posted on April 11, 2006 at 12:34 am

identical twins
is there anything weirder
than identical twins
there was always at least one pair
at all my schools
i learnt early about the diff
between fraternal and identical twins
we had the abbott twins who were 2 peas inna pod
and we had the holloways
brian had almost white hair and darker skin
john altho he looked like brian
his hair was sandy and he was paler
maybe weighed a little more
a pair of identicals usually reduced me
to some silly state of envy confusion
a willingness to want to penetrate this thing
this doubling up of nature
why did that egg split and become 2?
no body knows that answer
i say
2 souls with same right to egg
“i tell ya what, sis, i’ll go ya halves”
2 souls with something left unfinished
2 arch enemies reunited as duplicates
2 strangers on a train
like the rest of us
wow i used to hang around sometimes
with these guys the king twins
they were so fucking identical
it took me ages to figure it out
oh those beautiful subtle differences
which your eye can seize upon
so you dont get fooled
so you dont make that ultimate faux pas, pa
ya call em by the other ones name
yeah ident-y-cal twinss
what a fucking trip
all those movies where id groan
when ya realise
oh no it was a bloody identical twin
that did it
the evil twin gone wrong

i saw a film once bout 2 i. twins
somewhere in usa
they play around do this n that
but at dinner time only one goes in
the other waits outside
we eventually come to realise
that one is dead
only the other twin sees him
the dead twin urges the other on to evil deeds
etc etc
oh and the grandmother teaches him how to
see thru the eyes of the birds
oh yeah that my kinda film
why not more of this stuff
and less of copsnrobbers?
shakespeare had twins
he had twins in his plays too
but now ive seen the true joys n tribulations
of being an i. twin
ive seen the confidence
the camaraderie
the support
the gestalt
ive seen all the other stuff too
the comparisons
the mistakes
the part of a package deal
double trouble!!
if i hadda buck fer everytime i heard that
you cannot even begin to guess what they share
how their relationship is
because the other one has always been there
right from the second that ole eggy
went splitsville
(and fiendss, they can split 3 ways too)
there she was, the double
the mirror
yer best friend forever n ever
twins fight like demons
ive seen e and m lookin round for anything
they could lay their hands on
scissors vases anything
they go at it tooth n nail
suddenly its over
not a word
all friendly
you cant intervene
one day in sweden one twin rings me up
at my place not too far away
theyre about 6or 7 then
daddy can you come over and punish her
shes been really bad to me
ok im comin right over
i get there
its the twin who rung answers the door
ok i say
im gonna make her sorry she did this..
is that what ya want? i say
she nods
shes determined
give her a smack daddy she says
vengeance in her eyes
i go in the bedroom
the other one in there
i say to her
you better pretend im punishing ya
scream n carry on
so she does
she starts wailing
im yelling n pretending
of course
the other one bursts in
no daddy no
but i thought you wanted her punished
yes daddy
sometimes theyd cry when the other one was hurt
even if they werent there at the time
i tell ya one thing
if you took one of em out on their own
they would rapidly begin to miss the other
and theyd always say i wish she was here
we made up lots of games
walking round stockholm
kicking stones
or suddenly 2 of us
running away and hiding from the other one
we were even still playing that one
last year actually
we went down the coast
stopped at kiama to see the blowhole
which is almost never blowing
one twin uses the toilet
other twin quick as flash
lets hide daddy
we behind a tree
when other one comes out
its starting to rain
and shes realising shes in a strange town
and her father n sister seem to have skedaddled
the other one with me is laughing cracking up like a fiend
i cant bear to see the other one so dismayed
we jump out from behind our spot
ha ha ha
just like olde times..
i was myself dismayed
to find out today
that i musta been naive
to think one i. twin was
gonna have something and
not the other
minnas got the same condition
i might be goin over soon for a little while
i dunno
i think its all gonna be alright

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