The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

the written word
slips from your fingertips
like sand
through the hands
of old father time
you see
before you
the mirror
the screen
the could-be and the has-been
comedy
tragedy
cocaine or heroin
every opposite merges in itself
the old and the young
male into female
negative and positive back n forth
children sometimes laugh n cry
at the same/time
so close are all opposites
lofty mountains turn out to be deep ravines
tears of joy
tears of contrite sorrow
my western world has warped
the coincidences have become jokes
like a pawn moving on jagged diagonals
risking everything on a handful of nothing
cant trust love n hate…
at the extremities they feel almost the same
like cold water feels scalding
like being burnt by ice
like day jar voo
like premonitions
and the telekinesis of the losing streak
oh i give it to you straight
only there is no straight
only circles
only the revelation of emptiness at the heart of everything
another paradox….some see this as the null n void
to others the blissful extinguishment
upson downes
round n round
truth out of lies
fact beyond fiction
this is my area
i mine this vein
it is mine to mine even if in vain sometimes
i absolve my self from responsibility
to anything other than my work in any medium
the mediums i have mastered
the mediums i have not mastered
i put my name to it
i put my face to it
its a song
its a picture
its a little video
its funny
its sad
its mediocre
its inspiring
its silly
its hilarious
its prophetic
its pathetic
its bathetic
its ripe
its tripe
its old
its bold
its this its that
its a load of old hat
ive heard it all
still you wont deflect me
praises or blames
a hundred biographies
or a three second pan in the gutter press
all the bitter old cronies
all the gushing young nongs
all the phony symphony hogwash n shite n bollocks
i am kilbey
i am everything you all say i am and more
in spades
and in hearts
i persevere and i prevail
dont you see
i am a charlatan who also happens to be the real thing
thats why you gotta love me
thats why i need you to love me
but understand this
my one virtue is this:
i dont easily succumb to the zeitgeist
and my mind stretches out to all perspectives
and you can call that a grandiose sickness
or you can call that astral quickness
its just dusk in the window to me
get your head around it
come to your senses
this is not a poem
this is not a film
this is not some broadway impro try-out
this is not a slow dissolve or a backwards fade
i swallow the same life as you
but i sing it back as a song
my songs career thru this world
your world is your world
but your world is one of many to me
and from those worlds
those almost worlds
i bring you back things
crude unfinished chunks
and finely wrought beauty
and traditional forms
and clumsy artifacts
and halfdone dreams
and polished knives
and all the rest
i have always existed
i have always existed outside
yet i have always existed inside
i can say anything and i probably wont
we are all looking through different lenses
i love you i hate you i care i dont care
i’m good….i made some people happy
i’m bad….i made some people unhappy
i’m confused
yes, thats it
i’m confused
tell me
who ever told me the truth
i cant believe everyone and
everyone listen
theres so many everyone in my life nowdays
look in everyone
the genius n the fool
in most mixed up
in me separated
in two congealed blobs
each wresting control
but both harnessed by my work
i indiscriminately let that fool run amuck
because , well, to tell you frankly
it amuseth me
and well
i tried all that mystery malarkey and
to use a boring word it was boring
after a while
and as i approach uncertainly certain death
as do we all of course
and knowing that is our heaviest burden
therefore
and in light that this is my scrapbook
my impressionistic diary
my confessional
my noticeboard
my little chatty bullshit lounge
my little chapel where my followers mayest come
actually its whatever
whatever whatever whatever
and i am the time being
you know what that means to you
you may not know what it means
but you know what it means to you
you dont have to read or watch
you dont have to agree or disagree
i am a medium level artistic freak
i am constantly improving
i will make mistakes
i will make great strides
i will continue
insult or injury
rewarded or acknowledged or no
no dice
no sugurlamp
no cigar
i have read several reviews of u 23 that say
its the best album EVER made
i read others bitching n moaning about it
me myself……fuck…ive already moved on
i’m still plotting my compleat lyric book
and editing together my jackfrost movie
or my next blim blam blom
you like my little films…?
you see me manipulate my elements
a true jack of all trades
a true jack of diamond geezers
tricky with words
handsome to boot
velvety voice
old n revered
who cares
not me
i never lost control….
ground control to major time being
TELL MY WIFE I LOVE HER VERY MUCH….SHE KNOWS!!!
expect the unexpurgated unexpectable
i stumble on regardless
tomorrow guest singing on some record
the next day abusing my illusion of disillusionment
i am all over the shop
but i am gloriously me
me me me
ha ha ha
wo wo wo
i rock to the east
i rock to the west
every body here know
my heart is in the right place
or how else could i have arrived here
here among us
among us brothers n sisters
among us, the living and the loving
the loving made
made mad by loving love
or whatever
yeah
and thats for sure

steve kilbey
antarctica
south X south

music by alien skin
(isnt it great??)

but lets not think about…the passing time….
i fly to melbourne, victoria
a city of nearly 4 million on the banks of the yarra river
always my spiritual home in australia…..
i spend sunday in the company of martin kennedy
and then a bit of time with sam sejavka at his gig
i realize as i write this that the 2 men are like polar opposites
mk is ultra calm rational and logical
he doesnt drink smoke or take drugs
he thinks things out thoroughly
he looks before he leaps
ss is the opposite of all that……
mk and i have a very creative day
his music fits my words like a hand in glove
he has a modus operandi which allows him to generate endless variations
of his gorgeous instrumental tracks
at the heart of all of em a soft sadness
he puts it all together like a scientist
manipulating the elements within his system
kennedys stuff is precise and poignant
he plays me a new track and i immediately start to sing on it
we get halfway through a second track too
a guy comes from the age and we do an interview
over soy lattes and vegan muffins
(oh how civilized!)
and a photographer turns up n snaps us in the rainy back yard
mk n his wife n i go for a walk in the then sunny but cold melbourne sunday
i keep brainstorming ideas about k/k until my brain hurts
we want our show in melbourne to be ultra-special
its at the toff in town thursday 10th of september, melbourne
i urge you overseas people with the $ to come and see us
we will be performing our entire first album (in its entirety…ha ha)
we will have michael evans-barker from album on percussion
we will have the incredible (evil) graham lee on pedal steel guitar
we will be crooning n looning in the gloaming
so get foaming combing and roaming
cos it will be a good show
think bel-frank sinatra
think dean martin kennedy
think a dry martini ,kennedy
think roger suave with the best cocktail tunes ever
anyhow
i turned up at the ss gig
not knowing what to expect
greeted at the door by ss himself
who looks like a cross between the thin white duke
and some eastern european ambassador
hes always been one of the handsomest guys ive ever met
im madly jealous of his good looks…ok?
his hair is turning silver so subtly
it sits in a man who fell to earth cut perfectly
he is tall and slim
with a body most 25 year olds would envy
yet he does no real exercise
his face is smooth and relatively unlined
he is like a cheetah or a fox
he is graceful and also grateful
hes in a spot of bother with the law
and this gig is a benefit to raise money for his legal funds
i mean
you cant put a guy like ss in jail for growing a bit of pot
hes a fucking national treasure
like australias mervyn peake
his use of language is extraordinary
his plays are dark and convoluted and brilliantly strange
anyway he was also the singer in a new wave band called the ears
who are reforming for tonite
1st gig since 1981
backstage i joke around with greg fleet the comedian n mc
he thinks he n i should fly to alice springs
do a gig there n then get our teeth fixed up
(alice springs is a town in the centre of australia…kinda)
why alice springs?
uh…not sure…but he thought it would be a good idea
his teeth looked worse than mine
but then again
he’d pull more people to the show, i guess
you see we get our choppers fixed from proceeds of show
then lie around in the outback
convalescing or waiting for our crowns to be hammered in
backstage also a member of a now defunct famousish band
looks at me sheepishly n apologizes
for what ? i say
uh…such n such festival in 03 or 04
oh….god i remember now…
good god man!…i exclaim..what were you on…angel dust??!!
nah …just too much whisky …sighs the remorseful rocker
ok ok i say…no offence taken… i say…
wow! the last time i saw him
he was swearin’ n cussin’ n throwin’ punches at everyone….
there was some argy bargy with you n your wife ..he says sadly
no problem at all …i say doubtfully…hey thats rocknroll..i say
hugo race is backstage …another extraordinarily well preserved rocker
he looks much better now than 20 years ago
very chiselled n slim…like a young max von sydow or something..
howcome all the wild guys are so well preserved…?
huh?
it should be the opposite
anyway
i have good gig
i do the usual old suspects that i always do
i should learn some newies
i play with confidence and an assured intensity
i’m good and the audients like me
good!
sejavka n his band come on
some of the stuff is obviously dated
sam is ridiculously hammy n theatrical
hes like a melburnian new wave vampyre or something
some of the songs are pretty good
good lyrics which is what you’d expect from him
he certainly has the moves
and/but he gets puffed out pretty quick which is kinda funny
(running round n singing requires a certain match fitness!!)
i stand in the audients with the little lord
who is also an old friend of sams
we gasp and giggle n chortle n cheer at his antics
he disappears from sight
because hes too knackered to get up off the floor
simon polinski pulls a great sound
and cathy mcquade looks like a youngish sophia loren
as she sings away beside sam
the band is good n tight
and the whole spectacle is very entertaining
theres quite a few people there so hopefully theres a few $
for his legal fleas
you can check out michael hutchence playing sam in dogs in space
seeing sams moves
one wonders if hutch and even nicky cave were influenced
by sams extravagant onstage malarkey
had a great time
prominent fiends present : amanda princey n mary
john whatsisname who looks like a hasidic jew
and melissa m
who i didnt see
but who passed on 2 very lovely pre birthday gifts
melissa….thank you…i know i will enjoy them…
i stayed the night at the little lords castle in prahran
she served up roast veggies
i chatted with her dog, piper the staffy
and danny her boyfriend
and i got on a plane early n was back in the emerald city by 10 am
i just seen (get it?)the eye quack today
he says bad news is eye will always = blurry
good news is other eye will eventually be the same
as old father times fingers
undo this conglomerate of material
you know
and love
as steve kilbey
the time being

music by david neil (from the forthcoming “the wilderness years”