an incredible gang of criminals assembled by a mastermind
to pull off a heist
a caper
a crime so big ,no one even thought it possible:
to kill pain
thats correct
the end of pain as we know it
the destruction of ache
the nullification of agony
bringing only sweet pleasure
the master mind is none other than
you guessed it
me
suave debonair sophistiquated
dapper dan and gentleman jiminy
steve kilbey as george cluey
aka the killer
the big doeppler
captain bly
sonic anathema
dim receiver
wanted for poncing about in 6 territories
+ an unspeakable state
billy the kidder
finally coming good
just in time for the curtains
walk on thru the wind
walk on thru the rain
a riverbank job
the wilde times
spring is hear
when the moon is in the seventh house
and the seventh house is down the end o’ my street
and my street loops round the bay
and youre flying along to your job
and your car cruises past the cenotaph
and you skirt around another crash
you reach forward
you pop something in your mouth
you pop something in the cd player
immediately it starts up
the throbbing headache turn to throbbing bass
turn it up you fool
as you go screaming thru wednesday morning 4 am
alone on the M5
or the A1
or the auto bahn bahn bahn
or route 666
or accelerating down wall street like a daemon
your manicured fingles reach out
you fiddling with the volume
up up up up up it goes
the fuckin’ needles in the red
but up goes the vol
you hit tone…hard
the bass the bass
you swoop into the graphic curve
and you draw a mountain where the bass frequencies lie
suddenly the bass is driving your hart
suddenly you achieve a vulcan mind meld
kilbey coming in
are you kilbey now?
are you a kilbey?
i am i am iam iam
i am steven kilbey
all of you…?
i am kilbey
i am kilbey
i am i am i am
kilbey is driving this car now
you have unleashed kilbey in your tiny mind
and boy its hard to fit all my stuff in here
kilbeys first act as co pilot is to throttle the car
he rips off your tie or your brassiere or your truss or your braces
he undoes all the straps
he flicks every fuckin’ button in yer car ON
he hits overstellar interdrive
a sub atomic lothario
the flying lounge lizard acceleratin’ up neptune parade
i bounce off vespas and mo-peds
kilbey do you have a lie-sense…?
kilbey please reduce speed now
kilbey go back
YOU ARE GOING THE WRONG WAY!
fuck em if they cant take a joke
kilbey…oh no… are you intoxicated..?
fuck no…oh you mean this…dont worry, its herbal
no kilbey thats fungal
kilbey is that peyote?
kilbey is that toluol?
kilbey is that marlybone jelly made from electric heels?
kilbey you swerving all over this cosmic road
kilbey somehow the bass guitar is guided by larks voices
somehow in a parallel mirror-verse where blah blah blah..
and kilbey does rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb
and elrond hubbard goes to the cupboard
and finds tom cruise mistle toes
and arthur rimbaud and ricki maymi walk into an opium den
and the baby wakes up in the back seat screaming
and tim powles is sitting in a tree in samoa
we want samoa singalong the crowd
a drone starts up
a proper eastern ragini bone moan drone
and a radio tunes into some weird armenian malarkey man
like byzantine harry flowers in powys square
jagger holds a fucking gun to my head
i dont know where youre going..i say to turner
yes you do…says turner
or fox
or
arthur rimbaud who says
hey ricki buy me another fuckin’ absinthe
and tom verlaine who has nothing to do with this
i invoke the greats and hope it rubs off on me….
….does it work….?
meanwhile back in sydney
i morosely evaporate in a black whole
in a black mood
in a grey land
its king harvest again
in the dead sand
i watch over you all from the afterlife
i am a fake fakir
i am voodini
i am rumpled stiltskin
i,m drivin’ your car to work
i sling it round the corners
i gun it up the lanes and by ways
my way or the highwayman i did it my way
an empty plastic baggie
the residue of joy dust
the traces of angelfruit
the glory of datura demon
hammerhead it
jack knifed jill
jill jilted and then tilted
jilly morning in spring
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slam honour breaks
pullup in the drive
jump out
flick the keys to the frickin’ concierge
here baby you park that sonna fabitch
you stride up the corridor
you see your boss
hey boss you say in yer new kilbey accent
sneering anglo aussie lingo
hey you know some big words now
hey boss yer so lugubrious man….
yeah good morning to you too
you sit at yer desk
you pick up the morning paper
and taking your black pen
you chuckle as you draw mustaches on kylie minogre
and hilary cliton
fuck em if they cant take a joke…eh?
eh? or what?
fuck yeah
in spades, baybee
hey yer gettin’ the hang of it now
switch on yer computer
type in those co ordinates
sk @ blah blah
hey look
we rate number 27 in the whole fuckin’ world
and you
you baybee
you just wrote this whole fuckin bastard blog
and with swearing and everything
go on
use another big word
corrugated
ok
wow
you got it
you kilbey
you go girl
or bouy
you show em
smash it up
send kilbey all your money
after all you are me now
go on
thats it
put all your money in yer paypal
go on
its ok
we are now one
this is you writing this
now
take all that dough
and send it to the ttbs honestly box
thats it
confirm?
hit yes
submit?
hit yes
oh doesnt that feel good
now switch off the computer
go and sit in a park
and read mervyn peake….
await further instructions