just when things seem to be going well…
and this is life…
i hear that aurora has smashed out one of her front teeth
her adult front tooth
oh no
dentist says pins
braces
root canals
maybe still lose tooth
(it was knocked right out in a fall)
i speak to aurora
im so so sad thinkin’ of all the implications…
she says its ok dad, my medicine tastes really nice..
i dunno what to say
i dont think shes realised the possible nastiness involved yet
im so upset
choked up all the way to indianapolis
(which is a fantastic name)
oh to be a human is a trip
up n down
round n round
i’d rather it was my fucking tooth that got knocked out
i love my daughters more than anything
even perhaps emancipation itself
and so you see
maya has ensnared me
with her beautiful traps
and all the beautiful things i stretch out my hands towards
they are all illusion
and they bind me
and they blind me
and then nothing changes
and i come back around
maybe aurora my mother this time
maybe joycie bennett will be my daughter
and i go to these venues
and i play my heart out
and i think now things will change
but everything is fleeting
and i read this graffitti
in the dressing room last nite
and make of it what you will
and please feel free to substitute the gender
cos its the same deal
NO MATTER HOW HOT YOU THINK SHE IS
NO MATTER HOW COOL,
SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE
IS SICK OF HER SHIT

and thats maya in action
the perpetual illusion
the beautiful illusions
and this illusion
i’m sitting in a very luxurious hotel in indianapolis
its the sheraton baby
and sheila chandra is on my ipod
and i just talked to an indian guy
who patiently guided me thru the process
of getting on the net
cos it was nae easy
and i wonder what the fuck im doing here
and then we have a great gig lassa nite
and bang!
i know why i’m doing it
cos im a musician
and thats my job
but who else am i?
how deep does it go?
and what will it take?
all this illusion
enlightenment a second away
always a second away
thank you william youre very nice
thank you wadey n moksha for alex grey paraphenalia
thank you all the others who gave of themselves
belfast frank for the licorice n being yaself
chris for telling off the hotel manager politely
ah hell
i appreciate everything everyone does
dear queen i use phone card everyday!
michigan is leafy n beautiful
an incredible midwestern sunset
a little mist
torn clouds filtering the dying sun
i have yet another subway veggie sub
i walk across a giant highway in middle of nowhere
and i feeel so fucking lonesome
so abandoned
just the hot roads
the trucks whizzing by
nothing cares about me at all here
these desolate places i love
the tracks n ditches filled with rubble
the overgrown alleyways
the weedy fences n lonely paths
where no one comes
here on my own
i will never bridge the separation
the separation is an illusion
the bridge is an illusion
the “i” is an illusion
this whole world is one thing
it is a fault in our perception
that we experience separation
i try to break thru with music
how naive….
theres only one way
its a lonely n austere path
its a path ya gotta walk everyday
no holidays
no special mitigating circumstances
its a path that may seem to be leading nowhere…
look at all these pretty ornaments nevets
why follow the path…?
what path?
the warpath?
the middlepath?
the path of least resistance
you woulda thought id have known by now
we fly down the vast american freeways
we stop n pay our tolls
we leave one state n enter another
another gig
another song
another red bull n jager
another dressing room
soon this will all end
it will seem as if it never happened
and thats like life too…
and life is pleasant
and life is painful
and the pleasant can bring pain
and the pain can beget pleasure
and ya never really know nothin’ fer sure
ya never know what th’other guy is thinkin’
and misunderstandings abound
and so do blessings
and so many ladders
and so many snakes
and thats your gig, baby
thats why yer here
remember
you read it here first
esscai