all mylife
ive had the effect
of somehow making grande pronouncements
when i guess im just joe schmoe writing a bit o’ bitter blog
this happened especially at school
when i said i didnt like such n such a band
it always seem implied that not only didnt i like em
but that i thought every aspect of them
and their fans was a loathesome dollop
i have never thought much about a lotta things
i see em on some random newspaper somewhere
i form my kilbee insta-opinion
and i go round spouting it
especially if i consider that its “funny”
now funny is a very interpretable n ambiguous term
and its amazing that fineline between cutting edge
and embarassingly offensive
ricky gervais seems to surf it as a specialty
and i guess a few others
so i guess silverchair is no pet hate or anything at all
its just i see em on all these frontpages in this iconic manner
and yesterday
im looking at the paper
there they are again
and i just asked myself
hey kilbey!
what do you think of silverchair
and all i could remember was that
i’d forgotten the earlier stuff
then i had played to me bits of that orchestrated one
from a few years back
and um……
mind you i was probably the only geezer in australia
who didnt think it was the new sergeant peppers
so musics like that
one mans poison is another mans meat
one mans peppers is another mans sneeze
you know
thinking about it
i need to have two kinds of opinionated bigmouthing modes
one which merely says
i
as an ordinary olde geeza living in 2007
dont happen to like such n such but dont mind me
it is even possible i could change my mind …..
then
i need the
i hate this passionately its ‘orrible
i am prepared to bore you stupid with my loathing
if youll listen, beware rants ahead
may offend some
approach with caution etc
pronouncements of doom
kilbeys own fat-wah in fact
where i urge from my e-pulpit
my deranged army of fiendss
to run rampaging through the western world
urinating on rubby williams posters
and other such symbolic situationist attacks
on the status quo and their demi-gods of hideous ennui
meat would land in this category
along with war
show-biz bullshit and schmaltz
anything dumbed down
ear infections
(but i got prescribed codeine and pseudo ephedrine today!!)
kids shows that are noisy and insultingly smarmy
drunken brutal oafs reeking of aftershave
over made up tarts smokin’ ciggies
awards nights
quiz shows
reality shows
dancing shows
cop shows
lawyer shows
gossip rags n shows
talk and tonight shows
posters of successful real estate salesmen
old election posters especially if its the loser
anything cute
anything in yer face
anything without originality
anything without mystery
game hosts
radio shock jocks ( shockingly amateurish)
dogs just doing their thing any old where
i say
three strikes and theyre out!!
eggplant however it may come
facile pre-learned answers no ruddy way
the pappar-arsey
rehab
tommy hill-figure or any other designer or their name
people who dont take no for an answer
my advice:
no is a good answer
take it and piss off
queue jumpers (less its me)
duck hunters…you silly sadistic sods
oh god
theres so many
parking inspectors dressed like cops with walkie talkies
guys down the beach who throw their girlfriends in the water
politicians who vote to give themselves rises…..vile scum
anything containing gelatine
hair product
foundation makeup
underarm products with aluminium…..nasty nasty
mobile phones that never get switched off
people try to gee you up needlessly
anyway
as i write this blogge
a french guy a kinda friend
has been running in and out
some malarkey with key
and tryin to persuade me
in his thick lovely french accent
why i should put green clay drops in my fucked up n painful ear
hes trying to do a number on me about clay
oblivious to the fact he has already converted me ages ago
albert i say (al-bear)
but steve he says (stieefv)
i get a cut i put it in he says mimicking a sliced open arm
and filling it in with green clay
al-bear i been fucking drinking it i say becoming angry
probably because with my tinnitus the infected ear his accent etc
its so hard to hear what hes saying
yes he remembers
ive drunken 2 whole courses of green clay an (alleged) liver cleanser
apparently it is in europe but here theyre not allowed to recommend
the actual intake of clay here in aust
yes i put it here n here n here n here says al-bear
his arms a flurry of clay annointed spots being pointed out
al-bear i says
yes i’d put it on my neck
or my arm
or my leg
and even on my ….
(i used the word dick here hoping to lessen offence
should he have taken it )
or even up my……(what is that french word?)
but i aint putting it in this fucking ear ok?
google it then he says….
meanwhile a strange storm has rolled in
playing havoc with my deafened ear
sydneys weather is very changeable watch out!
i had a dip in l’ocean this smorning
already poms n irish out there getting horribly burnt
my own daughter evie starr
she got burned in 15 minutes quite reddy , helen
lucky the next day it turned mostly brown
sometimes you even get a nice warm glow as it changes
but elli found this out
and evie too
you go brown
but then
it peels
and under that
is
freckles