posted on October 29, 2008 at 8:28 pm

i’m writing my own acka dacka songs from now on
for a start that geezer is one of the only blokes older than me
still going in rocknroll
so i’m a spring chickling compared to his venerable old carcass
ive already been shopping round for the hat
and i found a nice one at grimsbys fashions for seniors
with kilbey plaid on it
i wear it at a rakish angle
looking like a cross between andy capp n sid james
(‘allo darlin’!)
i’m taking some waddle n strut lessons from a man at the pub
including hefting guitar playing fifty year old school children aloft
(not tripping over their homework etc) and staggering about
i’m working on some lyrics…here ‘ave a look
n tell me what you think….
i’m thinking of calling this one something like…


i woz out one day walking my cock-er(wink to lads in crowd)

and i wanna get me hands on yer BIG KNOCKERS

dont look down cos my sausage is a shocker
(then crowd joins in)
and we wanna get out our hands on yer BIG KNOCKERS

love to roll my baby cos ya know she is a rocker
but i wanna bang bang wif yer BIG KNOCKERS
(fists punch the air on bang bang)

look i know its a still in an embryonic stage
i know a few parts need some work
i’ll be polishing it up a little over the coming months
as i do my vocal warm ups
i’m going for a cross between
a bawling cockney sergeant major
and an old codger sitting down in a bath
and suddenly finding out thats its much too hot…
look it aint easy to sing like that
and i wanna look like the foreman on a demolition site
bellowing through the unbelievable racket going on around him
actually people have said to me
steven just ignore the singing n words…listen to the music
just ignore the singing n words!
like go n see this film…ignore the acting n the script..but otherwise..
how can you ignore the words n singing to a song?
how can one compartmentalize music like that?
ooh thats enough now steven john my boy
why do those guys push yer buttons?
oh i dont know..its so benny hill
i genuinely feel so fucking sorry for any young man
standing row upon row with others
with my fist in the air and mouthing the words..
whats wrong with me…?
dont i like fun..?
everybody should get some fun…thats what the west is all about
‘aving a bit of fun

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