deep dream
im flying
some lovely sky
some lovely time
i soar over the marshes and the towns
all i know is an all-pervading happiness
i understand this is …the real life, at last
connected yet free i drift over the land and sea
and i wondered what it was i wanted to remember
and i couldnt think of it at all
and i grasped at some truth to bring back with me
but everything was the truth
i could not break it into smaller bits
a noise from the outside world
was softly shattering my flight
terri girl
shes opened the car door
shes talking to you
i cant believe you arent really hungry
i am you say
im real hungry
how was your night in the car? she says
oh god im aching all fucking over you say
cmon she says taking your hand in the early dawning
we’re gonna have breakfast with toby twirl and his family
we walk along through a grove of trees
and paddocks with placid cows
although only vegetarian for 2 years
i have never regretted my decision
when i look into these animals big brown eyes
who could hurt a creature like this
we climb up a hill in the cloudy morning misty rain
already below us
trucks have arrived with amplifiers and lights and pa systems
a thousand kombis full of crazy ravers
tents being set up
outdoor sanitation (i had never seen these before)
people setting up stalls selling veg food
we come to little wooden home made house
with stained glass windows and wind chimes tinkling
some classic hippy opens the door
of about 45 or 50
i dont know
suntanned white bearded dressed in white
a sorta english accent or something
his face brightens when he sees terri
sweet young thing that you are, terebinthia he says
toby twirl she says as he embraces her
i hate to intrude on this moment
i fade back into the doorway
steve this is toby my godfather says terri
toby twirl used to be a musician back in the day
now hes retired and lives in this fantastical little house
with his wife and family
come in come in he says
he shakes my hand and smiles
oh i like this guy immediately
ive heard of him too
i have 2 of his records at home
and i saw him on gtk once
toby taught my brother to play bass and surf whispers terri
as we’re ushered into the kitchen
a slim blonde woman is cooking up some pears
she turns round and smiles
hi terri
renee this is steve says terri
hi steve she says
shes american says toby
in case you were wondering….
tobys brood of kids appear
all daughters of several different sizes
i get introduced
stella
eva
naomi
maria
and little blue
tobys kitchen window looks out over the countryside
gods own countryside
green green grass and mountains wreathed in low clouds
little twisted trees and funny little houses
hills and dales
so far from canberra and its backyards
and its townplanning and artificial lake
from its philistine yobbos
who wouldnt know a genius from a fool
they wouldnt know that a genius could be a fool either
because i was a fool who wanted to be a genius
or was it vice versa
the truth is that on this particular day
i was neither fool nor genius
just a skinny guy with long long hair and a sunburnt nose
dressed in a grandpa t shirt
i bought in surfers paradise 2 years ago
and the inevitable levis
i sat there quite dazzled by the bohemianess of it all
congratulating myself that i was here
but nervous i was gonna do something very un-hippylike
im reading t lobsang rampa i say to toby
and how are you getting along with that young man ?he said
i almost astral travelled the other night i say
everyone including the kids laughs at this
little blue the baby laughs along with the others
renee serves the pears
oh delicious i say
theres all these sultanas in there with the pears
theyre all swollen up sweet n warm
bursting inside your mouth
like the tiny grapes they once were
terri and i have 2 bowls
after breakfast toby and i wash up n dry
while renee and terri go off to another room
i hear them giggling and screaming
instinctively i know its about me and im embarrassed
toby is a cool guy for an old bloke
we talk about the music biz as he rinses the plates
in his little hippy kitchen in the early seventies
when such things were still possible
and i stood there drying up the dishes
and he told me where to put them
that terri is a lovely girl he says presently
yeah she is i sigh
toby rolls his after breakfast joint
i’d never been stoned in the day before
and i just sat there with my head spinning around and around
tobys dope made him talkative
and he began a long stoned ramble
which was impossible to unravel
the truth
the fabrications
the exaggerations
the pure fucking bullshit
what did it matter?
what did i care?
my mind was blown open over and out
toby twirl had an amazing wildean vocabulary
which he brandished at his enemies like a mace
and with which he flattered his friends in honeyed tones
his sentences were liberally strewn with names of stars
names of drugs
names of 2 bit journalists
names of ex wives and girlfriends
(seemed to be a few)
names of the cats hed played with
names of the fuckin’ publishers agents and managers
who screwed him (as he put it)
toby had met george harrison
hed taken acid with brian jones
hed hitch hiked with bolan in france
hed sold this many records in 1965
(a million years ago to me)
he met this chick at a festival
and made a film
and got arrested
and he did jiu jitsu now
and he had a degree
he was big in america in some places only
only the east and west coast he said ruefully
he didnt drink much he said
nor do i i said
the smell of beer frightened me
my mum and dad didnt hardly ever drink
i didnt like it and i associated beer with violence and philistines
i avoided drunks and drunk places
good thinking …toby said behind his beard
ive seen a lotta good cats fuck up on the sauce….
steve do you like to trip ? he asked
i felt the hand of fear clutch my guts tight
a cold frightened feeling shivered right up my spine
and my chakras went dark
i had never tripped
i didnt really want to
being stoned on pot was more than i could already handle
the stained glass writhed in the new sunlight that was pouring in
the motes of dust danced purposefully in the rays
everything in here was buzzing moving vibrating
i felt on the verge of some huge discovery
the secret of creation
pot was enough
i couldnt bear any more poignancy than this
i didnt want to trip
this was enough
yes i said
i love it i lied
toby poked around in his pantry a bit
he came back with something wrapped in brown paper
whats that? i say
toby shakes his head and smiles
gold tops!
inside the paper was 4 or 5 mushrooms
looking singularly unappetizing
oh toby i cant
oh no toby theyre yours
i couldnt
mate, ive got plenty growing out there he said
pointing to the undulating greeness outside his windows
he wrapped them again and put them in my hand
how could i say no to this man?
i accepted the mushrooms
thank you i said
thank you very much
take them with her toby said
who? i stupidly said
terri of course he said
terri