and then someone said
hey stevie k come n play
oh no not i i said
feeling churlish and undomesticated
oh ho they said
would you play the real thing
stevie ks pointy ears pricked up maliciously
you mean ummau ummau ummau real thing
yes my man
the very psychedelicest oz rock classic
and then some my friend
as well as
why not sing that sublimest song
wide open road….?
the very same
that means 2 oz rock classics i will do
yes yes
so i find myself in old melbourbon
the fucking town hall…no less if you like, mr christian
i find meself staying at oh such a lah de dah hote-tell
what a view our little stevies got, eh auntie lou
ooh err he can see all the way to the sea
hes done well our little lad then…our steven john?
by looks of ‘is ‘otel hes done real well
anyway he goes to his rehearsals
and lo
it was full of nice blokes
nice blokes following:
all the triffids
all russell morris band….
everyone associated with the musick biz
john laws gotta lifetime achievement award
cried?…sorry my onion wasnt working
i see the ex leader of the hippo-sition
kim beazley m.p.
hes wandering around
i said to timmy p
you wanna see me razz kimmy bees-lee?
yeap says tp
i go up to kimbo
hey jesus christ
its kim beazley and i shake his hand
hello says the big fella pleased to be recognized here
kim beazley im saying in wonderment
i loved that second album you did…when you kicked those other guys out
the big fella took it well
yeah yeah he laughed
then they kicked me outta the group eventually too…ha ha
(note to non oz residents beazley was deposed as leader of labor)
i smoke a joint in front of dame judith durham
i see keith potger and talk to rolf harris
i see james reyne in the toilets
we dont really dig each other i guess
hi james i say as i do a wee wee
blah blah blah
finally time to go on with russell morris
if you aint heard the real thing
get it
download it
this is a bona fide oz masterpiece
2 years too late
but as good as anything any body bar the beatles ever did
i strapped on me fender
boom boom boom
out go my legs in yoga poses
i straddle the stage
i make some mistakes
but hey what the fuck
im playing the real thing with russell morris
our hammonds gone down
but me n tp are kicking it along
umma ummau ummau ummau mau mao mow mao wow
boom boom boom goes slimbo n timbo
a three piece girl choir singing along
the piano players bangin’ those 88s
hey paul in canberra..thats me up there with russell
hey paul from moorabin..thats me playing the bass
what a thrill to relive these moments of perpetual past
i strap on my axe like a gnarled old gladiator
i wade into the thick of music
like a warrior
the bass is a like a bazooka
it is the great leveller
the bottom line
and we pumped it out baby chunky and delicious
then i hang about
the red faced big bellied boozers slap each others gucci’d backs
and congratulate each other on being there
the fat cats n execs
the perennial old boors and braggarts
the characters too
the lovable louts and the bullies with hearts of gold
but
an inevitable gulf exists between me n them
their boozy steaky bigtalk world is not mine
i am literally too sensitive to deal with em
so i just ignore em
i make music
they cant n dont
so good luck to em
for being so rich n powerful
but ha ha
i gotta laugh at you boys
you aint a pretty sight
meanwhile the triffs finally get on
nick cave inducts em from london
(wow! high praise indeed)
wide open road comes up
you know i love it
you know i wished i wrote it
maybe YOU didnt wish i did but i wish i did
i’m learning to sing it
i throw myself into it
i give it my all
i rip up my throat
i pour out my self
i put myself on the line
i sing this wonderful song with everything i got
whilst observing its strict timing and phrasing
i do good
we do good
people throw the word charisma at me afterwoods
shucks…who….me?…nah
the press are all over us in a flash
seriously in a room with 20 photographers
the triffids all holding their statuettes
the junky buried within says in my mind
oh boy you could hock one of those for a lot..
the press all like me
they take some individual shots of me
and they say complimentary things
thank you
thank you
glad i could brighton up the hall of foam this year folks
after show party stevie k?
no thanks my fiendss
not for this olde renaissance man
300 biz types in one place
all inebriated n gushing bullshit to each other
fuck no
i’d rather write my blog
anyday
who needs em?
tomorrow i fly home
no gigs in the future
hoping the triffids do play in mel n perf next year
russell morris knows where to find me
the roadcrew were magnificent
the caterers were cool
blah blah
its over
good night