last night at 930 i took a little pill
it had a dragon on it
i wash it down with a glass of champers
and a joint chaser
you see new years eve is an excuse to overdo it
its the tradition
nothing happens for a while….
after about half n hour i feel a warm flash
slight nausea n dizziness
then im catapulted into some other dimension
thats always there
its indescribable
doesnt matter what i say here
i dont care if yer anti-drugs neither
the dragon opened up a lovely door n i stepped thru
ah sweet sweet romantic hours
i stagger out to watch fireworks from kitchen
wow im so confused….
i collapse into bed at 300
totally blasted out of my sweet mind
oh so nice to get out of that mind for a few hours
im someone else
i walk around on softly padding feet
my voice has become soft, almost inaudible
im knocking back champagne mixed with raspberry cordial
(a house specialty)
smoking dope like its going out of fashion
(it IS out of fashion)
i seem to have lost myself
a new me standing looking out of my eyes
this new me has no past or future
he remembers nothing
he cant really make sense of the world
the simplest things seem so difficult
i pour the champagne and my hands seem miles away
i catch sight of myself in the mirror
is that really me
my pupils so huge
like im taking everything in
my face is flushed and i look like a wildman
i wouldnt like to get in a lift with a guy like that
i stare at myself
my own face has always fascinated me
it always looks so different
now its the face of a stranger
my wife appears like a pale angel
when we kiss it seems centuries pass
there is no before n after
only a now
here in the sunroom with the christmas tree lights winking
the ipod hi fi plays
massive attack
spain
goldfrapp
marconi union
all around distant parties laughter
random local fireworks go off
of course baby bloody bumper wakes up now n then
i seem to get in a loop that last for years
the baby cries
i get her off to sleep
i sneak out to waiting wife
when…..
boo hoo boo hoo
baby has woken up again..
and it starts over
it seems like forever
i been doing this
i am in a pleasant detached place
where there is no memory conscience or pain
i move in slow mo thru the thick air
perfect weather
a warm night with delicious sea breezes
is this how life was in the garden?
why cant it be this always
a living dream
a fantasy
a watercolour mirage of soft pleasure
however
today when i wake up
im totally fucked
no energy
no nothing
i end up sleeping in till 5!
i still feel pretty bloody wasted
i walked down the beach with evie
and it washed it off a little
anyway
no more strength left to ……