i fly to argentina
where my sister lives
but when i arrive
ive already split into a loada different people
my sister is waiting for us at the aeropuerte
dressed like i dunno what
i must say for an olde girl pushing 55
she looks pretty damn good
el maymi has flown down with me
because his dad is the argentinian minister for defence
and because we’re hoping to mix our new record
at silverado studio in a leafy little street
just off the main drag
that damn kathy who is my twin my double my opposite
she knows how to hurt me
needling me about things i didnt think i’d done
mentioning embarassing things
only she and i know about
of course kathys got twins
and their twins have got twins
so it looks like little scarlet k
is the only monozygotic kilbey extant
oh kathy it hurts to see you becoming old, my love…
you know steven you always know how to cheer me up…
steven if youre a vegan..that chocolate is not vegan my dear
kathy, if you were a vegan, youd look as young as me
steven as a painter youre a good bassplayer
kathy as a sister youre a good enemy
steven threw yabbies at our uncle ken, ricky
kathy stole dads cigarettes and got caught being sick
he was in the sea cadets!
she was a fucking brownie!
he dated carmel farquar
she dated moose bostick, the school bully
bullshit!
its true..
she reaches out from driving n flips me in the face
its bullshit!
ricky in the backseat : whoah!
we drop him off at silverado
he seems a little miffed with the in-fighting
and he hefts his guitar n suitcase of pedals in silence
and some guy appears to let him in
me and kathy drive off
nice fucking work you upset our mr ricky
no bullshit you upset him by going on
i didnt go on
yes you did
no you went on…i tried to ameliorate everything…
…and made it worse…
the conversation goes on like this
we arrive at the hacienda …gee…not bad….
but you didnt get this yourself…
what d’you mean by that…?
you married a rich fucking author n he got it for you
yeah…maybe he’ll marry you too…if youre nice
i laugh
i would marry the bastard if he’d get me a joint like this
we go inside
different mes go in different rooms
the angry nasty me in a gentle balcony room
the patient nice me has a room near the kids
the handsome straight up me is in the guest room
and the ugly crooked me in a caravan in the garden
kathys husband esteban
well he reminds me of me
what with his fucking white little beard
his freckly skin
the angles of his face
and oh no
i cannot fucking believe the dude sports 2 gold rings
just like….errr me….and errr kathy too for that matter
jesus christo i say
kathy you married a spanish version of moi!
you vain ninny…youre the whatever version of him!
and dig this
esteban has a twin sister too!
is she here?
no but shes coming!
how old is he…are they…?
54 she smirked
what star sign?
virgo! she said triumphantly
youre trying to do my head in!
esteban spoke pretty good english
i had read some of his books
and christ!
i had to admit they were pretty good…
kathy: why did you HAVE to admit it….?
esteban poured me some sangria
it had some chili in it it was delicious
we smoked some good dope
esteban likes the good things in life… kathy says
so do i …i say cheerfully raising my glass
oh but he can afford them says kathy winking at her smug hubby
oohh …i say..but cant think of anything much cleverer than that
estebans sister arrives…conesuela
jesus shes like the rest of us
freckly
fine brown hair
middle aged
angular
slightly rude
and slightly ok
only slightly
she rather got my back up to tell you the truth
much to kathys delight
the woman began needling me about this n that
have you read borges she asks in her snooty way
yes i say i love him
which ones have read? she asks
well that one where he has to ah..imagine..uh..
the 2 argentinians frown at me
the twin sister smirks…yeah you know that smirk…
the argentinians start to do me like a tennis table team
firing questions at me
and giving each other the answers
before i can even muster a wrong mutter
my status as renaissance man is revoked
we put on my latest record im working on
everyone sits there bored for a while
then they start to talk through it
in the middle of my new opus
fucking esteban gets up n puts something else on
astrid gilberto or something
fuck it
why cant things go the way i want
even in my own story
my own sister
my own flesh n bloody blood
kathy serves up some coffee
dont eat all the biscuits you pig! she hisses in my ear
i dont even like them ! i whisper back
then why have you eaten 4 already?
it wasnt 4…or…(a quick mental calculation) or sorry
she smirks again
she shakes her head
you see
kathy is just an old smart ass housewife
living it up in buenos aires
dabbling in whatever shes dabbling in
the kids are ok
the nice patient me doesnt mind em
the youngest is sixteen
the old horrible me doesnt like em
bloody horrible music he bitches all thru dinner
esteban rolls another perfect spliff
mind if i add little of this? he says
he taps something into it from a small bottle
whatever i shrug
the next day at the studio
thats today!
wow you look awful! laughs our mr ricky
musta been good right?
its kinda soft n rainy outside
its real kathy weather
she must love it here
i write a little instrumental piece
im gonna call it kathys cloud i say to her later
ugh! she says
and pours out more sangria