posted on June 7, 2006 at 4:43 am

god moron fiendar
hur mar ni?
its 6 43 in the morning
stockholm calling
elli n minnas 15 b/day
gotta sing the swedish birthday song
vi gratulerar….etc
johnny garratt says tell us some swedish swearwords
the swedes swear religiously
if you told someone in swedish to get fucked
theyd be puzzled….
isnt that a nice thing…?
in sweden the cursing is all about
devils, damnation, hell etc..
a little scatalogical stuff i guess
but it always seemed so mild to me
the other weird thing with that is that the swedes
are not particularly religious
unlike say the italians or spanish
so religous swearing is doubly strange
italians say “pig-god” is one of the worst things you can say
but in english it doesnae do the trick at all
so in swedish if you say someone is a damned devil from hell
thats something akin to being the oedipal conjunctive (mofo)
the swedes look like us anglos
but theyre a bit different
more reserved
a little more chilly maybe
(till they get a few voddies into em)
swedish is not a hard language for english people to learn
unlike, say, hungarian or chinese
a lot of its roots are the same
but swedes put many words together
instead of coming up with a completely new word
for example in english we say a vetenarian hospital
they say djursjukhus
(an animal sick house)
so english has many many more words than swedish
i always thought of it as being a bit like old english
more earthy or something
although my pronunciation aint TOO bad
i dont have the melody
and i cant roll my “r”s right either
tho i can roll my arse
(you should see me do yoga)
swedes got a little melody going when they speak
and without that
your swedish sounds abysmal
i gotta good vocab
and i can read newspapers n watch tv
without having to translate in my head
but im not really what youd call fluent
(e and m refuse to talk swedish with me…
but they also hate talking english with their mum)
the swedes are a good looking race
almost the “aryan” ideal
theres not a lotta obese people here
and they love sailing and the sea
they enjoy their culture n stuff
and not as philistine as the anglos
theyve produced some great music
great films n actors
and have made quite a mark on this world
for such a tiny little country
swedish words in english
include smorgasbord
(lit. sandwichtable)
and ombudsman
(someone who is at yer bidding)

altho the swedish women are beautiful
they are also quite “feministic”
for want of a better word
and woe betide any man who tries to treat em
like a “sex object”
theyre pretty affluent as well
and a lotta swedes gotta an apartment in the city
and a country house
and even a yacht or boat
they aint been involved in any wars for a long long time
(now if only everyone thought like that)
they like to travel abroad
but they nearly always eventually come home
they have loadsa traditions based on seasonal stuff
and pagan days
and the anglo life can seem a little bleak to homesick swedes
karin was always complaining about australias lack of seasons
i guess the summer/winter thing is crucial to swedes
which is why i feel so sorry for em
after having gone thru a long dark winter
and they get an overcast cold summer
the swedes LOVE the sun
you would too if you only got it a few months of the year
and its strange that i feel
a million more times at home here than in the u.s.
or england
its weird im an english /australian
with swedish and american kids
i got my head in 4 cultures at once
and can see the good and bad sides of em all
some people think im anti american
but obviousl my wife is american from west virginia
so i cant be that bad, can i
i just see it all from my vantage point
and some americans ive met have been the very nicest
most hospitable and kind people
i ever met in my travels
the americans seem more confused than anywhere else
and also the least likely to know much
about anywhere else
soon its time to wake the twillies
and”decorate their
day with flowers and leaves”
as the song goes
the twillies live on the 4th floor
of a big old swedish house
with big airy rooms
and a great view of sodermalm
or south stockholm
the sun was up early today
shining in the window at 3 in the morning
which adding to my not quite conquered jetlag
has me a little upside down
ellis best friend julia arrives
looking like a aussie adolescents wet dream
all yellow hair blue eyes and high cheekbones
yep shes a bloody stunner
and she thinks the twills dad is a little nutty but nice
if this girl had turned up at lyneham high during my day
it woulda been all over for everyone else
but beauties like this are pretty common in sweden
so no one pays much attention to em
elli and minna are planning to spend a year in high school
in sydney next year
and i can only imagine the scenes when they turn up for school on
the first day
anyway its time to open presents
i gottem two nano ipods
and all i can say is thank god i didnt have triplets
im gonna speak to ya all tomorrow
much love
stefan kilbeyssson

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