i see some you think the spider killed me
but you know
im tougher than spiders
tougher than heroin
tougher than plane crashes
tougher than….
ow! i just stubbed my toe
well
nk n girls drove me to airport
tibor our car is having overheating problems
(the falcon is named tibor(pronounced teebore))
and an unfortunate set of (hopefully temporary)circumstances
has rendered us broke beyond belief
anyway
everytime i say goodbye to my family
i get worried case i nevva see em agen
i really do love em to bits
and today
the woofle seems so big n bouncy
evie doodle seems so robust and energetic
aurora doodle seems so laidback n humourous
and natalie mcwife seems so……
well this sposed to be a family blogg…
and sydney itself seemed so warm and soft and home
the airport bit was ok
i heard a guy in line saying
“oh i love airports”
i swing round n say
“how many times’ve you flown?
he says
“oh this is the first time”
gee
i tell thee very straight
there are many many many gay men around
everywhere
its gay mardy grah
in sydney
and bondi beach is covered in fabulous beautiful bodies
all men…
a lot of these guys have perfect worked out muscles
the heteros on the beach are all saggy flabby skinny weedy oafy
but these gay guys (most of em)
theyre an amazing glimpse at how the human male body
has the propensity to be sublimely gorgeous
like a stallion or a cheetah
how strange!
when i was a kid
it seemed that the muscley guys were the uber-butch hetero-types
and the skinny effeminate types got sand kicked in their faces
and their girls stolen
but on todays beach
the butch guys are mostly in bad shape
i think the reason for this
is complicated
n
beyond the scope of this blog.
being a sydneysider for a long time
with the largest gay pop on earth
i neither love em or loathe em
theyre part of the scenery just like us breeders
we coexist mostly in harmony
so with that in mind
the punning side of me
always wants to yell out:
remember visitors
bathe between the fags…
but i guess that would get more than sand kicked in my face
so i just sit n stare at their abs n lats
(cmon bring on yer closet gay diatribes anon)
anyway the plane to melb and back was very gay
and so what?!!
it was a smooth flight both ways so im happy
met at airport by nice geezer gary
not yer stereotypical vegan
but a real aussie locksmith bloke
tells me sad story how his wife had ms then died breast cancer
(he called cancer jimmy the dancer)
she was 42
i felt very teary
feel impotent with rage that this happened to this man
why lord why?
then we discuss ways of tumbling safes and picking locks
get to gig
they told me northcote town hall
well it was
but i was playing outside…
note to everyone who ever wants me to play
NO MORE OUTSIDE GIGS EVER AGAIN!
it was that worst melby weather
burning sun n cold wind
i made sure i could rant as long as i wanted
i asked the organisers
go for it they said
i did my first couple of songs
the guitars gone outta tune outside here
the sound is weird
only halfway through gig does guy find reverb button
n it comes on real suddenly
i get him to demonstrate all his reverbs to crowd
anyway i rant n rave bout vegism
from all angles
the spirit enters me
and i rant n rave loquaciously
im fucking good
i aint no dry proselytizer dishing the facts
n i aint no militant nutcase either
im a fucken renaissance manne
whose speciality is the eng lang
and im holding forth on a subject
i have been pondering for almost 40 years
eventually i dont wanna play very much
its feels stupid to go from impassioned plea for mercy
into
oh and heres a little pop song too
so eventually i seem to be just talking n talking
the main organiser of this whole she bang
an american lady called patty
was standing right in front of me
and shes smiling and giving me encouragement
a blonde lady even older than me
comes up n asks me to announce a meditation session
i ask her old she is
sixty
are you a vegan? i ask
yep
you know the crowd cheered
she really looked good for her age
slim n natural blonde hair
i mean you could see she was sixty if you looked close
but if you knew her when she was 18
you still would have recognised her
she still looked like herself
thats veganism folks
the only real solution to ageing gracefully
anyway i continue my rant
suddenly another tap on shoulder
a short squat woman is telling me
“you got ten minutes left
youre preaching to the converted
play some songs instead”
i just fuckin see red
(rightly or wrongly)
i do a horrible shortened stupid milky way
n i fuck off from their non stage
the organiser hastens after me
and assures me im the best speaker she has EVER seen
after 6 years of these gigs
ok
but that other womans got me in a cold rage
all shot through with self doubt
i mean maybe i was raving….?!
person after person comes in to reassure me
but that short wide bint has ruined my day
ah the fickleness of ego
and the achilles heel it has given me
i chat to a girl pastelling the pavement n get some tips
i meet my youngest fan outside the woofle
who was karla(carla?)
then i had vegan waffles n an iced stimulator
(phwaargh!)
actually it was vanilla cashew milk
thanks to con n kathy (cathy?) n luka (luca?)
nice to see md n donna
n princey n her friend whose name i always forget
even after all these years
fly home and im knackered
karin comes over
twillies have been misbehavin’ theirselves
oh my oh my
go to bed n sleep like a log
today is today
funny bout that

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