up at my mothers
ardent street
its raining cats and bloggs
walk down thru the village
to the lake
silvering in the dusk
rain from above
fish from underneath
causing ripples on glassy surface
a sign says
wait for the ferry
and hope

i light my spliff
look out over water
rain starts up
draw smoke down

reverie:
travel along a street in brisbane
1981
4 am
peter k at the wheel
pile into hotel laughing
its the wrong hotel

caravan park
south coast
1972
eric and i go to buy beers
i buy 2 rum and colas
we smoke marlboros
we wear levis
cotton tshirts
and thongs
we dont talk much
tomorrow is new years eve
i walk around in bottleshop naively
surfers buying beer
a blond blur
red lights on the harbour
pleasure craft
on the edge of leaving
childhood for ever
pelicans on the pier
in the scraggly drizzle
teenage girls wander
into the sea mist night
cmon eric says
lets go

1982
germany somewhere
a dodgy english tour manager
driving down the autobahn
in an absolute downpour
he pulls over
he turns around
ive had enough
you drive
he points to me
but i just smoked
AND
ate
a load of hash, man
plus i aint slept for 3 nights
plus
ive never
ever
driven
on the other side of the road…
good fucking time to learn sunshine
sk
in mercedes
others stoned
drunk
asleep
on wrong side of the road
in germany
in storm
and porsches
whizzing past
at 200 miles an hour
like we’re standing still
ladies and gentlemen
this is your captain speaking
please wake up
i dinnae know what the fook!

so i sit by the lake
3 evil chimneys rising from
otherwise placid scene
mordor-on-macquarie
memories come unbidden

cabins in ferries
the shiny stuff inside guitar cases
playing the market squares in italy..

gripping my seat
sitting next to jay dee
on a plane between
london and new york
that just dropped
straight down
for about 30 seconds
jay dee
says nothing
but his eyes say
fuck this

niagra falls
the louvre
rehearsing in some basement
writing starfish
los angeles
i really liked it there
at first…..
jacuzzis
going shopping at 3 in the morning
dont make eye contact
mexican food for breakfast
singing lessons on h.wood bullyvarde
ploogy screaming at the barbequers
at the apartments
ploogy and i share an apt
the characters he goes out
and finds
and brings back
and invites to stay
shamen
rastas
freebasers
hippies
moondogs
will o the wisps
freaks
gurlss
sk hears rap for the first time
this is 1987 now,
a huge pounding racket
coming up the street
fuck
i hope that dont catch on…..!
ploogy buys these great pipes down at venice beach
we trawl thru the markets
we meet blond wide eyed kids
ploogy speaks the lingo
these should be good…
he says
sky becomes convex
i feel so good
speeding down the pacific highway
in some ones convertible
oh no
is that ploogy driving
turn up at some house
pan is in the garden
he smiles from under a tree
man turning into frog
gurlss say
oooh we love yr accents
i never heard of ya says surfer
ploogy says try this
go on…!
peyote?
i dunno….
the stars intensify
a hundred people in my ears
clamminess
stickiness
some of me leaves my body
whatever is left is confused
night whirls
pan still laughing in the garden
you know who i am he says
ploogy laughing and carrying on
as if he really belonged
as if he had known em all his life
more people arrive
my blood
is rushing and exploding
suddenly i suss everything
the meaning of it all
the big question
everything i wanted to know
and it was
its ok

who will love my memories
when i am gone
i cant bear to think
there will be no one
to love my memories
my delicate elusive memories
my half untrue
half dreampt up memories
my painted on
rose colour memories

postscript
the shadows which run in my mind
remain unviewed
they intimidate
without revealing themselves
everytime i should feel good
something goes
but what about….?
and everything is ruined
i cant dredge the damned thing up
is it like that for you?
niggling
worrying
problematic
things
buried deep
getting at you forever
what do you think they are?
how can we ever be free of them?
folks
we need some fucking nepenthe down here
we want to remember
we want to forget
we want to merge
we want to be alone
we want
and
we want
and
we want
never
on the wildest drug
on the biggest stage
with the most beautiful people
in the fastest car
in the coldest ocean
in the saddest film
with the nicest cheque
or the oldest wine
or the most lovely weather
never
has the wanting
left off
even for a minute
what do you want then?
i dunno
why should we be interested?
i bet you want it too
i wish i could bottle it
i wish i could play it
i wish i could paint it
i wish i could put it in a blog
for you
and
you
and
even
you
baybee
im gonna keep trying
to bring it back
anyway
even if i never succeed
what else can you do
its out there somewhere…
the troof
its gotta be better than the lize
its gonna set us free someday
yeah
alright!
all of us, my friend
sooner or later
WE GOT TO FIND OUT!!
doesnt that make you excited????