posted on December 25, 2006 at 7:51 pm

presents opened safely
everyone fairly happy with their stash
not gonna bore ya with a long list of she got this
and she got that
after a while i go for a swim to bondi beach
its overcast n water is cold
there are big bouncer type guys checking yer bags to get on beach
what are you expecting i ask
sir we’re expecting you to have fun!
i catch some moderate waves
but theyre breaking close to the shore
a few people in but not many
afterwards i do chi gong
buy a green tea n walk back home
thru the silent christmassy suburb
so nice to cruise thru the soundless streets
suddenly things take on significance
a flower here or there
a piece of wood n its patterns
a cluster of weeds
old names in the concrete
matt loves neige
theres only one neige i know
and thats peter k’s daughter…hmmm…
i havent been feeling the best for a cuppla daze
despite the yoga n everything
kinda ever so slightly anxious
kinda achey
kinda tired
the sea has made me a bit better
i wunder if i been overdoing it lately?
just too much everything
i need a holidayfrom everything
oh the caravan down the south coast seems appealing
just ah me on my own
the luxuriating fields
the white noise of the surf
the birds in the flowering trees
no phone no computer
no people
what would my mind turn to….?
at lunchy time we drive up to visit joyce
whos at johns place
elli swears she sees kevin federline
(for some reason she pronounces it fedraline)
at a roof top party
so i scream out
hey fedraline! but no one looks up
elli says
oh exciting to think of a celebrity in bondi, daddy
i say
hes not a celebrity hes married to a celebrity
and i think
hey waita minnit…aint i a celebrity in bondi?
answer: nope
for xmas i finally getta copy of joycies book
(my mother has written a book called
the tale of the old iron pot
about her life
it only goes to 76 when my dad died)
wow its a nice book
pictures of my g.parents i aint ever seen
nice pictures of my dad
you can see at once my mum n dad are english
something about their smiles
my dads bad looking teeth
gee they were quite a glamourous cupple
i mean they had style….
so ive started reading it
a few ooh mum moments
a bit too much info sometimes
and i got really sad when her little puppy nell
got run over n she blamed herself
oh i felt that…….
i often wished i could go back in time
and change things for my mum n dad
they were pretty poor
and i think of the cold n damp of london
i been there sometimes n the only way
i could ever get warm
properly warm
was to have a hot bath
my parents childhood seemed so dickensian to me
all the kids in one bed n one bathwater
the book is an excellent read actually
looking forward to the bits about ME…
i think she wouldnt mind selling a few…..
i’ll keep ya informed
seems it out on karmic hit
so pester jlk for one!
we have a cuppa tea n some english style cakey
my mother tells elli to stop bossing minna around
i dont boss her around says elli
everyone at the table raises their eyes upwards
some even dare to make scoffing sounds
yes you do says says nanna joyce
you were ordering her about just now
minna really enjoys all this
looking about
sorta there…i told you so
elli takes it good naturedly and eventually gives up her chair
not minna who she was ordering to relinquish her seat
“elli is happy to be able to offer you minnas seat” i had said
and everyone had a good giggle
we come home and me n the 2 lotsa twins hit the beach again
the suns out by now n the beach is pretty packed
tho the cold water keeps most of the johnny come latelys out
i catch a cuppla waves and theyre too close to the shore
and i very very narrowly miss out on hurting my stupid self
its easy to hurt yer back if ya hit the sand awkwardly
its strange to stand in the sea
and all around i can hear bloody pommies complaining about
how cold the water is….
go back to bloody ramsgate then you complaining pommy gits
see how sodding warm it is there in decembah!
after a while the water felt warmer than the surrounding air
eventually elli gotta bitta of an ear ache
and we went n had a shower at the north end
e + m split for jlks place where they were having christmas dinner
i stayed with the doodles who played on the muscle building equipment
while i observed humanity
for the guy who says i diss gays:
the gay community was well represented on the beach
a lot of them had bathers with the legend “budgie smuggler” on the bum
and reindear antlers of red foam
say whatever ya like about the gay boys n men
but i tell ya my children
they got better bods than the heteros
ooh such well defined abs n pecs
(didnt see any calves as nice as mine tho)
ya see although im a red blooded hetro yob
i do appreciate the lines of a handsome male physique
and im often staring at the men on the beach
more than the ladies
just something about the aesthetic of male lines n planes
its always interested me
(or am i just checking out the competition)
sadly a lot of the daddies on the beach
have big white beer guts n skinny pale legs
guys only in their 30s who already look totally fucked!
standin’ at the edge of the water shivering n quaking
not daring to go in
go on mr biznesman
you need baptism in that marine nature
get your brut face n calvin klein underarms in that water!
jap tourists swarm everywhere
but they too seem afraid of the water
standing at its edge with their pants rolled up
and taking a million pictures
the italians have arrived too
kicking soccerballs around too close to the sunbathers
some of the reindear boys are being a little too amorous
do i have to really watch this on xmas day?
gee these guys must really be good friends……
oh doodles dont look..
what are they doing dad?
ah…i think theyre “wrestling”….
eventually me n tired doodles trudge wearily home
we have nks delishus leftover veg lasagne for tea
and we have one final walk around nine
aurora its cold bring yer jacket
no its ok im fine dad
no bring yer bloody jacket…its cold
its alright dad…im not cold
then five minutes into walk
big daddy who DID bring HIS jacket cos it WAS cold
has to take it off to give to aurora whos FREEZING HER ASSOFF!
bloody silly doodles!
come home
doodles n bumper eventually go to sleep
me n nk enjoy some champagne
by the lights of our christmas tree
today its boxing day
we’re having a picnic for all killerbeys in nielsen park
mum, russell n amy n kids
johnny n zoe
doodles twillies bumpers
have a good one folks!

41 Responses to “all the children they put ah flowers in their hair……but all the grownups they put ah daggers there, instead”

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