posted on October 16, 2009 at 4:15 am

richard from darwin has requested a blogge about fame

although i have never had true fame
i have had a little taste of it
i wanted to be famous and rich
but who didnt?
i felt like i was destined for something
and i was always sick of real life
i wanted to be famous because
i thought that life would fall in my lap
and for a short while life did indeed fall in my lap
ive never really been particularly materialistic
among my many many faults and defects
greediness for possessions has not been one
nevertheless i would have enjoyed a villa and a pool
and a flash car
the flashest car i ever had was a renault
the only house i ever had was a little terrace in dirty rozelle
mice fleas mozzies pollution
no pool no library no grounds
my money all went into musical equip then into drugs
i felt dissatisfied with my bit of fame
it seemed like an ever receding horizon….
just around the corner was the real thing but it was ever elusive
in the fleeting long ago days when teens mobbed me
i was embarrassed and then angry with the stupidity of it
luckily that only lasted a few weeks
then my fame was in drips n drabs
i’d be famous at a gig on saturday night
but by sunday morning i was back to being an idiot again
to some i was the marc bolan character that bolan had been to me
some mythical angle-faced rockstar plunking a bass in sydney
to some bedsit fanboy in england
or to some shy awkward girl in the usa
sydney would assume mythical status
as london had to me when i lived in canberra
the grass is always greener n cheaper on the other side of the pond
kids in new york city used to say to me
wheres it happening…i bet its happening in sydney…
kids in sydney say to me
wow! i wish i could go to new york….
but my fame wasnt anywhere
occasionally i got spotted somewhere
sometimes in my tired/emotional days too
when i didnt wanna be spotted
hocking my guitars or selling my vinyl
or waiting for some dealer in an alley
or walking up the steps to the methadone clinic
or coming out of a courtroom in new york by an aussie reporter
or at an NA meeting or in a rehab joint
or by customs officers
hey its steve kilbey!!
my fame is like an untended garden half ruined half overgrown
in the one year of semi-fame in america i was fighting with other members
i woke up one morning n it was over
and i hadnt really enjoyed it
i went to game theory show once in 88
and the whole audience were gawking it me instead of the band for a minute
that was about as silly as it ever got
i perceive fame as ruinous thing
many think that they could take it on
but only the strong can withstand it
it has always amazed me how normal paul n george n ringo were
after all that they went thru
it is unimaginable what their lives were like..the unreality of it
but absolute fame fucked marc bolan in about five minutes
left him clueless and ridiculous
it also musta done elvis in
can you imagine his sorry life…?
bob dylan had to go sideways to get away from it
dya know what i mean?
he had to kinda enter another place to avoid the hugeness of his fame
n then theres all those actors that were done over by fame
not many can handle it
especially these days when all the gloves are off
posh spice n all that crowd…do they look happy to you?
and of course we’re going thru those times
when fame n infamy blur
as long as you had yer name in the news
you can sell yer story
look at ronnie biggs n oj n paris hilton et al
but you cant ever turn it off
you cant stop em gawking at ya just coz you dont want it
fame is a gonna crave it when its gone
and you can never get enough even when its making you sick…
when you feel like a wreck
but you gotta be famous on some stage
or get on some plane somewhere
or some guy has cornered you at a party
and hes in yer face n hot under the collar
coz youre famous n hes not
but he thinks he should be
so he wants an argument with ya
and people have to be doubly rude to ya
coz they assume that yer a arrogant prick
coz you were on mtv last night
and other people just stare at you like youre a statue
and others think you got the power to help their career
and others want to pick your brains
and others wanna tell you how much they dont know who you are
excuse me but ive never heard of you
and others dont like you clowning around
and blah blah blah
i knew i was gonna be famous
i knew right from the start
n when i 1st saw the beatles i thought
thats it…my way in…
lucky i had a little music in my genes
n lucky i was vaguely good looking
n lucky i could vaguely manage to sing
n lucky that i was smart enough to figure it all out
n lucky that i lived in a day n age with no wars n plagues
so idle young fops like me could explore dissolute fame
and for a little while it was ok
am i famous now?
no not really
i’m a micro-celebrity at best
isnt that a thing to be?

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