my tinnitus having reached an intolerable level

i am currently listening to a possible cure

which is a series of pieces of classical music cut up just a little

the music and frequencies

and some of the gymnastics the music requires of the eardrum

is said to achieve “the opening” or the tinnitus’ sufferers nirvana

a complete cessation of the constant high pitched ringing your damaged ears make

anyhow im listening to a lot of stuff i never heard before

a lot of music and i gotta listen 2 to 3 hours a day on earphones

so you know i’m saying to myself

well old bean maybe you can learn something here

some ideas here you can plunder and turn around

but what i cant get past is the intention of most of this stuff

i cant understand what emotion the composer hoped to induce in the listener

and that confounds me because thats where i start my process of creation

the very first point of each thing is : how will this make you feel ?

now some of this stuff is lesser known bits but still by famous types

your mozart your ludvig von your bach etc

the beatles stones and dylan of classical music someone could say

muse : yeah …some philistine could say that….

anyway i just cant get past their intention of what feelings this music conveys

look i know i know as much about classical music

as your aunty maude probably knows about wu tang clans latest record

so i come in in a naive very rocknroll approach

i ask myself how does it make me feel…?

what is the predominant emotion evoked by these sounds…?

and i have to answer that most of it seems prissy and florid

and it makes me feel like

ive just spent 3 hours with a very supercilious pedantic interior decorator

or been reading some mills n boon romance of endless pointless dalliance

or some other exacting but unrewarding demonstration of pomposity

i cant find any feelings in here for me

i find intelligence yes in spades but never in hearts

no lust no passion no revenge no wild sudden excitements

maybe i am just not attracted to the music of those centuries

i dont enjoy  all the things that make it great

its precision its instrumentation its conventions

once my mind was blown by rocknroll

there was too little left for anything else

listening to this classical stuff

is like having tea and scones with some upper class 19th century suffragette

you know very admirable but i’m gonna have screaming claustrophobia in 1 minute

this classical stuff is like a game of cricket

a lot of boring types a lot of rules and ritual but hardly any action

very very white very very middle class very very unmagical

on the other hand you got heavy metal music which is like american footy

a load of overdressed oafs running around in some over-planned malarkey

a lot of roman testosterone bluster but no greek beauty or magic

(it seems to the uninitiated like moi)

they are both impenetrable to me

what is the intention of heavy metal music…?

to frighten you…if youre about 14 and believe beelzebubs  under the bed?

i dont know it all seems so silly to me

the blues is the most boring thing

but youre not supposed to say that….

its legends its techniques its triumphs its aesthetic

i cant concentrate on it any longer than 5 seconds

trad jazz i really hate…what emotion is that supposed to be…?

i dont understand anything other than rock

all of the others seem hopelessly one dimensional to me

which of these others can contain rage or insanity or euphoria

its all either too cerebral or dumbed down to a caricature of itself

i look on in amazement at country stars and they gotta be having a laugh, right…?

so much music seems so devoid of wonder or spirit

too stiff

or too mind numbingly simple

too parochial or too highbrow

overwhelmed by its own western fussiness

or  its own  primitive physicality

or   its own stupid right wing country bumpkin maudlin jive

or by its own college boy jolliness

or by its own snobby elitism

or whatever all that music is that i hate

yes i hate it all i cannot abide it

like a master vegan chef eating KFC

or a hedonist in a monastery

or a cat among the pigeons

i loathe rap

i detest all metal of any description

i abhor soft rock as epitomised by billy joel or elton

i hate boy and girl bands

i hate punk i hate new wave and new romantic

i hate disco i hate dance i hate baggy i hate grunge

i hate novelty and retro

i hate fifties and doo wop

i hate overt politics feminism religion

i hate needless frivolity jollity  or cheeriness

i hate pathetic laughable morbidity  (ie death metal)

i hate the silly voices in opera and in those modern auto-tune gadgets

i hate christian rock i hate satanic rock

i hate it too professional or too amateur

somewhere out there though someone is getting it right

the right amount of tradition and innovation

the right ratio of new and old

the right mixture of prowess and intuition

music that could contain destruction and creation and sex and soul

all at once mysteriously reconciling everything

the beat of  africa its urgency its earthly compulsion

the sub-continental drone of the eternal spirit like a mesmeric trance

the scientific mathematical european intelligence as applied to music

i cannot understand much classical music as i cannot understand mathematics

an equation or an opera ….my rigid brain was never having any of it

the absolute first priority for me beyond anything else is : is there any magic?

why do i want art that does not contain any magic?

i have the real world if i want an apparent absence of magic

isnt that why i want my art…because i want some magic…?

i refuse to believe there is no magic

so i have looked for it in sex and drugs and rocknroll

i have also looked for it in arcane and esoterica and  religion and philosophy

to me there is no magic in most sport or reality tv

to me there is no magic in soapies or gossip mags

to me there is no magic in alcohol or car races

to me there is no magic in conservatives or lefties

no magic in kim kardashian or the national anthem

no magic in computer animated films for children

no magic in betting on the horses or going to the pub

no magic in shopping or hunting

no magic in macho posturing or simpering effeminate ninnies

no magic in patriotism or terrorism or situationism

no magic in the snob or the barbarian

no magic at work no magic on holiday

yet still magic abounds

my favourite music has magic in abundance

my kind of magic because it is a very personal ideal

nonetheless it is my crusade

yes my blurred crusade if i may be so obvious

my favourite music seems as if it was made of magic

and its intent was to enchant

rock is at its best when it is at its most magical

like uh magical mystery tour for example

its oozing magic on almost every level that can be perceived

a fantastic magic and mystery thing the english can do so well

the beatles and cs lewis and genesis and tolkien

and america has dylan and his wild maverick magic

and a load of others

all countries have their magical and mundane…dont they..?

anyway magic is always on my menu

and my intent is always magic

even if my delivery is sometimes

quite ordinary

magic is always my intent