posted on April 29, 2008 at 9:22 pm

“only time separates us from the grave”
i wrote that back in 1981
sitting in a cafe in anglesea victoria
my whole life stretching out ahead of me
now today i’ve moved up closer
closer to my turn
the great mystery indeed
houdini promised his wife he would come back to her
show her a secret sign
he never did though
or what?
did houdini realise once he was on the otherside
that it is as pointless to make contact
as it is for a university student to visit his old high school
or is it simply that
there is nothing out there
that death is a cessation
the end of everything
not even blackness
like before we are born
its like non existence
its not so bad
i was blissfully unaware all through the witchtrials n WW1
the bubonic plague?
the eruption of vesuvius?
the destruction of the alexandrian library?
i wasnt there
and its nice to suddenly pop up in 1954
all the hard works been done
hey folks it was civilization
all the nasty contagious diseases gone
all the big wars done for a while at least
sk turns up
hangs around for a while
i cant remember anyone explaining death to me
it was just there like winter and tooth decay
if i’d had past lives
i couldnt remember them
but that means almost nothing:
last night as i lay abed dreaming
i couldnt remember my “real” life at all
this one ive led nearly 54 years
and one little dream blotted it out
one little dream concealed my life from my mind
the dream told me i was doing this n that
i couldnt remember steve kilbey
the dream fed me my reality and i swallowed it whole
until i awoke
now the dream is almost concealed from me
in a few hours it will be nothing
never to be recalled again
imagine then the long sleep of death
its power to hide your memories
energy that is you
the essential “i”
i am i am i am
the spirit energy that cannot be burned or crushed or extinguished
in the bhagavad gita (the blessed lords song)
arjuna cannot fight in a war that must be fought
he breaks down and admits to krishna his friend
that he has no stomach for this fight
loathe to kill warriors on the other side who are from his own clan
krishna admonishes his friend and disciple
never was there a time all these kings and soldiers did not exist
never will there be a time when they cease to exist…
he tells arjuna the soul cannot perish
that it merely takes on new clothes and another face
this is what the hindus and also the buddhists believe
it is at the core of their faiths
this tiny chunk of spirit
broken off from the main spirit
(of course i’m talking in broad laymans terms here)
sits in the pineal gland …the third eye…the seat of the soul
interfacing with the body and mind
directing them as a driver directs a car
playing out another part in a huge cosmic play
of course after accepting that
the hindus and the buddhists split
the hindus say the soul becomes refined
eventually ready to go back to god
a personalised god
a huge formless god
planets of dakinis at your bidding
as a mote of light in gods glorious effulgence
the buddha says
the soul should be extinguished
free from desires causing us to reincarnate
in this vale of tears behind a veil of tears
buddha saw reincarnation as a bus to jump off of
he wanted to break the wheel of eternal return
then the soul could enter nirvana
a permanent cessation
an extinguishment
not being and not not being
isnt it funny
that as a “western christian-like” creature
i fear the void of nothingness like nothing else
yet as a would-be buddhist
i revere this nothingness as a great peaceful sea
a sea i will slip into like a drop slipping into the silver sea
regarding my lives on earth as a tortuous ordeal
i will aspire to this non-being with all my being…
death researchers report tunnels and the whitelight
christ-esque figures greet near dead travellers
husbands n wives n fathers n mothers waiting for them too
feeling of bliss and peace
scientists gleefully dismiss these experiences
as the hallucinations of a dying brain
(all that dmt from the pineal)
heart attack survivors report in minute detail
scenes as they hover over their lifeless bodies
while ambulance men frantically try to revive
some report a choice (should i stay or should i go)
i saw a show on an old man who died in hospital
yeah his quack said
this dude was deader than a doornail for a while
the old guy says
he was released of pain
of restriction
of worry
he rushed down the astral path
the white light blazing ahead
he meets this lovely lovely cosmic geezer
it could have been jesus or someone like him…
this geezer says
go back old timer
go back for a little while longer
no says old bloke
i like this much better out here
go back old codger says jesus
i promised your wife she could have a little more time
you did? says the old guy
its up to you says jesus
the old guy reluctantly lets himself be revived
back to the pain
back to the hospital
he tells the story to his loving wife
thats right she says
i did do a deal with the man
he said i could have you for just another year
and they both were happy

i guess you could conclude a few things here
1 the old guy was hallucinating
2 the old guy was an actor in a tv hoax in attempt to garner ratings
3 the old guy was telling the truth as he saw it
after all that
i reach no conclusions
i believe in an afterlife
i believe in reincarnation
i sometimes doubt it all too
sometimes im just not believing anything
otherdays i believe everything im told it really such a bitch?
as bad as life?
what the hell is going on?
wouldnt you like to know?

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