posted on January 8, 2007 at 8:24 pm

a pack of yobbos has moved in underneath us about 3 weeks ago
theyve had 4 partys since xmas
last night
horror of horrors
the yobbos
(read young ignorant beer swilling people
possessed of little charm or grace)
last nite, monday nite
the yobbos have a little gathering of 20 other fellow yobbos
all talkin’ like kath n kim
and to my absolute distress n dismay
they now have a barbeque
under our windows
we had the lighter fluid
we had the thick black smoke of their disgusting altar
we have the rancid filthy stench
as they burnt their dead dismal offering
to some brainless beer-god
we have to close all the windows immediately
but the vile evil odours have permeated our home
like having a crematorium going outside..
plus brilliant comments like
“this is really good meat!!”
as they tuck into their tragedy
they guffaw loudly and slurp down such copious quantities of booze
that the glass recycler is nearly valve-bouncing
then the doof doof doof starts
it pumps solidly thru the night
up thru the flawboards
its inane uselessness finds me
music for people who hate music
a simplistic bang bang bang
for yer basic moron who loses interest
if there is a more than a one second gap
and fiendss
here comes the frightening bit
2 of these yobbos are girls
2 yobettes and their little brother
formerly of yob point
i knew i was gonna hate em
when i saw they had a fuckin parrot in a cage as they moved in
yeah yobette
i bet yer lil birdy loves doin’ solitary for life
yet committed no crime
instead of flying the burnin’ blue skies
hes prisoner in yer nasty little cage
people with no clue
people with no taste
i was gonna say
theyre not even “straights”
we had “straights” before and they were considerate
they were doofing once
i knocked at the door
and said the missus is trying to have a rest
and the doof ceased pronto
their only other problem was an
enormous surround sound war game machine
the floor would shake n shudder
and civilians would scream
i kid you not
we had only some thin floor boards
separating us from ww111
tanks blasting
rockets falling
the works
but theyd always stop at 11
or if ya banged on the ceiling
but lassanite when i finally
at 11 30
jumped on the epicentre of the doof doof
they stopped for 3 seconds
then it returned in all its moronic vengeance;
the unfailing thump of drunken yobbos.
eventually as their gathering winds down
they accumulate (like rubbish)
underneath our bedroom window
having their loud empty ha ha ha
blah blah blahs right outside
(you couldnt dignify it with the word “conversation”)
now i dont want to start that fucking idiot up again
in the comments section..
but the yobettes male friends
dont mind draining their beer-swollen bladders
just round the side of the house neither
well of course
next time it happens
(im always saying next time)
but next time
im gonna vacuum the house at 6 am
slowly and knocking big heavy things over
again n again
the doodles will be allowed
nay encouraged
to run n jump n doing cartwheels cross the floor
music which i imagine is anathema to the yobs will be played
(ie something nice)
at random intervals in random parts of the house
with my new bass heavy hi fi box
a’shuddering and a’vibrating right thru the gentle morning…
im gonna induce the mother of all hangovers
when space ritual resounds deafeningly
in their cauliflower ears n confused alcohol soaked “brains”
and then….
and then…
and then im as bad as them
another irate naybour killing people loudly
with their badde fucking manners
and then things can get even worse
i mean it isnt actually open war yet…..
and i dont want that
believe me
i been living here for ages
its usually isnt TOO bad
kellys gone n everything…..
she did a midnite runner a few weeks back
she was a lot more exciting than the dullards downstairs
they are as close to generic yobbo as you can get
just the most uncomprehending kinda idiots
who depress ya just seeing hearing n now smelling em
nk is furious
im trying to keep her under control
the twillies at midnite lassanite
were spoiling for a fight
im going down there to fucking tell them
yells skinny minni
marching down the stairs
come back here i hiss
not tonite…
ya see
i know enuff to know
that 20 20 something yobbos
with bellies full of grog n flesh
and a good doof doof going
they aint gonna listen to an irate vegeterian bi-lingual twin
from sodermalm stockholm telling em
to close down their cretinous festivities
and go to sleep
now what do i do?
i cant afford to move
i dont wanna move neither….
but what the….?
im in shock
please no” just chill”
thats what they’d probably say..
i dont wanna be this part im being forced into
the angry olde guy upstairs
whos trying to stop their orgies of ignorance
i dont wanna start a cold war
or any other war with em neither
i just wish theyd go away…
please somebody..

ps mishy
do you wanna come thursday?

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