ok
i’m writing my own acka dacka songs from now on
for a start that geezer is one of the only blokes older than me
still going in rocknroll
so i’m a spring chickling compared to his venerable old carcass
ive already been shopping round for the hat
and i found a nice one at grimsbys fashions for seniors
with kilbey plaid on it
i wear it at a rakish angle
looking like a cross between andy capp n sid james
(‘allo darlin’!)
i’m taking some waddle n strut lessons from a man at the pub
including hefting guitar playing fifty year old school children aloft
(not tripping over their homework etc) and staggering about
i’m working on some lyrics…here ‘ave a look
n tell me what you think….
i’m thinking of calling this one something like…

BIG KNOCKERS

i woz out one day walking my cock-er(wink to lads in crowd)

and i wanna get me hands on yer BIG KNOCKERS

dont look down cos my sausage is a shocker
(then crowd joins in)
and we wanna get out our hands on yer BIG KNOCKERS

BIG KNOCKERS
BIG KNOCKERS
BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG KNOCKERS
love to roll my baby cos ya know she is a rocker
but i wanna bang bang wif yer BIG KNOCKERS
(fists punch the air on bang bang)

look i know its a still in an embryonic stage
i know a few parts need some work
i’ll be polishing it up a little over the coming months
as i do my vocal warm ups
i’m going for a cross between
a bawling cockney sergeant major
and an old codger sitting down in a bath
and suddenly finding out thats its much too hot…
look it aint easy to sing like that
and i wanna look like the foreman on a demolition site
bellowing through the unbelievable racket going on around him
actually people have said to me
steven just ignore the singing n words…listen to the music
just ignore the singing n words!
yeah
like go n see this film…ignore the acting n the script..but otherwise..
how can you ignore the words n singing to a song?
how can one compartmentalize music like that?
ooh thats enough now steven john my boy
why do those guys push yer buttons?
oh i dont know..its so benny hill
i genuinely feel so fucking sorry for any young man
standing row upon row with others
with my fist in the air and mouthing the words..
whats wrong with me…?
dont i like fun..?
everybody should get some fun…thats what the west is all about
‘aving a bit of fun
c’mon!