there once was a pool of lives
oh everybody knew about it once
and everybody who swam in it
came out changed forever
which life do you want , sonny? coughed the hag
as i stood there awake and dreaming
the dark water swirled and ran away underground
the hag sat patiently waiting for my answer
i want kathy and dad back …i finally blurted out
ashamed to find myself crying
the hag cackled and rubbed her bony hands together
oh ho little master any life will lead you to them…
then it doesnt matter then…i said…does it?
oh yes it matters…she said
oh yes it does matter she said
do i take off my clothes…? i asked
oh yes boy…plunge into your new life naked
she watched me lasciviously as i undressed
and she winked at me rudely
go on boy jump in over there where its deep
the water looked cold and uninviting
quick before i change my mind and demand a kiss…or something..!
i closed my eyes and i jumped
the cold shock of the water made me gasp
it was like icy fire
i started to go down at once
struggling and kicking for i did not know how to swim
i saw the hag above through the surface
reaching through it to me
she was screaming something
i felt her hands clutching at my wrists
but i was too heavy and she was too weak
shes trying to save this life i thought as i drowned
this life
that life
i thought as i gave up
it was nice to give up
as if all my life i’d been struggling to stay awake
and now i could finally sleep
i tried to open my eyes but if i did it was still black
i tried to feel the cold water
but everything felt rather pleasantly soft
which life witch life i mused sinking or rising
i must be dreaming i dreamed
i saw some things behind my eyes
dreamy scenes
at a childs party on a lawn long long ago
i wasnt really there
it was a drawing someone had done…maybe kathy
no…i was there and dad was there too
it wasnt exactly dad though but he talked like dad
no maybe it was a painting someone had done for a calendar
for the merry month of may
i thought about aunty may with her blue black hair
i thought about little canoes with lanterns in a film i saw
i thought about a story with a dead twin
i thought about a picnic with my sweetie in a forest
i thought about the white flesh on her back
and her earthy aroma
i thought about an old man looking in a mirror
at the ruins of his youth
i thought about musical instruments
how i would love to play and sing and dance
i thought about death
i wondered if this was death then
if i was a drowner
if at this very minute
the hag was going through my discarded clothes looking for coins
and our little empty house
and about lost children everywhere
just wishing and wishing they were back at home
and wishing that their father was strong and kind
and wishing their mother was soft and sweet
and wishing they had a sister like…..
i struggled to remember her name
i could still see her behind my minds eyelids
with her sandy brown hair and everything
remembered how she looked sleeping
how she loved to wake up and find it had snowed in the night
i tried to hold on to her face
but other faces were superimposed on it constantly
strange beautiful faces
proud faces
savage faces
sad faces
sometimes i felt like i had woken up in a room
i was all connected up to something
and every part of me hurt
people stood around talking dressed in white
when they saw me open my eyes they seemed surprised
dad? i heard someone say
not having the strength to keep my eyes open
i sink back
or rise up
again
i flicker in a place where i seem to wake up
ive been sleeping somewhere
oh i ache a bit too
i’m holding a guitar and a cigarette
i’ve nodded out in a studio
i’m s’posed to be playing a song and….
more blackness
steve…..? someone says
i open my eyes
i start plucking away at the guitar
lucky i think my fingers know what to do
i smoke the cigarette which is a joint
i’m in a room with some guys
young guys all with long lustrous hair
one blondish guy sits banging the drums
(the drum i think…kathy didnt want me to play the drum)
2 other dark guys are fiddling about with stuff
another blond guy
with long curly hair and almost feminine features sits there
too much wacky tobaccy , steve… he says in a soft english accent
you’ll g-g-get used to that, p-p-peter stutters the drummer
the other 2 guys keep fiddling around with stuff
peter the blond guy starts talking to me
have you written any words yet?… he asks
yeah i seem to be saying through a distance
i pull out a piece of paper from my pocket
something typed out unevenly upon it
the blond guy smiles
oh i like that already he says
emerald haunt in overdrive……hmmmm