morning fiendss
i aint gonna blog bout iraq today
big sigh of relief
what would i know
youre right
im just an olde dope smoking hippy
not prepared to do anything
cowardly lazy peacenik
i mean imagine if it was world war 1
and my type had ruined that little picnic
imagine if we hadnt stopped them dominoes tumbling
in vietnam
imagine if all the pot smoking cowardly olde idiots
like me
had ruined the boer war
the crimean war
the hundred years war
the punic wars
cmon
imagine all them pot smoking peaceloving pacifist fools
those ignorant cowardly hippies like me
filling up history with….
gulp…
peace!!??
d’ya see fiendss
theres always a reason to go n fight someone somewhere
some reason why a loada women n children gotta die
just ask genghis or attila
or lord kitchener (whats a few men?)
imagine if all the countries on this earth turned
neutral?
like sweden
or switzerland
where would we be then?
cmon
the badde guys would run amok
i mean
the first world war….
we hadda fight that didnt we
my grandfathers hadda get mustard gassed didnt they
to stop the hun?
there was goode reason for it wasnt there?
for our glorious dead?
to get back that bit of land in alsace-lorraine or wherever
johnny got his gun?
the trenches?
the cannons?
gallipoli?
where would this world be now
if we hadnt had that “great” war?
you see im a good for nothing
stupid muso (who smokes pot)
i cant understand why people have to die
with land mines
and smarte bombs
and napalm
and bayonettes
whats wrong with me?
when will i learn?
gotta fight fire with fire
if theyve got fire
we have to get a bigger fire
if they take an eye n a tooth
we should take a hundred eyes n teeth
why cant i be brave n resolute
like messrs anonymous
now those guys are doing something
theyre prepared
i mean..
well…
it aint actually them doing it themselves…
well of course not
thatd be kinda dangerous….
wouldnt it?
i mean you could get hurt that way…couldnt you?
but you know
someones (other than them)
gotta do it
i mean imagine if all the soldiers in this world
on every side
chucked down their lovely guns
and started playing music and smoking pot
and we used all that “defence” money
to , you know, help people
or educate em or build swimming pools n libraries
jesus…what chaos
so i find myself truly chastised by messrs anonymous
(if theyre so brave..howcome they dont put their names
i stupidly wonder…?)
i’ll stick to what i know
i will be happy that my country of australia n england
followed a nonelected draft dodging ex alky coke dealing
death penalty advocating nepotistic man
of very little charm, intelligence or grace
into a little skirmish
to get those weapons of mass destruction
even tho we the people were not consulted
i trust em
well we had to stop mr hitler didnt we?
so just in case mr hussein was another hitler
we had to stop him, didnt we?
and if a few children have to die
well thats just the price you pay, isnt it?
(as long as it isnt my kids, cos theyre white n christians
and i kinda like them)
but theyll thank us for it eventually, wont they?
mr bush wouldnt get us involved in some outrageous
invasion of someone elses country for no reason
would he?
we must trust our leaders
thats what they do…lead….?!
youd be crazy to listen to
an olde cowardly pot smoking idiot like me
an idiot who marched against vietnam in the 60s n 70s
lucky it took us a while to stop that one
them dirty commies
wed all be speaking friggin vietnamese now, wouldnt we?
i should keep my head down
talk about what i know
which aint that much
leave war to the experts like mr bush
he knows what hes doing, doesnt he?
i mean hes got mr cheney, and that lovely miss rice
and mr rumsfield
and
(gee i wish lbj was still around)
cmon
those people gotta a handle on things
havent they?
c’mon
some wars are ok….arent they?
we gonna get them bloody terrorists aint we
we gonna torture them torturers aint we
we gonna make the world safe, aint we
i mean ok
we got a few nukes up our sleeves
but we’re the good guys, aint we
i mean
we speak english and are christians, aint we?
we wouldnt go around the world imposing our schtick
on other places willy nilly, would we?
and ya know what
i think god is on our side..
i think he wanted mr bush elected
to sort out all them villains
and any one whos saying”uhh, hold on a minute”
well theyre just uninformed traitorous seditous imbeciles
who aint got the stomach for the good fight
thats what all the bombs n mines are for..
gods own work
ok
im gonna keep silent from now on
gee
thanks messrs anon.
ya put me straight
im suitably chastised
now will you fuck off
while i dribble on about music n marijuana
and my memories
anyway
i guess those guys have enlisted by now
and on their way to the middle east
to stop evil
to save freedom
kick those bad guys arses
eat mcdonalds in baghdad
(and maybe if theres a little oil there too
well,
its an ill war that blows nobody up good…)
halliburton got some restructuring to do…
hurrah
hurrah
we have won a glorious victory
against the axes of eevil

anyway
i smoked a big fat joint yessaday
and wassa strummin mah guitar when….

oooops outta time
love
from
the cowardly custard