posted on March 9, 2007 at 7:48 pm

good morning fiendss
7 01 here in nth bondi
lassanite hadda strange time
i was asked by matt from lovetones
to be special guest for show in oxford st “the spectrum”
so i turned up at 7 30 after dropping in on mwp
and discussing another “show biz” offer we keep getting
oh my fiendss
not all publicity IS good publicity
i tried so hard to steer my band clear of schmaltz
n bullshit n award ceremonies n quiz fucking shows
you know last time i checked
renaissance men werent doing quiz shows
aint it funny how they always wanna getcha down to their level
ok the chirch maybe the most spectacularly unsuccessful band
in the history of music
no doubt largely due to my hopeless songs
my squeaky voice
and my ugliness
and now my ridicul;ous olde age
but one thing about los chirchos hombres
we got integrity
we put the gritty into integrity actually
we have tried so so hard not to be part of something silly
something that negated every lyric i ever wrote
something controlled by a buncha people
who are the antithesis made flesh
of every note i ever plucked n let go into eternity
and now
and now
we get these offers
i cant say what they are
you can use yer imagination cant ya?
and so many say
looky looky nevets yeblik
do ya wanna kick a big goal and jus’ do this, please
and nevets is saying
uh um im not so certain..but…errr…hang on…wait there
so every time ya see me do something really cheezy
just remember the other 9 i said no to
besides i dont think being a knight
(i am english after all)
i dont think being a knight n playing the bass are mutually exclusive
do you?
i end up doing a soundcheck
and then drifting round oxford street
which is the gay area
and you see lotsa fellas holding hands
aw how sweet they must be real good friends
and theres yoga studios
sex shoppes
2 dollar shops
cd shops (almost empty)
a million cafes n restys
pubs for working class oiks like me
and a loada other boutiquey bullshitty things
i end up in the park quietly smokin my pot
when 2 coppers come riding along
on pushbikes shining torches
as luck wood have it
ive just finished said number
so i just drops it down the drain
the coppers bike up
and sniff the air suspiciously
but seeing theyre both about 21
and im about 52
i mean it just must be embarrassing to arrest some old ‘ippy
for blowing a bone in le parc
its about as dangerous n threatening
as a cornered snail
so the cops after a little tut tutting
ride off to catch some real baddies
(and theyre out there, baybee!)
so i go off to la gig
i chat to matt outside
a nice cat
i get up to do my gig
there aint too many people here really
maybe 40 or 50
anyway i start playing
my 12 string sounds nice
i start with neverness hoax
i enjoy hearing my deep voice reverberate round the room
“have i told ya bout the neverness hoax?”
and i can feel the spell out there
taking over me
doin’ all the work
the words flowin down to my throat
you can hear the experience in my voice now
you can hear the wear n tear off my life
but my voice also says
these songs are sung with love n care
because i can insinuate things with my voice
with my phrasing
with inflections n vibrato n whispering n falsetto
i can tell more stories than one
in one song
and the lyrics to this song are kinda interesting
it aint fuckin’ bouy meats gurl thats for sure
anyway i get started
and blow me down
if there aint a large dark haired lady
carrying on a conversation
at screaming pitch
like unbeleavably loud
shes ….screaming
suddenly before i know it
nevets stops the songy
and spits the dummy
and accosts the “lady” in a nasty tone
nevets: madame could you have yer conversation elsewhere
her: no i wanna talk here
nevets : why not over there or wait till im finished
her : no i wanna talk here
nevets tries playing song again
but the “lady”s got her back to us n shes screaming
at the top of her shrill ‘orrible bleatin’ voice
oh the shame
oh the crime
for nevets deep dulcet tones to be rudely crudely interrupted
by this female oaf…an oaffette
any way nevets stops the song
nevets :i wish youd shutup n go away
oaffette : you cant stop me…youre just the guy from the church
uh oh
nevets sniffs a set up here
i mean she said that with all the practiced assurance
that ive noticed in my kids when theyre trying out
some new complaint theyve heard
it always smacks of rehearsal
and quite clearly our “lady” had prepared this
you see
this was her scene
and i couldnt come in here n boss her around
a guy from audience tells her to shut up
she says to me
is he your only friend here
nevets : yes thats right you philistine
someone in crowd yells
hes got lots of friends here
the crowd cheer
nevets: look here lady lets have some democracy in action
who wants the lady to talk?
a complete silence
a negation of sound
who wants to hear me play my stupid song
much cheering and a resounding YES!
her: i dont care im gonna stand here n talk
people start pulling on her garments
but she stays put
then nevets notices that mosta the little group shes
been screaming to
have mostly drifted away
to avoid being roped in to this fiasco
but one slightly dopey looking geezer remains
nevets addresses him:
and what about you me olde mate
standing there like a great useless puddin’ listening to her tripe
suddenly the ineffectual gormless fop skedaddles
hes not up for being abused by some angry old sod up on stage
so he pisses off
ha ha ha
this leaves our screaming friend
with no one left to scream to
so she simply has no choice but to mercifully
the rest of the gig was then good
i made up some stupid stuff
this is my new thing
making stuff up on the spot
its the acid test of a genius
straight off the top of my head
i just let the muse straight outta her box
anyway they all enjoyed it
and i must admit im pretty damn entertaining
in a showbiz anti hero kinda way
i like the way my voice is going
and i gotta million songs
tho i always do the same old bunch
as an artist i still feel im on the brink of some
breath taking discovery
but it only gets revealed to me bit by bit
over the years
i am wry kind cynical nasty friendly experienced naive
i am totally confident that while there are bigger n better geezas out there
that no one is dishing up my kettle of fish
cos im in control
forget all the bullshit
as a human im just a flawed weak bloke struggling along
but as a writer painter singer player actor
oh im just getting going
and ive put in this long hard apprenticeship
30 odd years
but now baby
im a master
dig it
its monstrously vain
of me to declare it so
but im confident that i can tackle
any esoteric conundrum
that i can come up with brilliant stuff
non stop
off the cuff
quick as ya like
just like this blogge
there it is!
muse: you big headed old self congratulatory bastard
mum: gee you aint ‘alf got tickets on yerself, sonny jim
the chirch : we’re gonna be sick
syncophants : go killer!
elephants : hes trumpeting himself again
angry readers : blah blah blah
nevets yeblik : fair enough
john garratt : something pragmatic
most of the world : yawn
insert own entity here : insert own phrase here
so there it all is
a ridiculously immodest buncha baloney
i mean the funny thing is
it is all half true
its hard to be one of the best and keep quiet
(someone help him then)
i guess im just havin a delayed reaction
to the lady
and to walking round darlinghurst
for a cuppla hours
and to the joints
and the red bulls n vodkas
and the sauna
n the swim
n the walk along the promenade
and the long baffling joyful painful
careening life i led up to
walking on that stage lassanite
forgive me
forget me
im just trying to write a blogge
and make an ‘onest living
bring home the soy bacon
and keep a non asbestos roof over our heads
maybe one day we will walk in the sun (with adequate protection)
cos hippies like us
we were borne to blogge!
viva la blogge!

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