when its over
when its all over
walk to houses
in darknesses
your skin is shivery
shuddering slightly
as neurons and nerves still fizz and pop
trees black shapes in warm night
girl in dreamy mood
you try to talk
what was it you said
did it make any sense
suddenly back in the world of sense
no longer sensual or sensuous or
empire of the senses
just sense
a name
a number
a number of names
names of numbers
the mundane world was waiting
but i reentered it from another angle
i had been a seer
and i had seen
i had penetrated some of earths mystery
but what was it now you thought about it
so much uncontainable with words
much of a muchness you might say
all too much indeed
hard to tell what happened as it happens
im having a shower terri says as she wanders away
you walk into town and buy some fanta
unbelievably you meet 2 guys you know from canberra
staying in a big house a few miles away in the night
room for me ? you say
yeah they say
and you climb in the back of their panel van
stretch out on the mattress in the back
they never even wake you up when they arrive
you go on sleeping until morning
climb out
its the next day
as per usual
the festival begins
bands come on
some amazingly good
some amazingly fucking bad
its loud and hot
your sunburnt and your ears hurt
you buy your first ever veggie burger
ah its delicious
down at the creek the people are bathing naked
steven you got an eyefull
your friends from canberra getting eyefull as well
people tripping and naked women
music jamming the frequencies
yeah offer the cops some flowers
smoking cigarettes with strangers
tully or some one
or tamam shud
or khavas jute
which was it
oh they were real real good
the music was picking up from mushrooms echoes
the music at this volume with all these people
the music with guitars spiralling upwards like a galaxy
the music pounding out the beat
all the players blond longhaired jesus like that
the bass guitar so fat and juicy exploding in your abdomen
like a lovely kick in the minds guts
the bass guitar pumping and rolling
the bass guitar travelling so low just above the ground
the bass guitar like a rubber punch in the head
the bass guitar like a brutal bastard
the bass guitar pummels you into next week
the bass guitar oh yeah
wow doesnt that make up your mind
toby twirl in the boiling crowd
wow hes wasted i guess
king astral come on
theyre ok
theyre pretty good
theyre alright
terrys good though
terry looks like apollo up there
his white precision
his bare feet
the wind lifts hair like a halo around him
he stares out skywards
like hes communicating with zeus
i like the music
but not the singer
hes a bit of a shouter
macho moves too
of course
it turns out
he is terris boyfriend
everything is strange
you see them together
how do you feel
sick
why dwell on it
you could have made a mountain out of it
you hopped in back of mates panel van with 2 other guys
you drove away
back down the coast
smoke cigarettes
drink flavoured milk
eat chips and toasted tomato sandwich
dropped off at terris house
where blue car waits patiently
a gentle melancholy has set in
the elation has ebbed away
the rain is falling like it was only a few nights ago here
same rain
same night
no terry
or terri
just you
the mazda starts up with a cough and a jerk
radio playing if not for you
a sweet stab in your heart
it reminds you of them
and that eternity ago
when you were on the road to nimbin
only a matter of days
the pebbles crunch underfoot
the lawn is lush
a man comes out of the gate
looks at me as i drive off
the father i suppose
he certainly looked like it
there absence is an ache to me
i miss them
im so lonely and lonesome and alone
i drive south towards sydney
some people there maybe i could stayanight
sydney with his lights and noise
i want to drown my loneliness amongst its crowds
i’ll go to bondi and eat chips and body surf
i’ll think of terry and terri constantly
i’ll feel like i’m grieving and leaving and temporary
i’ll watch telly and have a cup of tea
i’ll have a proper shower
and a lie down
i’ll walk down hall street at night
see my reflections in the windows
hear music in my head
feel better
soon