climbing the steps again
round n round art deco style
my shorts pockets full of change
my faded t shirt with the pocket
my feet are tanned n dirty
the night gets hotter n hotter
my face is stinging from the sweat
the sky goes gray and the mauve
cream clouds finger the darker streaks of oncoming evening
no breeze out there
people sit outside waiting for a breeze
but no breeze has yet come
put the key in the door
slip across the threshold like a hot shadow
i lock the door
move through the flat and music comes on
i may not always love you sings a voice
go on the balcony
the sea has turned viscous black
the foam glows white by the shore
boats on the horizon sailing somewhere else
see their coloured lights play on the water
people above are having a nargument
leave me alone ! someone yells
the cicadas have started up in this street
on a stifling hot night they scream in their trees
as if it wasnt bad enough
a dog yelps pitifully over the back
some hopeless band is rehearsing in a room in the heat fog
or whatever this is
summer indeed and in action
my skin revolts against the salt water and the sky
i always feel sore these days
lucky i live alone
lucky i am a woman
and i’m young and ive got so much money
i lift up the mosquito net and roll onto my bed
i take my clothes off n lie quiet in the heat
tv sets drift in n out of hearing
music mingles back on itself
the computer portal swirls in a dna fractal series of blobs
i hear the mosquitoes above all else as they hover outside the net
their collective hum is deafening
planes boom way up there in the atmosphere
maybe theres some breath up there
because everything has gone very still
i realize with a certain satisfied horror that
i am the only one
there are no others in this game
there never was and there never will be
its a charade
its a farce
i lie in the heat and dark and i laugh
its all a great big set up baby she laughed out loud
its all a plot
how would i know if i was mad or this is real…?
there is no one to ask but lowboy
but of course
he’d be in on it too
and one day
in the middle of it all
someone will say stop
and the lights will all come on
the actors will take off their costumes
everyone smiles and says boy we really had you going there
didnt we…?
and of course
i’ll just be standing there wont i…..as usual…
the mosquitoes keep whining
the awful jazz band rehearses pointlessly
there are dripping taps with more swing than that
it gets later and later
and it gets still hotter and hotter
you could imagine the world ending right here n now tonight
here we are in this heat and darkness i thought
lucky no one else is here to touch my sore sensitive skin
i burn on in the darkness nevertheless
i wriggle against the sheets in some restless loop
the lights of oceania twinkle twinkle on yonder hill
i fall asleep in the darkness eventually
my soul has trouble flying thru the swampy air
it wings its way upward
but it condenses back into me
it congeals within my hot human body
my soul coalesces into my veins and my nerves
i lay dreamless
motionless in the thick night
and somewhere
somewhere else all together
i fall and fall and fall