posted on June 29, 2006 at 9:18 pm

7 20
gee im running late lately
people ask howcome ya get up so early
i dunno
i just do
isnt that a pattern of life
when i was a wee nipper
knee high to a grass hopper
i jumped outta bed at the crack o dawn
then as a teenager n youf
i slept in all day
as a young man i reviled the dawn
and i’d be angry if anyone rang before eleven
now in my twilight years
it seems to behove me to get up nice n early
tap out my foolish blogg
etc etc
yessaday nk says did you see the drunken ant?
sure enuff
a loada ants are up around the cap of the jagermeister
sucking on whatever little crusty stuff they can find there
then a whole bunch staggering around the bottle
and i aint seen em since
i feel sorry for these ants
its cold outside and theyre mopping up in my kitchen
so i aint had the heart to squash em
but anyway
the j meister seems to have slowed em down a little
you can imagine em all staggering back to the queen
queen” what have you brought me, drones???”
ant “well ya shee ya majeshty its like thishhh….”

anyway the ants are all gone
i hope they didnae die of alcoholic poisoning
also i feel bad that some of our german readers
think ive jumped on some rocknroll bandwagon
and started drinkin’ the j meister
as someone said it used to be a drink for grandads
well thats me fiendss
could easily be a grandad
and thats the side of me
enjoying a medicinal nip of an evening
not a billy idle motorbike riding rocker
slurping it down in a l.a. bar

been chucking my cd collection into eye choons
a wearying task
be glad when its over
have not actually “done’ anything yet
since i been home
the thought of that five weeks in the u.s.
making me preternaturally weary
in advance
all those drives n flying
makes me nervous, i can tell ya
so many things to figure out
(how many pairs of socks to take…etc)
im knackered just by thinking of it…
scarlet starting to say dad dad dad
and shes turning out to be quite a drama queen
yessaday as soon as i put her down she started carrying on
seems like she was the queen of sheba in her last life
cos shes gotta bad attitude if everythin’ aint revolvin’ around her
shes got a big head and a big bum
and she had her first go in a high chair yessaday
hardly scintillating stuff is it…?
but thats the thing with babies
no good quoting andre breton or rimbaud to a baby
doesnt matter how cool or educated or hip or whatever
babies dont care
they get angry n sad n ya gotta figger out whats wrong
i say to scarlet
dont lay no boogie woogie on the king of rocknroll
but she doesnt think its funny
she just goes on carrying on
trying to touch my lapptopp even now as i type this to ya
even as we speak
eve and aurora are all caught up in a movie
(or film as we used to say)

called the adventures of shark boy and lava girl
which they watch over n over
and youre not allowed to say aurora hassa crush on sharkboy either
or people start runnin’ around and yellin’

years ago i signed a bad publishing deal
with a greedy crooked swine
20 years later they still ripping me off
so yessaday i tried humanitarian approach
with the company who got me 3rd hand
after greedy crooked swine exited the bizness
this contract is so fucked up
why didnt ya getta lawyer to look at it
i hear yall scream
well, i did
unfortunately it was a lawyer the greedy crooked swine recommended
and guess what?
he was greedy crooked lawyer
cos the deal couldnt have been worse…it was impossible
every clause does the opposite of what it was supposed to do
and they stitched me up for fucking ever
even on pluto
even if i change sex or become a giraffe
they still got me by the ye olde balls
so yessaday i tried humanitarian approach
dear sir
i suffered for 20 years
i got 5 daughters
please let me go…
pretty please….??!!

i’ll let ya know what happens fiendss
if they dont comply
and im sure they wont
im gonna give ya their email address
and you can petition em for me
with letters like
if you dont let olde sk go
then we the undersigned will think
the music biz is made up of
fat greasy greedy lying smarmy useless bastards
ruthlessly robbing the talent of their dues
while yerselves cant write play or sing
youre parasites on the abilities of others
and you devise legal but immoral ways
of keeping the fairly earned money of yer betters
hiding in bigg corporations
cynically raking in others cash
and figuring out schemes to deprive em of it

signed sks loyal fiend
blah blah blah

i tell ya its true
most of the scum in the bizness are pathetic
the sort you wouldnt speak to twice
if he wasnt holding all the cards n purse strings
i revile em
i think theyre the lowest
and i’ll bite their hands whenever i getta chance
they ARE some good guys
but most are bloodsucking pigs

a little bile for brekky, fiendss
im off to the pool to cool down
(it could be under 15…i dont care..bring it on)
surely today is the day
i get some work done
i love ya

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