posted on March 8, 2008 at 7:53 pm

woke up wasted and headachey
the wrath of grapes (and other things)
the whole family is auditioning for a commercial
a mummy and her baby
(tick) can do that..(tho scarlet not much of a baby now)
determined 8 year old girls
(tick) can do that in spades
a bearded rugged intelligent old geezer
(tick) thats gotta be me..ok take out intelligent…
ooh daddy
you picked a bad night to get way-sted..
daddy throws his usual hangover cure at it
which is 2 spliffs two cans of v and a load of panadeine
(which minus the panadeine is his usual start anyway)
eventually we get the troops loaded up
to sunny woolhara
up queen street
find the place
loadsa other hopefuls
i glare at the other beards
ta tellya the troof
i had more antarctic scientist in my little toe
than all of em put together
eventually after much ‘anging about
we get called in
theres the lady who runs the agency
and the director
heres the kilbey family she says to him
we introduce ourselves
when i say steven
she says steve
i nod
steve kilbey
uh huh
oh no
i been trying to stay anonymous-like
i reckon if they think people are gonna know who i “am”
i may not get the gig
she runs over to director
who is a bit younger than she is n me
and hes from nz and he might be gay
she says
oh its steve kilbey hes very well known blah blah blah
shaddup lady
shes goes on a bit more
look i say
nobody knows me now i hardly ever play
werent you on at the opera house last night ? she says
yeah but…..
its hard to see if this sways the director one way or t’other
and what are your ages
well scarlet is 2 n half
eve n aurora pipe up
natalie says im 32
and i say im 53
the weight of the subtraction hangs in the air
we all look at each other
i burst out
oh my god im 21 years older than my wife..oh no oh no
everyone has a good laugh ha ha ha
next up the woofle blows her chances
by acting like a turkey
everytime the cameras on her shes struggling straining rebelling
as soon as its off shes placid happy co operative
out she goes with mummy to wait outside
then aurora does her audition
which was climbing on a chair pretending its a tree
she does it with her dopey “this is ridiculous” face
like eyore would….this’ll never work
the directors saying to her
oh its a lovely tree…look you can see for miles
but aurora sits there like….i dunno…a goose
evie starr aptly named has a crack
she responds to herr directeurs cues
oh the chair is a wondrous great oak
and she climbs it sitting in its leafy branches looking quite beatific
evie is dressed in a lovely black n white dress
her wonderful thick chestnut curly hair is up
and she looks quite bloody gorgeous
next up me
i peer into the frozen south pole
which is really a room in woolhara
we discussed my beard
steve are you willing to thicken your beard up….?
its too manicured he says
druid for this money i put it in plaits if you want
we drive off
nk not rating her n woofles chances very hi
aurora…little hope
me n evie shoo-ins
when are they letting you guys know ?she asks sadly
YOU guys…not US guys ….hmmm…lets see
at 6 oclock
now very tired n lazy
i meet elektra down at the beach
we’re gonna have dinner but shes had “like 6 milkshakes, daddee”
we get to pavillion n order salads
no salads left
she has water
i have a muffin
lucky im tired
cos lately elli n i been arguing a bit
her materialistic approach disappoints me a little
we been clashing
tonite i just sit there n listen
which i usually (can) never do
elli talks about clothes shoes hair etc
about blonding cream with lemon juice
which has made her brown hair blonde
i impress her by saying i tried to dye my hair
with lemon juice when i was ten…to look like surfies
oh wow she says
a wedding arrives at the pav
elli talks about their clothes n hair n shoes
we disagree in a friendly fashion about it all
we drift over to visit minna where shes working
so so so different now
these identical people
so different
elli blonde tanned breezy
minna dark pale slightly troubled
i get some chips
elli n i talk some more
i buy her some drops for her tired eyes
we walk home
go in and talk to her n karin
elli doesnt want a deep n meaningless conversation w/ me
i understand this (finally)
just leave things well enuff alone
we had a good night
go home put doodles into bed
watch an episode of the sopranos with nk
go to bed
sleep heavy
and now
its sunday
calloo callay!

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