cop cars
sherrifs
state troopers
in all different coloured uniforms
silly hats
guns n handcuffs
walkie talkies
radios a’cracklin’
villains in doorways
the cops anathema
they need each other in symbiosis
the keep each other in business
the villains with their balloons of smack n crack
(bought my self a red balloon, with a blue surprise
tooka lovelight out my eyes, mmmm blue surprise)
the villains who run this piece of turf
cranking out the misery of drugs
the cops catchin’ em
cranking out the misery of the law
an eternal play to be acted out forever
people drive nice cars here
the weathers warm so you can roll the top down
the boulevards are wide n straight
and you can cruise along like yer in a song
from born to run
florida is exciting
and excited by itself
theres a wild crazy anything fucking goes feeling
similar but more intense than australias gold coast
the thought of all them legal guns is never far from my mind
i order inna veggie sub
its delicious
have i ever mentioned that the americans can throw together
some excellent foods?
you know i ve always said that the americans were the best audyences
too
up n till now that is
last nights crowd hadda merry olde chat while we played
i can tell ya
no amount of shushing had any effect
we drive 500 miles so they can talk all the way thru
if you read this blogg
if you have a degree in ku fung
or a black belt in ai-kid-thee
or if youre carrying a mace or some mace
or even a retractable battering ram
please feel free to sort out the talkers next time
who will be appearing near you at a gig soon
we aint played in florrieda for 16 long years
we drive all that way
we are RATHER good too
and they talk n talk n talk
dont wait for my command
SORT THE BASTARDS OUT
something like
” ‘ ear, you dont stop talkin n im gonna fuckin’ deck ya!!!!”
thatll get their attention…
and now youve been polite dont hesitate
to be rude
i mean their being bloody rude
to us
and
you
and i dont understand
why
pay 25 dollaros
to scream in someones ear
over the top of a bunch of old hippy minstrels
i do nae for the livin’ everlovin’ life o’ me unnerstand…

i hadda delicious vegan meal before ye olde show
i had to ask a tester to test the scnitzel
so realistic did it seem
but it turned out veg
ooohhh i wish i had that every night
good on ya florida
sks best din-dins yet
rob dickinson asks me in a perplexed tone
why do australians shorten all the words
into something silly
nk often asks same q.
we say brekky, uni, sickie, postie, milko,stevo,tranny,pollies
gazza,shazza,wazza,wacka,arvo,no wuckers, fer ron,intaya,
and it seems our english speaking friends n allies
dont appreciate our spin on the lang
but
sk has had many (mostly olde ) ladies saying
(in southern accent)
oh my my i do so like yer pritty acksent…
where yall fromm?????
then we run thru the predictable convysation
yall play inna band?
witch band is that hunny?
the cherch…..?
the you know god n all that cherch?
no?
oh yalls a rock band callked the cherch?
hey brad (or mike) have yoo ever herd of an ostraylian groop
called the cherch?
nope?
me neither…
well it shur was nice to meetcha
you enjoy plattsberg now, wontcha?
yoo got any cee dees out?
how many ?
hey mike (or brad) these guys got 17 (or 23) cee dees out
well i’m gonna pick one up!

sometimes i make the answers up
i say we’re from iceland
or lemuria
i say that one of the others is a male stripper
and we’re the backing band
that one usually gets a good laff
but its an old gag now
been going on for 20 years now
originally starring ploogy

my hotel is vry nice
ive enjoyed it
i got my washin’ done at last
a big pile of clean warm shrunken clothes
my undies feel like they were made for someone
of about 10
my sox have migrated down past my ankles
well i told ya i was no good with machines
can ya imagine
yer humble but dopey hero
standing there with my big red bag of washing
(laundry santa claus)
ive gotta load of quarters in my handy
ah …
no..
decisions decisions
which is washer
which is dryer
where n when n how much soapy powder
ooohhh don’ wanna put it in the wrong bloody little door
and then hot delicate
cold press
whites n colours
long spin?
rinse cycle de jour?
set the controls for heart o the sun?
i leave it set at wherever the last genius haddit
super hot shrinka with powder overdose
i push in the quarters
(tho i usually give no quarter)
and i wait
n
wait
n
wait
an intuitive hunch tells me nothin is happening
i fling open the bonnet lid of my machine
the clothes lie still under their layer of powder
some turkeys turned off yon tappies
jester or rogue?
anyway
i do finally negotiate the ups n downs
of the washa n drya
now my washing sits forlornly
in an unsorted mountain in my room
i gotta do an intavu in ten minutes
then i gotta sort this mess hall out
and get reddy
hit the road to wherever next
somewhere where the people dont gab all the way
thru our set
i hope
n
thats for sure!
sk