killer gets up early so he can type type type
killer goes on le balc
and has an early morning jazz smoke
now here i am
giving you my all and only
my dear readers
well my plane didnt crash
it was late but it did nae crash
it was a crowded n unremarkable flight
i tried to work on my lappy
but the geeza in fronts seat came right back
n i couldnt type a word in fuckin’ edgewise
after a while i skimmed thru the qantas menu
and ended up watching a show bout these naughty bloggers in blighty
the girl with the one track mind etc
all narrated by a scottish git with one of them edinburgh accents
that made it sound so urgent and fucking important
like he was discussing nuclear weapons or climate change or somethin’
anyhow
this naughty girl was doing naughty things with naughty men
and writing about it
it was quite naughty for qantas i guess
n featured very naughty naked bosoms (quite gratuitously )
and very naughty bits where the ladies read out their blogs
ie
i said to him
ooooh i wanna @#$%$ your @#$#$&
and he said oooh i wanna $%*& yer lovely great &^&*((%
and i said oooh you aint half naughty!!
etc
nevertheless
i remained unaroused in my cramped old seat
and was gladly glad when ye olde plain hit the ground
the lady picking us up had forgotten where the van was parked
we sat in the shade of a coolibah tree
and waited for her to find it
i checked in my apt
to find ricky rene maymi has snaffled the best room
we have a balc over looking the carpark….oooh nice
soon a triffid drops in with some jazzy jazz
ricky hooks up his computer thru the stereo
n soon we gotta bitta atmosphere going
we go over for dinner at a jap place
i get served freakin pork dumplings
which i understand to be tofu
i take a bite and
FUCK THIS BULLSHIT!
i spit out this foulness
this bits of dead piggy wig
yeccchhh!
i feel violated but didnt swallow any of that filth
ok
i just fucking carry on
what can ya do?
i drink some sake
the triffids all come out n join us
mick harvey from the bad seeds etc is an interesting n funny bloke
mark snarski tells me he dont wanna sit nexta to me
cos i look too bloody healthy
“this is sposed to be rocknroll” he says
n orders some disgusting smelling sqiddley diddley
n lights up a foul cigarette
if thats fucking rocknroll
then my dick is a kipper
(as my dad used to say)
i get up n leave
me n ricky check out the venue
AND IT IS AN ABSOLUTE TOP SHELF CORKER !!!
(ie for foreign readers the kilbster is well pleased)
its a great big lovely outdoor stage
there are sofas n stools n tables n chairs
it is well civilized
all around looms the botanic gardens
n the suave skyscrapers
and fountains n rivers n trees n affluent people
oooh i like it
like a jehovahs witnesses idea of heaven i seen in their pamphlets
i’m really looking forward to singing my songs there
then back to hotel
an early night
this email connection is costing me 25 bucks a day
so dont say i never buy ya nothing
anyway at 330 in the morning
the fire alarm goes off
ricky cant be bothered getting up
but i wander downstairs
where the whole hotel is lined up
in various states of undress n undies
i see mick harvey standing on the street
looking like an owl whod fallen out of its nest
finally were all let back in
me
n ricky who finally gets up
we sit there at 4 am smoking n talking on the balcony
finally i neeed to release some stress
i yell out at the bastard moon and stars
and all of sleeping perth
FUCK YOU! I”M WORKING FOR GRAHAM LEE!!!!!