wake up
write a blog
kids get ready for school
i have some shredded wheat for breakfast
weather wilde and woolley
everyone must get a big kiss goodbye from the woofle
set off
doodles usually enjoy a quiz on way to school
or they enjoy it
when i shut my eyes
n gotta guess which ones hand im holding
(the twillies liked this one too…
and were much harder to tell apart)
sometimes they like 20 questions as well
anyway i say hey doodles
what does the word eerie mean
something to do with your skin? says one
ah its a ….er…i dunno a kind of cat ? says the other
no it means spooky i say
oh…they both say disinterestedly
ummm i say
what does basalt mean?
i dont know and i dont care ! says eve
uh dad, i don’ wanna be a walkin’ dictionary …says aurora
ok you little gooseballs im gonna listen to my ipod i say
good! says eve
aurora shakes my hand like its a done deal
and the doodles converse amongst themselves
about something interesting…
strangely enough
they both wanna hold my hands
so im walking along listening to ipod
with a 8 year old girl in school uni-form on each hand
nattering away across me…
drop em off at school
get a kiss
over the road
down towards the beach
across the lawns past the palms and pavillion
the usual tramps and groups of sweaty wives working out
all dressed in their leotards
stepping up in down on a kerb
or boxing with the instructor
on the boardwalk im listening to
horror of horrors…stevie nix
jesus
stop dragging my balls around
i used to sing back in the day
ha ha ha
there was a girl in a band in canberra
who thought she was stevie nix
and when her band did rhiannon
the chick’d run around with the little cloak
just like stevie did
only it was ok in the mega dome in la
but it was hilarious in the harmony-german club in canberra
have you ever seen a women taken by the wind?
thats why i always say
blow me down!
anyway im listening to stevie n don henley
by time i get to pooley
reflecting on love songs
i mean the girls in all the old sixties songs..
i mean the “she” who was just seventeen
in 1963s i saw her standing there by beatle-boys
shes gotta be 63 or 64 now right?
is her look way beyond compare still?
(maybe, if shes a vegan)
did he ever dance with another?
maybe…
i get to pool
into sauna
theres always some characters in there
today an anxious looking skinny chick
and her boyfriend
who looks like he came straight from amazon jungle
they whisper to each other but cant hear language
gee its hot in here tho
its like a bloody….sauna
the sauna looks out over the pacific
and north bondi headland (i dont live there!)
which is real pretty
grey overcast sudden glimpses of sun flashes of blue
surfers traverse the deep
people in pool go up n down
body builders in gym
women do yoga
people sit on balc drinkin’ cappo bloody -cheenos
people get massaged
a school turns up
and its funny how all the little boys
stand in the changeroom gawking and giggling
at the grown-up mens wedding tackle
occaisionally a teacher rushes in saying
hurry up jared get changed
or
liam, i told you not to do that
or
jack, miss boom-boom is looking for you
i jump in pool
i swim up n down
breast stroke one way
freestyle the other
it alternates between boring and mesmerising
i jump out have another sauna
do qi gong on the deck
walk home buy some bananas n dates for my smoothie
we decide to go up the junga
the junga is bondi junction
which sits about a mile or 2 away from the beach inland
and up a big hill
the easterns subs are very hilly..
it has the largest mall in the southern hemmy-sphere
gee
and also has fed-ex kinkos office
wherein yon slacker fucked up my tube
we park in underground bunker which gives me horrors
i take woofle to fed ex
natalie goes to do grocery shopping,
at fed ex office woofle sits patiently on counter
for about 2 mins
before she gets down and runs around
dismantling the little displays of stationery n stuff
meanwhile i explain my story to guy there
he tries to understand and care
i tell him i have 6 paintings in a white tube
he goes and finds a picasso print
is this it ? he asks hopefully
then he rings a number
aha
a heavily accented lady comes on
aha
natalie had told me a heavily accented lady
was looking for a mr “kibley”
from fed ex…investigating my case…
gave her my email address etc
hello steven i m looking after your case
yes…i say ..but i didnt get your email i say
i sent it she says
this lady is quite good at english
i say quite good
because im sure english is a hard lang
for people from wherever shes from
(i say where are you anyway?
she says im offshore…….!?)
but she is not the person
i want handling my case
i tell her all the details
how i had the tube
how the slacker said hed put it in the fed ex tube
he said but there werent any right now
yeah yeah sure sure hed do it later he said
i had a premonition as i started the car outside
that he’d already forgotten
everything….
going into great detail
and an impassioned plea for their return
halfway thru my speech
i get the distinct sinking feeling
that shes non comprehendo mosta what im saying
why cant people who do these jobs speak english adequately?
surely thats not asking too much…
half the customs officers in the us cant speak english properly
well i could hardly communicate with em any way
and im english so i guess that means something, right?
look i dont care if the cab drivers or the shopowners
or the restaurant guys or the whatever cant speak inglese
but if you dealing with folks on the phone
re important details like immigration or sending documents etc
c’mon…!
anyway
although she called me steven
she had sent my email to sevekilbey@gmail.com
not stevekilbey@gmail.com
she couldnt see anything wrong with that
i realised my paintings were doomed
look just put all in email she says
i wanna speak to your superior (i think to myself, but dont say)
then i imagine
i could get
someone even worse
ah harro seve i am supelior…what is plobrum?
so
i say ok
but
still havent re”seve”d email
so…..
blah!
took woofle round junga with me
shes getting increasingly stroppy
culminating in a display of yoga right in front of escalator
thats right as people were getting off a crowded escalator
the woofle was going between dog position n upwards facing dog
while her confused and bothered old daddy tried to get her to move on
one guy stops and has a real good laugh
shes actually really good he says
and i start laughing too
seeing the funny side at last
the woofle
to cap off her performance
takes the bottom of her t shirt in her mouth
and pulls it tight
while having a maniacal expression in her eyes….bravo!
then its mostly tears
as i drag her to an art shop for a can of fix
finally down all those other escalators
to find mummy on the lowest level
its more and more crying
till finally
as we got off the last escalator
i put my foot on her foot
i pull her hand upwards…giving her a stretch
and i stumble over
with my woofle my cans of fix and radiator coolant and stopleak
what a sight
woofles really crying now
when nk appears from grocery shop
she flies to mummy glad to escape the brutal imbecility of daddy-o
and is spilling the beans on how i hurt her and where it hurts
we come home
i have a sleep
wake up feeling real groggy
a can of berry v wakes me up
nk goes to school get doodles
woofle wakes up
angry to find shes woken up
with dear sweet soft mummy gone
and angry busy stupid old daddy left
nk n doodles come home
only thing to silence angry woofle is to put on a dvd
she is insistinging on the wiggles
which i absolutely abhor despise and revile
but hey
its still better than woofles guilt trip and recriminations
that im not her mother…
then at 6 30
the twillies swan in for dinner
the twillies have evening jobs now
and it gives them a slightly new swagger
i have to watch what i say in front of twillies
cos one olde fogey type remark will have em up n at me
they insist on swearing and talking about gory films theyve seen
going into lurid detail about murders n blood n guts
the doodles eyes are like plates
im trying to get the twillies to tone it down
ahem…girls please ..this is the dinner table..
but it goes from worse to worse
recounting all kinds of things in colourful language
reminding me of myself at 16
trying to shock and somehow proclaim my indy-pendents
but at same time seeking approval
its complicated
anyway
i didnt blow it tonite with my
“im not having that in this house” malarkey
they come in my room
elli prints out a load of stuff she doesnt take with her
minna gets out my art supply stuff
wants a “good” bit of paper
and then never finishes it
they both swan off into the night
beautiful self centred teenage girls
you gotta take what you can get and let em flow
cos you cant impose yer own aesthetic or ideals upon them
doodles go to bed amidst teethcleaning and protests
i read to them from northern lights
which is one zillion times better than hairy potter
and nk n i watch an episode of the american office
in which michael n jan levinson go public with romance
its squirmingly embarrassing n very very funny
but when its all over
the woofle is still stubbornly awake
she aint going gently into that goodnight
so we 3
me nk n woofle go to bed earlyish
woofle is still gently carrying on as i fall asleep
and shes up first thing this morning when i wake up
good on you woofle
24 hour surveillance service
we’re watching you daddy
eventually everyone is up n about
ah
another day