my glasses have broken
and these cheapies are killing me
instant headache
with my big head thats a doozie of a whopper
supersize that headache
add neuralgia and restlessness and anger
suddenly my printer dont print
i explode in useless laughable frustration
a ninny having a temper tantrum
how tedious
how bored i am with myself
how confused i get taking this wearisome meat thing on again
just like any old 2 sides
diametrically opposed
hurling insults
right?
the carns and the vegs
except that
while it goes on and on
millions of sentient creatures are being killed
mmm
sentient
able to feel and perceive things
yes yes
thats me
i can perceive and feel things
i know that
cos i hate pain and i can feel that
i hate grief and ive felt that
i fear an untimely death and i feel it always
i must be feeling
that i can perceive at least something
its self evident
im human, arent i?
yes i am
and i know humans
i know humans must feel pain and grief and fear
because i do myself
and i know another thing about humans
even though pain and grief and fear
are the very worst things
humans will inflict them on other humans
of course we do
even though we dread these things ourselves
we have inflicted them on others since time immemorial
how do we do it i wonder?
then i see into myself
i see an inherent willingness
to accept tragedy more easily
if its not in my country or neighbourhood
if its not happening to my people
the ones who look and talk like me
if its not happening to my friends and family
or people who live like me
thats why a terrible train crash in england or the u.s
will get more coverage than if its in india or africa or asia
its us and them really
the young vs the old
men vs women
allies vs axis
rome vs carthage
whatever
and each side
a rationale of dehumanizing the other
so you can do whatever it takes to vanquish em
you tell yourself :
they dont feel it like i do
but they do
maybe you just turn off :
ok i know they feel it but i dont care
or you lie to yourself a terrible lie :
it doesnt matter if they feel it.
funny after all the wars are over
we find out the enemies did feel it after all
just like us
yes they were heartbroken when their cities destroyed
yes they wept for their dead
yes they were glad it was over
we become friends
form an alliance perhaps
against new enemies
whom we can dehumanise
until we vanquish or are vanquished ourselves
that is history
people go around the world clobbering each other
not do as you would be done by
the golden rule
numero uno
before you do anything else boyo
on this planet
here is your number one instruction
do as you would be done by
surely all laws extant can be boiled down
to this one common sense axiom
and just imagine
a world where people always stopped and considered
how would i like it if someone did this to me
ok
another thing
we have been handed a very human presumption
by our parents in their ignorance
and their parents before them
and so on
us in the west i mean
i exclude hindus jains and many buddhists from this
we are given to believe
that the golden rule may be disregarded
if we are talking enemies or animals
and furthermore
animals dont count
except our doggies and cats
all else is here to be used however we see fit
whatever…its ok…its an animal
it doesnt feel it
in the sense “we” do
but i say that is a lie
i say that is a rationale justifying torture and murder
the sort of thing you wouldnt want yourself
being as that may be
it was perhaps easy to understand
hunters in various times and places
having to from necessity
perhaps
killing and eating individual animals
however
we are no longer talking about that
we are talking on an incredible scale
millions and billions
and not
walking through the woods until hunted
but an entire life
denied any of the basic things
a creature
any creature
might expect from a universe
from a world that hadnt gone totally crazy
from a time when maybe a little bit of justice prevailed
a creature might expect
to be allowed to remain with its mother
not to be mutilated or murdered
not to be separated from others of its kind
not to be denied freedom for its whole life
not to have its offspring torn away
not to be branded or broken
you get the picture
i would want all these things
i am a creature
i expect other creatures feel like me
i see mothers go to any length for their offspring
yes they do
human mothers
lioness mothers
kangaroo mothers
no less
cows
sheep
pigs
i see no reason to suspect that they dont feel it
in their own way
its not my way
but then
no body feels it the same way exactly
not even identical twins
people tell you fish dont feel the hook
thats bullshit
people think animals dont have feelings
thats bullshit too
people tell you even if they do have feelings it doesnt matter
more bullshit
just like war is fucking bullshit
bullshit we have been conditioned to accept
would you like to be killed in a war or a slaughterhouse?
would you like it for your friends and family?
if you answered no to those questions
yet you eat meat or advocate war
then you are fucking with the golden rule
and you are attributing other creatures
less right to live than you
is a human life more important than a cow?
only to a human
if you could ask a cow i doubt it would agree
of course everything wants to save its own skin
i dont know
to me
it takes a big pair of balls
to think it all through
and still say
fuck justice
fuck the planet
fuck karma
fuck all the other creatures
fuck my heart and my conscience
fuck the golden rule
fuck steve kilbey and his preaching self righteous rant
i eat meat cos i like it
i aint gonna stop
not only that
i will antagonise criticise and ridicule
anyone whos got the gall to speak out
slaughterhouses?
fine
as long as their outta my sight
and i can just buy my frozen gizzards and rumps
or get my meat lovers pizza with lamb balls
who cares?
OR
i would be a veg but
(choose a convenient rationale)
* steve kilbeys falcon is worse
* i need b12 (someone said)
* sam neill said we’re sposed to eat meat
* im married to a meat eater
* my dad was a farmer
* im anaemic
* i need blood cos im a woman and we menstruate
* i need blood cos im a man and we”re redblooded
* i need meat cos im growing
* what about the tibetans who eat meat?
* what about the screaming carrots
* vegs are self righteous so i’ll go on eating it
* it tastes so good
* i was veg once but…um…
* what about the poor?
* what about the trees
* there wouldnt be any cows if we didnt eat them
* i only have white meat
* i am practically..just a bit now and then
* its un australian or un american
* im not gonna do what kilbey tells me to do
* what about being a junkie?

ok
thats it
go ahead
comment about your ham sammich
its really funny
no really
what a comedian
ha
great
see ya round
like a rissole