van for almost an hour
let alone getting into a room
if they had a picture
of the word “beleaguered”
they should have this dude
anyway i rudely interrupt this argument
it wont dial out
he jumps behind desk
and fumbles with computer
i dont know why steve he says
i march off in a super huff
n then i explode
JESUS FUCKEN CHRIST!
off i go to my room
take off clothes
what can i do
i lay down on the plank of a bed
knock knock
i explode
who the fuck is it? i scream
its him
oh no
i jump up n pull my pants back on
stumble to the door
“i just want to say i dont know why n i am sorry steve”
great i say
you got me outta bed for that?
(remember it was 2 a.m. n i’d driven 12 hours)
can i call your wife for you in america he asks
no i say
just go away n have a good night …
i imagine him ringing nk would give her a fright
hello…in his soft voice
please hello is this steves wife…? in america?
no itd blow her mind
i gotta do something about this phone tho
boy i hope hes gone home by now…
i started likin’ him n then i couldnt be so angry
ha!
i need to call twillies re arrangements for sweden 2morrow
tonite its arhus
a completely unknown quantity
we’re doing ok in copenhagen
but malmo aint sold many tix
i have no idea what we could mean up here
its a gamble
as per bloody usual