words are hard to find
last night i dreamed i had a day to live
i had been diagnosed with cancer in my head
and i had one day to live…
deep in my dream
i had no idea i was lying in bed dreaming…
i was at some hotel/gig/ concert
everyone knew i was gonna die tomorrow
i was on the phone trying to make arrangements…
who would look after my family…?
who would raise my poor sweet daughters…?
still the time ticked on in my dream
tomorrow loomed impossibly although it never arrived
tomorrow just sat there threatening tho’ never revealing itself
i still had to play my show
whatever it was i was booked for
they were holding me to it….
i railed against my fate in my head
i imagined my obituaries
no no …this could not be happening to me
i mean….tomorrow….
the doctor was specific…tomorrow!
were they gonna euthanase me or what?
i met people i knew
oh too bad about tomorrow they all said
and went back to their usual chatter
all the things that would be happening after i was gone
i tried to call my wife
but couldnt get through all the tears
it was tomorrow
tomorrow
tomorrow
a big black nothing waiting to swallow me up
leaving everyone i cared for bereft
leaving everything undone
death didnt care
it was waiting patiently for tomorrow
my last night finally arrived
in a haze of tears and confusion i wandered the streets
people going about their usual things
all would still remain when i was gone
everything carrying on as before
i would fall
but everything else would carry on
as it will and it should
ah…..
the dream never finished properly
obviously i woke up
it was 8 00 on a dreary monday morning
i was still alive
no death sentence
everyone else here asleep
the streets quiet
a heater lightly whirring on
the house silent
i feel shaken
i feel scared
i feel temporary
the world seems strange, almost counterfeit
i feel spooked
a warning?
or just my stupid mind playing havoc within itself..
(kilbey suppresses a shudder…)
ok then