posted on August 7, 2008 at 8:59 pm

*now with new improved drizzle

ganesha is looking good
nk, who has a soft spot for him, has approved
“but dont call him jumbo” she says

ive given him a nice silver paisleyish cloaky-thingy
i must say he’s looking kinda smart
i must say i think he’s happy with it
the only thing thats really bad now in my painting
is the cars…
trees…i can do trees
cars….ive never tried before and theyre hard to do
like my eyes see one thing
my mind sees another
my hands try to mediate between the 2
the result is some horrible little silly cars
driving up bondi road :
checklist of ganesha in bondi
golden bloody helmut glitt’ring with jewels check
warm pinky red skin that has form check
pearls check
border of eyes check
the houses n shops of bondi check
the veggy-tation check (but needs more work)
the sea check (waves?)
the sky check (clouds?)
the cars NO CHECK horrible and silly
those f@#$ing cars
suddenly i feel like i’m back in school
about 11 or 12 trying to draw cars
i never did
something about them i havent yet grokked
you gotta grok everything
not so much understand but grok
grok was a word invented for a book
but its invention necessitates its use
you gotta grok a bass guitar for egg-sample
you understand it
yes yes
you know it goes boom boom
you know its wood and strings and that
but you dont grok it yet
took me ages to grok it
it wasnt a sudden grok neither
it was a long torturous process
i am not great at grokking
many people grok faster than i
my only superiority in any thing
in that i always perceive the need to grok
and i know when i havent grokked
and i search for the key which will unlock the grokking
i havent found that key for cars
ha ha honey i cant find the car key
my mind just bamboozles my eye
it goes
hey eye
we know what a car looks like…right?
we’ll take over here
right hand this is the mind
we dont need those eyes wasting time
examining how cars look
so i’m taking over here
ok pick up your brush and paint
the hand : well…? what now…?
the mind : well ah…just…oh i dont know..have a go
the hand : how about this
the mind : oh god thats awful..
the hand : you didnt give any direction, mate
the mind : its a f#$@ing car for godsake
the eye : if i maybe so bold…?
the mind : no you may not….
the hand: hey eye , i need some guidance here..
the mind : i know a car when i see one
the heart : the truth is to grok the car switch off the mind
the mind : no no dont switch me off…aaargh!
the hand the eye the heart : good riddance…!
so yeah
not having managed to switch off ye olde minde
i have not yet grokked how to draw cars
instead of my expectation of what a car should be
mem says draw yer hands every morning
well last night i drew myself a hot bath
then i drew the curtains
then bedtime drew nigh
and i drew my sweet wife to me
and then after
i drew sleep down upon me
i drew andrew
andy did
so grok grok grok
ganesha with iffy cars and a cloudless sea and waveless sky
finally, the great australian masterpiece has arrived
done in love
all the ingredients in this painting were gifts
i want for nothing
although having not put the lids back on properly
some of my metallics are forever stuck in their little jars
rip silver and no more gold
stuff is everywhere
the turquoise has reappeared
and is all over the carpet along with a light pink pastel
its quite pretty really
and nothing that a brand new carpet wouldnt fix

i cant believe in one hour
i will jump in the pool which has gotta be no more than 14 today
there are very few winter swimmers down there
a few old russians
a few old aussie diggers who are there come sleet hail or lightnin’
a few regs like jo jo the swede
like dr mark who sells solar panels
or dr penelope
or gary the south african archi-tect
sometimes a few young scruffy musicians
trying to escape their hangover via low temperatures
well…it works
after immersing myself in freezing cold water
and swimming in it for twenty laps
i feel like ive taken some A class drug
without any of the nasty bits
(ie arrest, death, addiction)
no hang on…i am addicted to it
i am addicted to jumping in the pool
almost everyday
regardless of weather or mood
i cant bear to miss it
but its a big price to pay
the time
the shock
the discipline to stay in
the time in the sauna to warm up again
the commitment to keep going
if you can do that
you can reap these strange rewards
unexpected journeys
your mind goes off
as you push through that green glassy water
as you see the sandy patterns on the bottom of the pool
as the sea washes over the side a whole degree warmer
and all foamy like a bubble bath
and your body has gone this peculiar numb warm
and i feel my heart slow down
i feel my nerves relax
i feel my worries fly away somewhere warm
i feel the coughs and colds piss off outta my system
its an arcane and esoteric thing
this cold clear water
and when it rains
and you swim alone in this big pool
and theres only you
and thoughts cease to be thoughts
they become a pure vision of form or sound
wordless realms
i ceases to operate
i am the cold water
my breathing is deep and regular
i swim almost effortlessly
some olde bones and sinews complain a bit
but nothing you cant ignore
the water is creamy cold
you love to be frozen
because in it is….warmth
in the opposite you found the familiar
in the pool
you solve all your art problems
and you realise nothing much really matters
its so easy to pass from one state of consciousness to another
moods come and go
the cold water is patient
but then i grokked it
it took a long time
but i knew it must be possible to grok it
i saw others swimming in the cold water
and i knew there was something in it
so i persevered
and now….

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